Karma's a bitch

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Still read here a few times a week but don't post that much anymore. Anyhow, I got a text from my ex's son a little while ago and he asked me where I got his mother's oil changed. He doesn't live with her anymore, he moved out a little after I moved out after the breakup. At first I figured that he was having to take her car for maintenance since I was gone. She never would get her oil changed or any maintenance done on her car, so I had to do it. The motor in her last car locked up because she didn't change the oil.

So I asked her son if the maintenance on his mothers car was his job since I was gone. He said, "No her motor locked up and the dealership wants to know where they changed her oil so they can fix it under warranty". I told him where I got the oil changed, but I also kindly informed him that the last time I took her car in for an oil change was probably around last July. That's 11 months since I had her oil changed and I know that she drives 1400-1600 miles a month. And the fact that they're asking me where I got the oil changed tells me that she probably hasn't gotten it changed since I had it changed last.

She financed the new car for 72 months in 2011, so she still owes about 2 years. And if the dealership determines that she didn't do proper maintenance on the vehicle, they won't cover it under warranty. Part of me feels sorry for her. However, part of me feels vindicated in the fact that I pretty much took care of everything for her. I wonder why replacement isn't taking care of this stuff?

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.  Anyhow, that's my rant for the month, ... .

[fred6]

Still read here a few times a week but don't post that much anymore. Anyhow, I got a text from my ex's son a little while ago and he asked me where I got his mother's oil changed. He doesn't live with her anymore, he moved out a little after I moved out after the breakup. At first I figured that he was having to take her car for maintenance since I was gone. She never would get her oil changed or any maintenance done on her car, so I had to do it. The motor in her last car locked up because she didn't change the oil.

So I asked her son if the maintenance on his mothers car was his job since I was gone. He said, "No her motor locked up and the dealership wants to know where they changed her oil so they can fix it under warranty". I told him where I got the oil changed, but I also kindly informed him that the last time I took her car in for an oil change was probably around last July. That's 11 months since I had her oil changed and I know that she drives 1400-1600 miles a month. And the fact that they're asking me where I got the oil changed tells me that she probably hasn't gotten it changed since I had it changed last.

She financed the new car for 72 months in 2011, so she still owes about 2 years. And if the dealership determines that she didn't do proper maintenance on the vehicle, they won't cover it under warranty. Part of me feels sorry for her. However, part of me feels vindicated in the fact that I pretty much took care of everything for her. I wonder why replacement isn't taking care of this stuff?

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.  Anyhow, that's my rant for the month, ... .

[DyingLove]

Still read here a few times a week but don't post that much anymore. Anyhow, I got a text from my ex's son a little while ago and he asked me where I got his mother's oil changed. He doesn't live with her anymore, he moved out a little after I moved out after the breakup. At first I figured that he was having to take her car for maintenance since I was gone. She never would get her oil changed or any maintenance done on her car, so I had to do it. The motor in her last car locked up because she didn't change the oil.

So I asked her son if the maintenance on his mothers car was his job since I was gone. He said, "No her motor locked up and the dealership wants to know where they changed her oil so they can fix it under warranty". I told him where I got the oil changed, but I also kindly informed him that the last time I took her car in for an oil change was probably around last July. That's 11 months since I had her oil changed and I know that she drives 1400-1600 miles a month. And the fact that they're asking me where I got the oil changed tells me that she probably hasn't gotten it changed since I had it changed last.

She financed the new car for 72 months in 2011, so she still owes about 2 years. And if the dealership determines that she didn't do proper maintenance on the vehicle, they won't cover it under warranty. Part of me feels sorry for her. However, part of me feels vindicated in the fact that I pretty much took care of everything for her. I wonder why replacement isn't taking care of this stuff?

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.  Anyhow, that's my rant for the month, ... .

Thats funny and thanks for sharing because at first my ex never changed the oil either.  I had to send her $50 to do it.  It was like 9K miles at least.  And that was 4 years ago. She was on her 2nd engine.  When I left, the car was going thru at least a quart every two weeks, and I was supposed to change it the week we broke up, but through out the next two months.  I didn't and who gives a crap!  LOL  Gotta love that Karma!

