I know what you were thinking…some pwBPD are self proclaimed mind readers

[byfaith]

I come home from work yesterday. We had company all weekend. Went well. They left monday early afternoon. I come home and kitchen was a mess, anyway when I saw it in my mind I was saying what a mess (silently) then I walked over by the counter and I caught a wiff of something and out loud I said "oh man" That was it. Not out loud mad just an "oh man" when you smell something weird.

Wife was waking up, it's now 6pm. She did not sleep well the night before.

She asked me "why did you say oh man?" I said "because I smelled something weird in the kitchen"

My oh man turned into a lecture that I really wasn't saying oh man about something I smelled but it was an oh man for the way the kitchen looked.

I was sitting in my chair and she came and sat down and said " I'm going to say something so don't go raising your voice a couple octaves" but I know when you said "oh man" it was because the kitchen was a mess. I said well yes I thought the kitchen was a mess but the oh man was because I smelled something. she said "no you said Oh man because of the whole thing being a mess" I said OK in a calm voice think what you want. I let it go.

Me trying to defend what I said would have been useless.

I don't care how many lessons I read, books i read, advice I get…... I just never end up feeling good about the marriage relationship after crap like this. sorry I don't mean to be negative, I am just trying to figure out how to be happy in this marriage. I guess she felt guilty about the place being messy and had to take it out on me.

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[goateeki]

I come home from work yesterday. We had company all weekend. Went well. They left monday early afternoon. I come home and kitchen was a mess, anyway when I saw it in my mind I was saying what a mess (silently) then I walked over by the counter and I caught a wiff of something and out loud I said "oh man" That was it. Not out loud mad just an "oh man" when you smell something weird.

Wife was waking up, it's now 6pm. She did not sleep well the night before.

She asked me "why did you say oh man?" I said "because I smelled something weird in the kitchen"

My oh man turned into a lecture that I really wasn't saying oh man about something I smelled but it was an oh man for the way the kitchen looked.

I was sitting in my chair and she came and sat down and said " I'm going to say something so don't go raising your voice a couple octaves" but I know when you said "oh man" it was because the kitchen was a mess. I said well yes I thought the kitchen was a mess but the oh man was because I smelled something. she said "no you said Oh man because of the whole thing being a mess" I said OK in a calm voice think what you want. I let it go.

Me trying to defend what I said would have been useless.

I don't care how many lessons I read, books i read, advice I get…... I just never end up feeling good about the marriage relationship after crap like this. sorry I don't mean to be negative, I am just trying to figure out how to be happy in this marriage. I guess she felt guilty about the place being messy and had to take it out on me.

My mother would come over for dinner on Sunday from time to time.  One Sunday we all sat down to eat and then it was one thing after another that had been forgotten. I got up and grabbed what was needed, walked it back to the table.  Someone would mention another missing item, and I walked back into the kitchen to get that.  This sequence was repeated three times in total.  When I sat down, I realized that my glass was empty and I stood up to walk into the kitchen to fill it.  My mother laughed and smiled and said "Sit down and eat.  I'll get it for you."

After she left I received a ten minute lecture by my dBPD ex wife about how my mother did not actually want to get me a glass of water, instead she was using that event as an opportunity to tell her daughter-in-law what a bad person she is.  This was for me one of the moments when I realized very clearly that there is something wrong with her.  There were too many other events like that, but that was one of those moments when all doubt is erased and you know you're dealing with a person who has substantial emotional and character problems.


I'm fourteen months out and man, life is good. 

[maryy16]

My BPDH is a "mind-reader" also.

":)on't try to act like that's what you meant. I know what you really meant."

"You dont really want to do that or go there."

"You only did that because ... ."

Yup. I get that all the time.

[Fian]

It never ceases to amaze me when my wife tries to tell me what I am thinking.  I correct her, and say, no I was thinking something else.  AND SHE STILL WON"T BELIEVE ME.  I mean, who is in a better position to know what I am thinking?  Honesty is important to me so I would like to think I have established that I am not a liar, but she still can't get her head around the fact that I know better than she what is going on in my mind.

[goateeki]

It never ceases to amaze me when my wife tries to tell me what I am thinking.  I correct her, and say, no I was thinking something else.  AND SHE STILL WON"T BELIEVE ME.  I mean, who is in a better position to know what I am thinking?  Honesty is important to me so I would like to think I have established that I am not a liar, but she still can't get her head around the fact that I know better than she what is going on in my mind.

This might be the worst example ever.  I used to commute back and forth to work with my dBPD ex wife.  As one might expect, she was in the habit of idealizing people.  She took a shine to a girl that she had either hired or who had begun to work near her office -- at any rate, she saw a lot of her.  For a period of about ten days, nearly every evening, she would mention some funny or thoughtful thing this girl did that made her happy.  Then one evening, the girl was not mentioned.  In an effort just to make drive time conversation, I asked "So, how is so-and-so?"  My dBPD ex wife responded "You like her."  I was a little confused, inasmuch as I had never even met her, but said "Sure, I guess. You seem to say nice things about her."  And my dBPD ex wife said "No.  You like her.  You want to be with her."  Now, remember, I had never even met this person and any rational person would see what I'd said as an effort to make casual conversation.  I said "I've never even met her." And she just turned her head and looked straight out the windshield.  It was bizarre.  It was maybe the strangest exchange ever between us, and again, she was telling me what I was thinking -- without any basis in reality. 

[Cat Familiar]

Happens all the time. I've drawn a boundary: "You are not allowed to tell me what I'm thinking." It's getting better.