just triggered

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So the lease I shared with ex gf comes up at the end of the month. I was so happy because then I wouldnt know where she lives.  Well today in the mail I get a letter from her saying she's paying me my share of the security deposit and her sister is moving in with her.

I know its silly but this set me back. I was so looking forward to not knowing where she lives.  Now ill still have to drive past that exit on the trips to see my kids.

Its funny because I wouldve wanted a fresh start myself

[confusedinWI]

So the lease I shared with ex gf comes up at the end of the month. I was so happy because then I wouldnt know where she lives.  Well today in the mail I get a letter from her saying she's paying me my share of the security deposit and her sister is moving in with her.

I know its silly but this set me back. I was so looking forward to not knowing where she lives.  Now ill still have to drive past that exit on the trips to see my kids.

Its funny because I wouldve wanted a fresh start myself

[Irish Pride]

It'll get better. Trust that.

[Mike-X]

I am sorry for the setback.

I remember when my uBPDgf brought home brochures for the place that she was trying to lease and then brought home her actual lease. She left things out on the counter in plain view. She even asked me questions about some things on the lease.

I remember feeling like she was being insensitive toward my feelings, because I had told her repeatedly that I didn't want her to leave. Looking back and knowing more about BPD, she might have been leaving things out and such due to her own insecurities about moving and leaving the relationship - wanting to have someone close to her know where she would be.

I have never been to her place, and I seem to have even mentally blocked remembering the name of the place and the apt. number. Although I do know the general area, I still feel mixed emotions from time to time when I am passing that area.

[confusedinWI]

I dont know why this hurts so much and I feel stupid for letting it. Maybe I wanted her to move out so as to not taint the memories I had of us and her and my kids there. Now I know it will eventually be replaced with memories of her and new guy and im wiped away and kids are wiped away as if we never made those memories. Being thst disposable sucks when those memories meant so much to me. Ugh I almost broke contact today but I didnt. She even in the note said I hope you amd your kids are well. Im so sad

[Mike-X]

I dont know why this hurts so much and I feel stupid for letting it. Maybe I wanted her to move out so as to not taint the memories I had of us and her and my kids there. Now I know it will eventually be replaced with memories of her and new guy and im wiped away and kids are wiped away as if we never made those memories. Being thst disposable sucks when those memories meant so much to me. Ugh I almost broke contact today but I didnt. She even in the note said I hope you amd your kids are well. Im so sad

I understand. I think that it is part of grieving the loss of the relationship. I think that we often get involved in relationships, at least in part, to build shared memories, maybe romanticizing about imaging sitting on the porch when we are older remembering those good times.

I think that I have tried to find comfort in knowing that I had a positive impact on her, at least, in the moments that we had together. If she also has moments in the future when she remembers those good times and smiles, then that is a bonus. Plus, I still have the memories of the good times.

[fromheeltoheal]

It's also a handy way to see how you're doing on your detachment.  As you work through the process that exit will mean less and less, until one day you'll pass it and not even realize it.  I remembered my ex's birthday a month after the date last year, and I was good with that.  Take care of you!