[fred6]

Still read here a few times a week but don't post that much anymore. Anyhow, I got a text from my ex's son a little while ago and he asked me where I got his mother's oil changed. He doesn't live with her anymore, he moved out a little after I moved out after the breakup. At first I figured that he was having to take her car for maintenance since I was gone. She never would get her oil changed or any maintenance done on her car, so I had to do it. The motor in her last car locked up because she didn't change the oil.

So I asked her son if the maintenance on his mothers car was his job since I was gone. He said, "No her motor locked up and the dealership wants to know where they changed her oil so they can fix it under warranty". I told him where I got the oil changed, but I also kindly informed him that the last time I took her car in for an oil change was probably around last July. That's 11 months since I had her oil changed and I know that she drives 1400-1600 miles a month. And the fact that they're asking me where I got the oil changed tells me that she probably hasn't gotten it changed since I had it changed last.

She financed the new car for 72 months in 2011, so she still owes about 2 years. And if the dealership determines that she didn't do proper maintenance on the vehicle, they won't cover it under warranty. Part of me feels sorry for her. However, part of me feels vindicated in the fact that I pretty much took care of everything for her. I wonder why replacement isn't taking care of this stuff?

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.  Anyhow, that's my rant for the month, ... .

Thats funny and thanks for sharing because at first my ex never changed the oil either.  I had to send her $50 to do it.  It was like 9K miles at least.  And that was 4 years ago. She was on her 2nd engine.  When I left, the car was going thru at least a quart every two weeks, and I was supposed to change it the week we broke up, but through out the next two months.  I didn't and who gives a crap!  LOL  Gotta love that Karma!

Oh, my ex gave me her debit card and paid for the oil changes. Just every 2-3 months I had to go drop off my car at her work and pick hers up and take it to jiffy lube. I thought that it was lazy and selfish of her, but I really didn't mind too much. I actually liked doing nice things for her.

However, I usually did everything anyhow. All of the cooking, most of the cleaning, paid when we went out, and gave her money when she was short between checks and she made 40% more than I did. I did almost everything for her and subsequently was cheated on, lied to, and discarded like yesterdays garbage. Aside from a handful of texts for the first month or two after the break up I haven't seen or talked to her since last Sept. 20th.

[DyingLove]

Fred6, I'm sorry for your grief as well as mine and everyone elses too.

I was PROUD to have finally found a woman that Loved me as I was and for who I was. Was willing to absorb all the financial grief if ever there was any. Not play pin the blame on the donkey, and make our life rich and rewarding when we could.

I was PROUD to take care of my new family in ANY capacity necessary. Even taking a hit now and again because life is NOT perfect was just fine with me.  As long as we were together we could overcome anything and make anything a reality.

I am NOW DEVASTATED that I was, in all honesty, lied to, deceived, duped, used and whatever.  Even if it was unintentional, even if she is "ill", it still happened and that doesn't make the pain or situation any better. Even though it may be unintentional, what about the fact that she is going to do it again to someone?  That isn't forgivable either. I know we forgive for ourselves, but forgiving AND our outlook about someone can be quite conflicting.  Once again, time is the healer, and I'm learning more as I move along.  I'm ahead of the game too because she probably is stuck in her own little bubble that hasn't popped yet!

The incident over the past couple of days about two swimmers losing limbs to shark attack.  Of course the sharks were "just being sharks", but they still lost limbs and they are still going to suffer. Forgive the sharks, but the limbs are still gone!

[Mutt]

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.

Hey fred6,

I hope things are going well with you. Are you in "no contact" with your ex?

[fred6]

Fred6, I'm sorry for your grief as well as mine and everyone elses too.

I was PROUD to have finally found a woman that Loved me as I was and for who I was. Was willing to absorb all the financial grief if ever there was any. Not play pin the blame on the donkey, and make our life rich and rewarding when we could.

I was PROUD to take care of my new family in ANY capacity necessary. Even taking a hit now and again because life is NOT perfect was just fine with me.  As long as we were together we could overcome anything and make anything a reality.

I am NOW DEVASTATED that I was, in all honesty, lied to, deceived, duped, used and whatever.  Even if it was unintentional, even if she is "ill", it still happened and that doesn't make the pain or situation any better. Even though it may be unintentional, what about the fact that she is going to do it again to someone?  That isn't forgivable either. I know we forgive for ourselves, but forgiving AND our outlook about someone can be quite conflicting.  Once again, time is the healer, and I'm learning more as I move along.  I'm ahead of the game too because she probably is stuck in her own little bubble that hasn't popped yet!

