Nightime is the hardest (and some other random thoughts)

[WhatJustHappened?]

I don't know if it's this way for everyone but nigh time is the worst for the "what ifs" and that sinking feeling on your stomach. Especially right before bed. I start questioning my decision and then start with the "what she is doing right now" thinking.

The bright side is by morning, all better. And the cycle repeats. However, I do tend to get more angry in the mornings when I think about all the crap this woman has put me through. She always had me in an agitated state whether it was because of some health issue, separated husband issue or whatever.

I have to say towards the end, I actually didn't look forward to our calls as I knew there would be agitation. Even a ding dong like me took the cue that feeling that way wasn't a good thing.

And then when I found this forum and started putting the pieces together and had that "light bulb" moment, I knew it was over. Especially after she had me worked up one night when I couldn't reach her because I thought she was dying. Now just thinking about that makes me angry. She was probably sitting around her house enjoyed listening to my frantic calls.

Lastly, this goes way back for me and brings back painful memories. She was one of my first loves and sadly the signs were there then as they are now. She lied to me then but I couldn't believe it when I was young and naive.

Everything about this woman is a lie. And the worst part is that she will probably never be held accountable for her behavior. She's attractive enough to continue to keep reeling in her victims and sucking their souls right out of them.

[zundertowz]

These women are miserable at there core... .she will be held accountable with a drama filled painful life that will probably end up with her being 50 years old and alone... .find peace and live a happy life... .she has no chance of doing so.

[DearBFF]

That is very true, nights are the worst.  I have been finding that mindfulness helps, especially doing a body scan exercise.  You basically start at your toes and work your way up your body feeling everything and focusing only on that.  It helps me keep my mind focused and I usually forget where I am when I drift off and I've been waking up much less.  I know some people like the breathing exercises too, but while I may do some breathing to clear my mind once I'm laying down I just breathe normally.  If I focus too much on breathing I get really into it and end up wide awake,  .

It also helps to do some browsing on youtube before bed. I watch things like Supernatural ComicCon videos, which always crack me up, and old music videos I love or have never seen before.  It takes my mind off everything and especially when I've been giggling right before bed, I have a much more restful sleep.  

[going places]

Night time was hard for me because that is when all the noise of the day stopped, and I was left, with myself and my thoughts.

SO I read Scripture. I read books. I prayed until I fell asleep. Mostly just thanking God for the good things in life, naming them one by one.

I retrained my brain to think positive, good, pure, happy, 'ex free' thoughts at night... .it was hard, it took a long time, but man o man it worked. It helped SO much. I highly recommend it.

[ZeusRLX]

Everything about this woman is a lie. And the worst part is that she will probably never be held accountable for her behavior. She's attractive enough to continue to keep reeling in her victims and sucking their souls right out of them.

I don't know if this brings any consolation but her worst punishment is her life.

She is already in hell and is likely to remain so her whole life (recovery rates are not good). All of mine had been very very very unhappy, certainly much more than me at any point.

I don't know if that makes her accountable or not in the traditional sense.

But none of mine will ever be happier than those they hurt so maybe that's some kind of consolation anyway.