UPDATE : Hazelden Betty Ford/Menninger

[jellibeans]

This morning a received a call from her sober home telling me my dd just up and left last night and didn't come home. My husband went out to look for her... .something he has done countless times. She finally came back and called. She went to a friends and relapsed. The sober home has given her until 5pm today to move out. To say I am disappointed would be an understatement... .I know relapses are going to happen but I really felt she was in a place with great support. She has been sleeping all day so I have not talked with her. My H took her her luggage so she can pack. I do not know where she is going... .she is not welcomed here. My husband has been calling Hazelden to see if there is room for her but I have told him to stop... .it is not our job to plan out her future... .she needs to take the lead herself and figure out her own plan. He is very nervous and I can't blame him but she is not coming here to live again. That is what I think he wants but it is not what she needs. Even if she agrees to go to rehab again I feel she can stay at a shelter and feel the consequences of her actions... .

I am so very tired of riding this roller coaster... .and I just don't feel there is anything I can do further for her... .she needs to do more for herself. Wish I had better news... .I was proud of her and thought she was trying hard. I know it must have been difficult at times but I was always there to support her. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do except let go... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

UPDATE... .my dd called this morning to ask what time I can come pick her up. Deadline to move out was at 5pm but now at noon. Seem she once again took off to go party last night so they moved her departure time to noon. She repeatedly called me all morning and then finally she called the police to report that we had abandon her. The police called a bit later and told us we had to come get her or they would cal CPS. I was not given any help or any suggestions. I asked the policeman tell my dd that she was going to rehab. My husband went over to talk further with them. He got her to agree and they called Hazelden and had an intake phone call. My husband is headed to the airport right now to look at flights and see if they can leave tonight but I really think they will have to wait until morning. So the plan is still unfolding but she is going back to rehab and this time it will be for longer time. It will give us some time to rethink what to do. I am not sure what is right but I know she needs to deal with her drug and alcohol addiction before she can move forward. It has been a horrible day and I didn't sleep much last night. Any advise would be appreciated.

[lbjnltx]

Sorry to hear this jellibeans  :'(

Relapse is common and that doesn't mean it is any easier to go through.   

How long will your d stay at Hazeldon?  Until she is 18... .coming this summer?

lbj

[jellibeans]

lbjntx

Dd was suppose to get on a plane this morning but refused. My h and her were staying at the hotel at the airport so they could depart early this morning. My H called the police and once the police arrived she reconsidered and agreed to go to a rehab near Dallas called Sundown Ranch. I got to the hotel this morning in time to give her a hug and say goodbye. I hope they make it there without further problems.

I know relapses are common... .I was not shocked... .I was disappointed. It is hard not to be but I just don't understand her resistance to getting help. I know that must sound odd but she has to know that she can't live this way and that we will not support her if she doesn't get help.

I don't know how long she will be at this rehab... .she turns 18 in a few weeks so I hope until then. It will give us time to figure out our next step but it is really going to be up to her. either she wants help or she doesn't.

[mggt]

dear Jelli, So sorry to hear this latest news from what I understand it is very common to relapse but that does not help you with the sorrow and heartache of it all .  Will continue to keep you in our prayers and sending you positive energy for a good outcome hang in there and one moment at at time   mggt

[lbjnltx]

I'm glad she went jelli.

The loss of the addiction is more scary than the loss of a future... .it exists to be denied.  

We are here for you as you work through this and make future plans.



lbj

[Rapt Reader]

I'm also very glad she went, jellibeans, and hope and pray that this will be a good and growing experience for her. Did she actually get there, and agree to be admitted? Have you heard from her or your Husband?

We're here for you, no matter what happens next... .Life is really crazy sometimes, and we can't predict it or even figure it out at those times. I'll keep your family in my prayers 

[Tamara96]

So thankful to hear that dd went. Husband and you are very strong.

I hope this time it sticks some more and that the center will help guide you in the the next steps.

My heart goes out to all of you  - it takes a lot of strength to do what you just did.

Stay hopeful. Get some rest.

[jellibeans]

They made it and she was admitted. I am reading over the parent handbook and I really am not happy with this new place. It has a level system and limit my ability to talk to my dad to once a week phone call for ten minutes. I so wish she would have gone to hazelden but what is done is done. I worry this ace is going to traumatized her and it will beije San Marco treatment center which was nothing but a hell hole.

Thanks for all your replies  I just need a few days to recover. I am crying a lot and I am having a hard time right now

[Rapt Reader]

 

Hang in there, jellibeans... .

We're here for you 

[jellibeans]

UPDATE: my dd has been in treatment for 11 days now. She is not very happy in her new place. It is pretty strict and my communication with her is very limited. She is angry and testing the limits there. I like most of the staff. They seem to know what they are doing. The only person that causes me concern is the P. Our calls have been somewhat alarming and afterwards I really feel very discouraged and sad. Yesterday I got a call rom the team to tell me dd had been disruptive and had walked out of a session. Demanding to be taken to the intensive unit. She is a pretty tough kid and very defiant. The P asked me if they were able to use restriants with her and give her a shot to calm her down in the future. I was a bit caught off guard by this request and told them I would have to get back to them. Today I talked further with the counselor and he apologized for the conversation the day before. Told me that they use restraints only as a last option and only if she was a danger to herself or others or violent. This is just the kind of conversations that I have with the P who is says things that can be very upsetting. That is my only complaint but it is one that reoccures so it is upsetting.

I do wish she would have went to Hazelden but she make her choice and we are not going to change now. I think this place is good but just very strict and my dd is struggling and testing the limits. I hope time will bring her around so we are waiting. I am attending al anon meeting and have a few people who also have kids is recovery so we can support each other. I have an appointment with a therapist to see if that can better support me through all this. I am doing okay but it is hard. The addict has a great impact on our family and we have endured years of hospitalization and treatment centers. Mental illness and drug abuse seem to go hand in hand.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

I'm sorry that you are so upset jellybeans.    This is difficult stuff. 

Being in a strict, 24/7 therapeutic environment can take it's toll and break through that tough exterior, denial, and fronting to peers... .then the real work can begin.  It won't be easy.  Your daughter will want you to come in and rescue her from the work she is afraid to admit she needs to do.  As her mom she needs you to be strong enough not to. 

It's hard to let our kids suffer the consequences of their choices.

[jellibeans]

Lbj

I agree with you and I am coping well. I know this might be our last chance. That alone helps me tolerate her discomfort. I don't plan on rescuing her at all. I have worked hard at this and I am hoping this strict environment helps her come to terms with her underlying issues.

My older d is having surgery in another week so I also have that to deal with. It just has been tough.

[lbjnltx]

 

Prayers for both of your children and their mom and dad.

[jellibeans]

thank you lbj... .your kindness is overwhelming... .really means so much to me. thank you