Tough Day

[Irish Pride]

Rough day, today. Since I've been on this site, I've been pretty positive and upbeat about my whole situation. Between this place, and my therapist, it's helped so much. But, I think the "soundtrack" thread I posted on last night gave me a much bigger trigger than I anticipated. Hadn't listened to that song in a LONG time and a bunch of memories flooded right back, as if I almost started over again. I even dreamt of her, last night. Had to visit a location, this am, where she used to work. When it rains, it pours. I was hoping the ruminations would subside, but they've gotten stronger. Trying to get out of this rut is tough. But it'll happen.

Trying to be positive and convince myself that, these big triggers are bound to happen and I'll just have to deal with them as they come. There will be a day I see her again. It's inevitable. She lives a few hundred feet from me and I'm the main service tech for the place she works. Maybe this is bracing me for that inevitable day and seeing her won't hurt as bad. That's what I'm hoping. Trying.

Thank you for the ear. Just venting helps

[peacefulmind]

Rough day, today. Since I've been on this site, I've been pretty positive and upbeat about my whole situation. Between this place, and my therapist, it's helped so much. But, I think the "soundtrack" thread I posted on last night gave me a much bigger trigger than I anticipated. Hadn't listened to that song in a LONG time and a bunch of memories flooded right back, as if I almost started over again. I even dreamt of her, last night. Had to visit a location, this am, where she used to work. When it rains, it pours. I was hoping the ruminations would subside, but they've gotten stronger. Trying to get out of this rut is tough. But it'll happen.

Trying to be positive and convince myself that, these big triggers are bound to happen and I'll just have to deal with them as they come. There will be a day I see her again. It's inevitable. She lives a few hundred feet from me and I'm the main service tech for the place she works. Maybe this is bracing me for that inevitable day and seeing her won't hurt as bad. That's what I'm hoping. Trying.

Thank you for the ear. Just venting helps

I'm sorry you had to feel the terrible force of triggers. Your words and guidance has given me personal progress in my own healing and I thank you for that.

I am experiencing triggers of my own at the moment and they're terrible and puts me in dark places. You seem like you have come a long way, stay strong Irish and keep working on your healing. You've helped a lot of people on these boards with your sharing of personal experiences, and I'm sure you know the tools to get through this. We're all here for you like you are for us. Stay strong!

[confusedinWI]

Irish a quote I like when I have a rough day like you are having is "Even the darkest of days has only 24 hours."

To me I think that us "nons", the ones that were left by the wayside are the tougher, stronger people because we don't run away from our feelings. We acknowledge when we had a rough day. It's a sign that this person, our ex, the one that just replaced us so quickly, actually meant something too us.

Our love for that person was without conditions, we struggled, we hoped, we prayed, we wanted the ending that we didn't get.

Today is exactly 90 days marking the last time my ex gf and I made love together. The next day it was over. But I also got some input from my daughter this weekend that shows me I'm doing the right thing. My daughter told me she heard it when my ex and I would have an argument, or rather when my ex would yell at me. My daughter said it made her feel sad because she didn't like to hear her dad getting yelled at.

While as a father it was tough to hear that, I'm also glad my daughter shared that. My daughter is recovering from her own broken heart too. I know you know what I'm saying Irish.

My point is we will focus on fixing us, the issues that our relationship identified with. This will make us stronger in the end.

Keep your chin up brother!

[Irish Pride]

Thank you, peaceful. It truly makes me smile to know I helped in some way. Makes it... .more worth it, does that make sense? I know this is temporary and it'll pass. Just took me by surprise. But, even that's a good thing. Reminds me not to get too cocky about this and that time does heal. Just have to let time go by the way it does. Sure does make the day seem like forever, though 

Thank you, WI. Good words and I'm glad to see you on the right path.

This place rules. Thanks again

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Hang in there, Irish!  From my experience, feeling better is just bit by bit here and there... .not knowing I feel better yet all of the sudden I do.  Like I feel so much better today than I did a month ago and yet I don't quite know how I got here (other than maintaining NC) but I do.  Which doesn't mean the hard moments don't hit, they do, but I am qualitatively better.  I love what confused said, "even the darkest of days has only 24 hours." 

Here's another EASY trick that really WORKS if you'll do it:  left nostril breathing.  I do it for 3 minutes at time and I swear it helps.  You can do it throughout the day as much as you need.  Doesn't cost a thing and is easy. Most importantly, it works! Just set your timer and do it:  www.grdhealth.com/yogameditation/leftnostril.php

We're with you in this!