The incident over the past couple of days about two swimmers losing limbs to shark attack.  Of course the sharks were "just being sharks", but they still lost limbs and they are still going to suffer. Forgive the sharks, but the limbs are still gone!

Thanks DyingLove, I'm doing much much better than I was at the end of 2014. Not back to myself yet, but then again I don't think that I'll ever be the same when it comes to relationships and females. Trust is going to be my stumbling block.

[fred6]

On an off note, I find it sad and funny that she couldn't even drum up the courage to contact me herself and had her son text me.

Hey fred6,

I hope things are going well with you. Are you in "no contact" with your ex?

Hey Mutt, how ya been doing? I'm doing alright. I haven't left you guys. I still read here a few times a week and post occasionally. There's just a point that you reach when you have to move forward.

Yes, I'm in "no contact" with her. It was only a handful of texts between us after the breakup. And I'm happy to report, since the end of end of the 2014 there has been no contact.

[Mutt]

Hey fred6,

I'm doing well   It's good to hear your doing alright and checking in. I just wanted to say that I don't think it's because your ex can't drum up the courage and I think it's because she gets the picture with your vigilance and "no contact".

It's also good to hear that your moving forward. I can understand not trusting the opposite sex because of the amount of pain we go through. Remember fred6 that not all women are going to treat you like your exgf.

“For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack.” ~D.H. Lawrence

[fred6]

Hey fred6,

I'm doing well   It's good to hear your doing alright and checking in. I just wanted to say that I don't think it's because your ex can't drum up the courage and I think it's because she gets the picture with your vigilance and "no contact".

I don't know Mutt, I tried to work things out with her before I moved out. And even after I moved out I tried limited contact to try and work things out with her. Somehow, I kind of knew before I left that I would never hear from her again, but before I left she said that she wanted to remain friends. It was at the point a month or two after I moved out that she replied to a text with, "you need to leave me the "F" alone". Since then, I have left her the "F" alone. No need to make anymore of a fool of myself than I already have, .

It's also good to hear that your moving forward. I can understand not trusting the opposite sex because of the amount of pain we go through. Remember fred6 that not all women are going to treat you like your exgf.

I know they're not all bad Mutt. I don't know if it's not trusting the opposite sex or not trusting myself to judge their individual intentions. Or maybe even a combination of both. To me, our relationship was going ok. We had our ups and downs like all relationships do, but nothing major as far as I'm concerned. Then one day, BAM right between the eyes, cheating, lying, move out, it's over. I still don't know exactly what happened or why. Either she was doing it all along and I didn't see it. Or one day something just snapped in her head. I still think it had something to do with her quitting her job, quitting her zoloft, and running off a couple of her long time friends, all within a week or so. Guess I was the next target, haha.

“For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack.” ~D.H. Lawrence

Hey Mutt, you somehow managed to shoehorn her name into the last half of that D.H. Lawrence quote. That's too funny, LMAO

[Mutt]

I can understand trying to make things work. I tried to convince my ex to not leave because I didn't think that she understood the impact that her choices would have on the entire family. I was really worried about the kids. I knew she had emotionally checked out and wasn't listening to what I had to say, she just wanted out and I think things were for the best.

It sounds like your ex had a lot going on all at the same time I can see how that could be triggering for someone.

I don't know if it's not trusting the opposite sex or not trusting myself to judge their individual intentions.

Did things move quickly with your ex when you first met?

[fred6]

It sounds like your ex had a lot going on all at the same time I can see how that could be triggering for someone.

She did have a lot going on. However, it all just started one day. I'm not sure what happened. She just started acting like a nut. For 3 years she cared, then she was just gone in the blink of an eye. You don't get to do that, to come into somebody's life, make them care and just check out. That's Fukced up.

Did things move quickly with your ex when you first met?

Yes, BUT... .I met her in the 4th grade in 1984. She disappeared in 1989 in the 9th grade. I stumbled upon her on facebook in 2011 and the rest is history. I was moved in within 6 months. I was there for 3 years. Now I'm here. I miss being there and I miss her daughter and I miss "FRED" the cat. I wish that I could rewind. But life doesn't work like that. Now I'm here talking to you, and that's fine with me. I don't have to walk on eggshells in my little $hitty ass apartment. I'm doing good Mutt, thanks for caring!