why do I spend so much time concentrating on him?

[mixedupemotions]

I was married for 35yrs and have been separated for 5 weeks. for my emotionally well being I had to leave.throughout the 35yrs i have been accused numerous times of having an affair.I've been tape recorded at my home,in my car,in my purse and at my job by him. I've had used underware sent to a dna lab for testing. i've had private investigators follow me. That was about 7yrs ago. This time I was accused of having an affair with my boss. He extracted data from my cellphone for 3 months and said he was testing me. He said I failed miserably. I was not having an affair. In the meantime he was seeing a woman from mexico who is currently staying with him.He has no contact with the family.We have 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren. I need help for me to get over thwese circle of emotions.

[Surg_Bear]

I am so sorry to hear what you had to endure. It sounds like torture.

I hope that you will stay a while and read some of our stories and find that you are not alone. We are here to help you.

You can get through this, and although 35 years is a huge portion of your life, you have arrived at a place (this website) to learn tools to ensure that the rest of your days can be filled with happiness, and joy- not dread and abuse.

Please know that all who you encounter here are your friends and can help you find your way- if you allow it.

Thank you for sharing your story- you've been very brave to have done so.

Love,

Surg_Bear

[workinprogress]

35 years is a long time, it will take time to get him out of your system.  Be patient with yourself, you have been through a lot.