feel like I betrayed myself

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was in a relationship-engaged to a man for the past 7 years and finally broke it off 2 months ago. We were aware he had emotional problems and he was in counseling for most of the 7 years but was only diagnosed with borderline personality this past year. I couldn't marry him because I didn't trust him, which of course he kept telling me was my emotional issue. He was clever that's for sure. I got taken in by his constant admiration, makes me sick to my stomach. I thank God I didn't marry him but my gut instinct was screaming the whole time and I let him convince me that it was some issue I had with commitment.

He is such a clever lair, today I am wasting my energy wondering what he has said to friends and family. I do know that it shouldn't matter, but today it does.

Mostly, I am disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut that was screaming and now I feel like I am the one with the problem. I can't share the things I put up with from this man because I am so embarrassed that I was taken in.

[Kathy W]

I was in a relationship-engaged to a man for the past 7 years and finally broke it off 2 months ago. We were aware he had emotional problems and he was in counseling for most of the 7 years but was only diagnosed with borderline personality this past year. I couldn't marry him because I didn't trust him, which of course he kept telling me was my emotional issue. He was clever that's for sure. I got taken in by his constant admiration, makes me sick to my stomach. I thank God I didn't marry him but my gut instinct was screaming the whole time and I let him convince me that it was some issue I had with commitment.

He is such a clever lair, today I am wasting my energy wondering what he has said to friends and family. I do know that it shouldn't matter, but today it does.

Mostly, I am disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut that was screaming and now I feel like I am the one with the problem. I can't share the things I put up with from this man because I am so embarrassed that I was taken in.

[vortex of confusion]

 

 Welcome to the forums! You have found a great place to help you sort this stuff out.

Are you done with him for good or are you still dating him without being engaged? I ask because this is posted on the undecided forum. On the leaving forum, there are a lot of people that have been in your shoes.

Don't be upset with yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. Being with a person with a personality disorder can make any sane person feel bat crap crazy. It will take time to come out of the FOG and heal. There are a lot of lessons that you can find on the different forums to help you understand the bus that you were hit by with the relationship.

[Circle]

my gut instinct was screaming the whole time

So glad you didn't marry this person! I think we are all learning the gut-instinct lesson on these boards. Sounds like you have made a lot of progress already, which is how you found all of us!

[Lucky Jim]

I am disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut that was screaming and now I feel like I am the one with the problem. I can't share the things I put up with from this man because I am so embarrassed that I was taken in.

Hey Kathy, No need to feel embarrassed.  Most of us have been down the same path before you [read: me], which is why we're here.  If it makes you feel any better, I ignored my gut feelings, too.  I think you almost have to ignore them in order to be in a r/s with a pwBPD.  There is much to learn on this site and a lot of supportive people.  Welcome! 

LuckyJim