He got married...

[sbr1050]

5 months after walking out my door, he got married this weekend.  To his 23 year old gf.  He is 62.  What the heck?

[StarOfTheSea]

Ugh . I'm sorry, it feels like a punch in the stomach.  Look at it this way: two people that are disordered enough to get married after five months deserve each other. At least now they're both off the market and won't be able to hurt anyone else.

My exBPDbf got engaged six weeks after our b/u, complete with tasteless FB nonsense. He always told me his r/s's never last more than six months, so I assume he'll marry her within the next few months to lock the r/s down.

These people's actions really speak to their high level of dysfunction.

[Olivia_D]

She probably doesn't have enough life experience at age 23 to disagree with her him. If so, he can mold her like play dough to act, speak, think, etc based on his dictates=control.  I can't imagine they have a lot to talk about with a 40 year gap, another plus for a controlling personality. Maybe you had too much of an identity therefore he didn't have his desired measure of control? Just a hunch. 5 months? That is nutty. I might get to the you can have a drawer at my house after 6 months but marriage. Ah, nope. Hope it reaffirms you are better without him in your life.

[sbr1050]

Thank you! Logically I tell myself this but hearing about him getting married today, well, that WAS a punch in the gut.  A whole range of emotions going thru me right now

[fromheeltoheal]

Thank you! Logically I tell myself this but hearing about him getting married today, well, that WAS a punch in the gut.  A whole range of emotions going thru me right now

What are they sbr?

[sbr1050]

Well,

Disgusted by his actions lately

Saddened by his actions lately

Lonely

Missing him -  I miss his touch, talking with him, hearing about his life

Isolated (it hurts that he is not in my life - I miss him, miss knowing what he is doing, feeling, etc)

Scared about my future (facing being alone the rest of my life, never finding someone to love like I loved him)

Dread of dating (I am tyring but there are some quirky men out there - those seem to be the ones I keep finding)

Puzzled that I seem to be the only one that is/was close to him that finds his behavior so erratic and illogical

Embarrassed of what others are saying about him and his choices.  I am truly embarrassed for him.  The talk out there is not good

Embarrassed that I wasted 18 years of my life and dreams on him

Entertained by it.  It feels like a never ending Jerry Springer show

Regrets that I didn't walk away years ago and find someone normal and suitable

Fascinated.  What could possibly be going thru his mind?  There is no way he is thinking clearly but WHAT is he thinking?

Concerned about his kids.  They claim they just want us to be happy but how can you be happy with a 23 year old stepmother when you    are in your mid - late 20's?

[cosmonaut]

I can imagine that must be an emotional event, no matter the circumstances.  I am sure I would feel the same if I learned similar about my ex.  Even knowing he is disordered and there are reasons for this to happen, especially so fast, it's still very hard emotionally.

We must always remember that it wasn't us, however.  We weren't the reason the relationship failed.  So, please don't think it's because you weren't good enough.  That's so, so important.  It's not us.  It's the disorder.   

[fromheeltoheal]

That's a lot going on sbr.  It's good to get it out.  It's also important to take very good care of yourself right now; the emotions will process their way through, and all you have to do is support them by eating right, sleeping enough, getting some exercise, spending time with supportive, validating people, including here, and focusing on the future.  I know, mundane stuff maybe, but it's best to set ourselves up to win and things will happen the way they're supposed to.  Take care of you!