Ex BPD texted then we talked (11 year ltr)

[naguma]

After 11 years she broke it off and decided I was NPD (well her therapist decided that).

I have since gone to therapy myself and found out I have Gad, OCD, and maybe slightly BPD myself - psychologist still wants to wait.

Her therapist hasn't diagnosed her BPD, but yeah... .

Within a week of breaking up with me she was with another guy. They were together for 2 months~, last Friday he blocked her on everything and moved. Normal people run from BPD I suppose... .

I had blocked her on everything to get on with my life, assuming she would never be back. She got in contact with me today, then we talked on the phone for roughly 45 mins.

It's hard to say exactly what she was saying, but it sounded like she wanted to get back together but she regretted the new guy so much that she felt tainted.

I told her that the girl I was seeing I broke it off because it wasn't fair to her. (probably a mistake)

I have plans to do a few things this week. Thinking of posting them on FB. That's about as far as I am.

Any advice on how to win this girl back? Now that I understand BPD, things should be easier. But would a LTR ever exist after a break up with a BPD?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[married21years]

you were out and free

the advice is RUN

but we all know you wont take it!

so if you are going to get back with her make boundaries and stick to them.

your call bro here for you 

[vortex of confusion]

Any advice on how to win this girl back? Now that I understand BPD, things should be easier. But would a LTR ever exist after a break up with a BPD?

Before trying to win her back, I would recommend reading the lessons regarding understanding your behavior as well as hers.

What is so special about this person that makes you want to win her back? There isn't a right or wrong answer. It is a good idea to check in with yourself and do some soul searching. What is it about her that you miss? Are you being realistic?

[naguma]

What is it about her that you miss? Are you being realistic?

One of the biggest things I miss is the ability to hold an intelligent conversation about things I am unfamiliar with. We both have rather high IQ's, but she is intelligent in reading/writing/creativity and I math/science. However, should we start again I realize that she needs to be the one in control of all conversations - which is fine.

There where times in our relationship where I did the right things for a BPD, of course not understanding the underlying issue - eventually it would boil over. During those times, she could be the most fun/loving person to be around.

During other times, she would get physically and verbally abusive. Again something I feel ready to deal with now, understanding where it comes from.

There is also a wild streak in her that was never explored during our relationship. Now I know that exploring that will actually increase our bond.

I had attempted to fix her. Seemed like she was getting close during the end, but also why she probably pulled away (plus an enabling psychiatrist.). At this point she probably wont ever be "normal", everything was undone. My ex has a huge problem with "forgetting" what she has done and the psychiatrist believed her story without question, labeling me as the bad guy and even worked to cause our break up. ExBPD is now looking for a new psychiatrist, she has labeled her current one black - since all the advice she gave her has backfired. ExBPD is now coming back to me as I am the only one who ever gave her advice that panned out.

On the other hand, the appeal of a normal relationship does seem nice at this point. But it also seems lacking.

Figure at this point, between the two of us we make enough to party/go out 3-4 times a week. That may be all we ever do, but it could be one roller-coaster ride of a life. Hate to put it this way, but I know how to control her - always tried to fix her before and never wanted to control her, but at this point might as well enjoy the ride and do what I have to to enjoy it.