Bad Memories

[lovenature]

I know many have struggled with not being able to forget the good memories and get their BPD ex out of their head so they can move on.

Has anyone had trouble forgetting the bad memories once you have moved past the anger stage? I find at times I think about bad memories and see clearly how ridiculous some stuff was and get closer to acceptance, other times I don't think straight and go backwards.

[frank1971]

 

Has anyone had trouble forgetting the bad memories once you have moved past the anger stage?

Well you will replay the tapes. The goods and the bads ! Take my word for it. You did your best.

[fromheeltoheal]

It can be good to focus on the bad initially, to help deal with our internal conflict between our head and our heart, to help our head do what we know is right, as our heart protests.  In time, as the fog clears, we get our feet on the ground and we take our power back, the memories can become more balanced, and it isn't about forgetting them, it's about removing the emotion from them so they're benign, at which point we can even have some compassion for our exes and the tough road they walk, and be thankful for the experience because of the growth it's brought.

[mgl210]

I know many have struggled with not being able to forget the good memories and get their BPD ex out of their head so they can move on.

Has anyone had trouble forgetting the bad memories once you have moved past the anger stage? I find at times I think about bad memories and see clearly how ridiculous some stuff was and get closer to acceptance, other times I don't think straight and go backwards.

IME,'

I have replayed all the few and far between good times, and the many many bad times that I had with my exwBPD. I think its safe to say that I still have really bad nightmares bc of it. I am in that middle ground of being between angry and relieved. Its part of the healing process, some heal faster than others, some take time. Regardless, you are your own individual, you are entitled to taking your time in dealing with your pain, because its that, your pain and no one can tell you to feel the same as anyone else. If I can help you any, please feel free to reach out

MGL

[UserName69]

I already have found a replacement. I'm over my prev relationship I had with the xBPDgf and the only feelings I have for her is hate. Whenever I think about her I realise that she is a very evil person and I can't believe that I even loved her. I have 0% respect for her and really don't care about her anymore. I never knew you can hate anyone so much. I'm going to send her a couple gifts she gave me back soon then she's completely out of my life.

My girlfriend is aware of my previous relationship and she told me to focus on the future and her and let the past be what it is. I really wish I had my gf instead of my exBPD.

[Infared]

I had such good, good times (for me at least) with my expwBPD... .I do think of them often. I have become an expert though, at inserting the memories of her purposefully hurting me emotionally and that smug look of enjoyment on her face... .it really takes away the "warm & fuzzy" pretty quickly.

[Mr Hollande]

I have put the good memories in the back of my head and remember mainly the bad times. I see no point in remembering the good times because our time together was an abomination. She doesn't deserve to be remembered fondly. Doing so would feel like violating myself over again. I owe myself a reminder of why I am where I am and what brought me here. Fond memories has no place there.