[Irish Pride]

Hang in there, Irish!  From my experience, feeling better is just bit by bit here and there... .not knowing I feel better yet all of the sudden I do.  Like I feel so much better today than I did a month ago and yet I don't quite know how I got here (other than maintaining NC) but I do.  Which doesn't mean the hard moments don't hit, they do, but I am qualitatively better.  I love what confused said, "even the darkest of days has only 24 hours." 

Here's another EASY trick that really WORKS if you'll do it:  left nostril breathing.  I do it for 3 minutes at time and I swear it helps.  You can do it throughout the day as much as you need.  Doesn't cost a thing and is easy. Most importantly, it works! Just set your timer and do it:  www.grdhealth.com/yogameditation/leftnostril.php

We're with you in this!

Thank you for your words and that awesome link, Reclaiming! Giving it a try

[Achaya]

I started listening to the soundtrack posts and had to stop. Music can bring up a lot of emotion. My ex once made me a CD consisting of abandonment songs during a week when she believed I was about to leave her (I wasn't, just pulled back in self-protection).

My ex moved into a place in my neighborhood. We walk our dogs in the same park. I haven't run into her yet, but I am scared about it happening. I know it will send me into an adrenalin dump and a thousand triggering effects. I can easily imagine how difficult it is for you, Irish, to live in a situation where the probability of an encounter is high.

All I can say is that I know the first encounters post BU are generally pretty stressful for people. Some have told me they felt punched in the stomach when they first saw their ex with a new partner, even though they themselves initiated the BU. People survive these encounters with some difficulty, then get less sensitive over time and more exposures to the former partner. I'm hoping for none of the above myself, but it probably isn't realistic. What I tell myself is that I am still standing after the BU and the trauma of the past month---I will tell myself the same if the dreaded encounter occurs.

[Irish Pride]

I started listening to the soundtrack posts and had to stop. Music can bring up a lot of emotion. My ex once made me a CD consisting of abandonment songs during a week when she believed I was about to leave her (I wasn't, just pulled back in self-protection).

My ex moved into a place in my neighborhood. We walk our dogs in the same park. I haven't run into her yet, but I am scared about it happening. I know it will send me into an adrenalin dump and a thousand triggering effects. I can easily imagine how difficult it is for you, Irish, to live in a situation where the probability of an encounter is high.

All I can say is that I know the first encounters post BU are generally pretty stressful for people. Some have told me they felt punched in the stomach when they first saw their ex with a new partner, even though they themselves initiated the BU. People survive these encounters with some difficulty, then get less sensitive over time and more exposures to the former partner. I'm hoping for none of the above myself, but it probably isn't realistic. What I tell myself is that I am still standing after the BU and the trauma of the past month---I will tell myself the same if the dreaded encounter occurs.

It was a surprise, for sure, but it's now a dull ache instead of the sharp pain it was earlier. That just tells me I'm on the right path. You're right about the music, and I know music is a huge memory trigger. Smells and music are my two biggest.

I completely agree with the rest, too. Good words, and attitude, Achaya! I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it. No sense worrying about events that haven't transpired. I read a quote, the other day and went back to look for it. Sums it up nicely.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

[Achaya]

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

Awesome quote!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

It was a surprise, for sure, but it's now a dull ache instead of the sharp pain it was earlier. That just tells me I'm on the right path.

Good job, Irish Pride.  What a powerful statement of where you are and what you are doing.  Congrats.  Lock this deeply into your heart and mind.  So you can call on this whenever you need it... .as affirmation of your accomplishments... .and/or in those hard moments when doubt creeps in. 

Way to go! 

[Olivia_D]

For Irish, I am also moved deeply by music.   There are songs that I have had to "retire."  I was previously married to a musician and actually used to hear him / his music on the radio station--I actually switched genres for 6-7 years.  So, in turn, I made myself a "new" mix of songs for a CD, songs that are grounding to remind me that everything will be okay.  Here's one of my favorites, it works for this Irish girl.  Hugs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bu7sfxDpnM

[Irish Pride]

For Irish, I am also moved deeply by music.   There are songs that I have had to "retire."  I was previously married to a musician and actually used to hear him / his music on the radio station--I actually switched genres for 6-7 years.  So, in turn, I made myself a "new" mix of songs for a CD, songs that are grounding to remind me that everything will be okay.  Here's one of my favorites, it works for this Irish girl.  Hugs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bu7sfxDpnM

Thank you, Olivia