I can't take her anger anymore.

[sicksarah]

Hi everyone.

I'm new here and have finally after 24 years of suffering, discovered what is wrong with my mother.

I knew all along she was bipolar but, I knew that wasn't all of it. I looked into BPD and was shocked to see that she had every single symptom.

I read plenty of stories from adult children of mothers with BPD and it hurt me to know this is real. It hurt even more to know my childhood was a lie.

She even spent time and eventually accomplished turning me against my father. (The only good role model in my life)

I'm not sure where to begin but, please no judgment as my situation is very unique.

First of all, I am a single mother of a five-year old wonder. My mother took me to court for him when he was a year old and lied under oath about me. This resulted in her gaining custody which she still has.

I was sixteen years old when my father divorced my mother. I was in 9th grade when she ripped me away from him and moved us two hours away where I would live alone with her the rest of my highschool career. I continued 9th grade in this town.

One night, I was at a teen hangout. She showed up and was very upset with me. She left and upon pulling out of the parking lot, she rear-ended another car. The cops showed of course. She told them I was violent toward her. (lie) The cops didn't believe me, I got upset and was then arrested for disorderly conduct.

My mother even showed up at the station while I was in custody and tried to get me out when it was her who sent me in the first place!

My mother has tried to destroy me all these years with false police reports where cops were called on me like her own guard dogs, insulting and degrading me in front of my child, telling him she will keep him safe from me and that I'm a terrible mother, kicking me out of my only home, trying to turn my significant other against me, lying to my father about any actions, even telling the police I do illegal drugs.

She talks terribly to my son. Tells him she's ashamed of him, yells at him, and then tells me I'm a b___ for taking away a toy because of his behavior. She's the one who needs mental stability but, she tells me I'm crazy and I need counseling.

She has spent years enabling me as well. I am going to college but, I have no choice but to rely on her for everything whether it's money, transportation, food, shelter... .she refuses to take me places to get a job and tells me I need to spend my time with my son. I just want to get my life together and get my son and I away from her for good. She hasn't even gone to get groceries for nearly three days to punish me for asking for money to take my child swimming.

Every single day is a battle for my sanity. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm tired of having to tell my son not to listen to her mean words.

Any advice for me is more than welcomed. Thanks, everyone.

[bethanny]

Sarah,

The betrayal of your mother against you is heartbreaking.  Manipulating the police against you is profound betrayal. Her having custody of your child causes more codependency. So often the "identified" patient or scapegoat in the eyes of the family, the police, the community, etc. is NOT the real sick instigator behind the REAL problems for everyone. 

This lying and manipulation of people's empathy is horrifying and frustrating and dispiriting to us. The control of "group think" by the uBPD is so slick and effective so often.

I know about the dependency trap with a uBPD.  The uBPD needs to be in control and our becoming strong and independent threatens their addiction to complete control.  They are power addicts. They project their self-hate onto us.

Stay close to support groups such as this one if you can. How about 12 step meetings?  Codependents anonymous is one.  On line or in your vicinity.

Detach as best you can and don't let her bait you to act out.

Good luck.

Best,

bethanny

[HappyChappy]

Sicksarah you really have been through the mill. Does sound like your BPD has been extremely unfair to you. But never forget this is not personal, it’s just BPD manipulation.

Ironically a BPD can wind us up on will. They know our triggers better than we do.  Hence when the Police turn up, they can get us sounding irate. Bit like an 8 year old kid trying to wind up her sister.

We cannot control the behaviour of a BPD, but we can change how we see it. So if you can learn to disconnect from your mom’s manipulation, life will get so much better. Just as at school, the way to avoid the bully was being “not bothered”, a BPD uses bullying tactics also. Easier said than done, but there are books and tips on this site that can help with disconnecting. Once you’ve done that, things will begin to get easier and it really does sounds like you deserve a break. Best of luck, and this website is here for you every step of the way in your recovery.