The Pain of Leaving a BPD... Has Anyone Felt This...

[bjm]

I walked away from my girlfriend about 40 days ago.  I have never dealt with more chaos, lies, and drama in a short amount of time in my whole life.

When I finally walked away, I never heard from her again.  No call, no text, nothing even wondering where I Went... .

I know I cannot be with her, but feel an immense daily pain, and actually pray that she will contact me.

Has anyone dealt with this; them not re-surfacing and wanting them to but knowing you can't reach out to them... .

[lm911]

Same things here. We will get better with time, it is very hard but we should try have some hobby, do some sport, have a job and go out. You should keep yourself busy, altough your brain will still think of her. But with time things will go easier, and most important if you are lucky to find your woman in the meantime - healing will be much quicker. Don't get around alkohochol and drugs, be strong and have patience.

[gomez_addams]

I agree with lm111 about getting a hobby.

Set some personal goals. Something attainable, but will help you stay focused. I'm in the process of setting my goals for when she moves out and the divorce goes through. Going to create a bucket list, of sorts.

Gomez

[zipline]

Has anyone dealt with this; them not re-surfacing and wanting them to but knowing you can't reach out to them... .

I have for sure. I don't want to contact her, but I desire for her to reach out. I wouldn't do anything about it, but it would make me feel like I existed in some way to her.

[rotiroti]

Absolutely. I was the one that walked out, but still feel like the one that was broken up with. I knew I was (and still am) vulnerable. I went and blocked her on everything imaginable. It's only been about a week and there are plenty of obsessive thoughts (ruminations) throughout the day, but at the same time, I can feel myself getting better by the hour.


Hang in there! Read all the posts, do the workshops, and keep writing. It really helped me!

[NonBPDEx]

Yes, I feel like this too.

I broke up with my BPD girlfriend three months ago. She had her guy in waiting, so immediately after I broke up with her, she was with him and has been since.

I saw her once to exchange a few things. She looked great. Said she was much happier now. Other than that there has been n/c.

I think of her constantly. I too wish she would contact me, but know that if she did, it would not be out of love, but only because her current relationship is going south.

I am incredibly sad all the time. They say it gets better with time. I am still waiting for that.

[sixthsense]

Sadly... .and it's like no other pain I've felt in my life. I sent a few high-level texts in the early days of the break up that garnered  "you too" and "thanks" responses. Nothing sense... .

Unfortunately, we still work for the same company so we cross paths... .a lot lately. We don't speak. She doesn't speak and I feed into her energy so I don't speak either which creates more intensity. Neither of us are seeing anyone. She checks up on my status at work and visits my LinkedIn page, but she won't talk to me or give me any kind of eye contact. Actually, she deliberately looks away making it obvious that she is not going to look at me. I guess I'd call it closely keeping her distance.

She's always been a loner at work, but since the break up, her body language is a bit subdued. She's angry, but she appears sad. I am too, but it is what it is... .

I'm keeping busy, etc., but the pain lingers. I see her and just want to hold her, but we both are too stubborn and distrusting to allow that to happen. When we have meetings together she doesn't acknowledge me, but is very cordial in work-related emails. At office functions, it's a bit awkward for me because I see how awkward she behaves in my presence.

I'm not interested in finding a replacement when I'm still carrying the weight of our relationship on my back... .

sixthsense

[UserName69]

I felt a betrayed because I was very good to her I gave her everything I could ever give her and asked myself is this how she thanks me? At that moment I decided that this rs was just bad and I had to move on. There are a couple things you can do to get over her and I know for sure it's going to help you.

- Get rid of everything that reminds you of her such as gifts, emails, sms's etc. They'll only remind you of her. I got rid of everything that reminded me of my exBPD.

- Keep your self busy; start new hobbies, go out with your friends keep your self busy. The distraction will help you a lot.

- When you start to miss her think about all the BAD things that happened in your rs which are caused by her. Remind yourself why she became your exBPD.

To be honest there is no going back, even if you did it's impossible to have a healthy rs with her. Me and my exBPD broke up 14 times in 6 months. I don't want to have an unstable gf who drives me crazy with her push pull behavior. You need to move on, there are tons of single girls out there who're way better compared to your exBPD.

I'm over her and I have a new girlfriend, she only made me realize how bad my prev relation was. It isn't our fault, pwBPD are great actors/liars they always blame it on the other person. Don't drive your crazy, whatever she tells you it's ALWAYS the opposite.

[NonBPDEx]

I was the one that walked out, but still feel like the one that was broken up with.

Yes, this is exactly the case with me also. And I do not understand why.

[rotiroti]

I was the one that walked out, but still feel like the one that was broken up with.

Yes, this is exactly the case with me also. And I do not understand why.

Kudos to have the courage and initiative. It's hard to sort out the reasons especially if the wound is fresh. Trust me, i'm not that far out myself... .

reasons for me was all the gaslighting and projection. I used to be so confident, but by the end of the r/s, i started to believe that her words were gospel. She would use all of my personal secrets and esteem issues and blend them in with her projection. It was difficult hearing those things!

[bjm]

Thank you all for your responses.  How are they ok moving on so easily?

[disorderedsociety]

Thank you all for your responses.  How are they ok moving on so easily?

Splitting reflex, all the feelings get compartmentalized into a black box along with you and the relationship, while they search for something to idealize. They know no gray area.

[Confused in TX]

You are all in my thoughts and I'm sending healing vibes.  It's been three weeks for me since my BPD boyfriend proposed and ended it on the same night out of nowhere and I can barely function even though everyone around me tells me it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I sincerely hope and pray it gets better.  I can't make sense of anything.  I hear you and feel your pain,

[bjm]

Thank you for all of your responses.  So tell me, how are they so ok with leaving?  How is it so easy?

[Invictus01]

Yep... .That first month... .I don't wish that kind of condition on anybody. I don't know how I wasn't hit by a bus one day because the first month or so, I walked around without paying attention to anything around me, like the world simply stopped. Almost every night I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I literally was missing a half of me. Suicidal thoughts, thoughts of killing her, I think I was certifiably insane. Ended up in a T office and told her that it literally felt like the love of my life died in a car wreck. To which she replied - "That is probably a fair comparison of the psychological trauma you are going through" Never felt like this before, really hope I will never feel like this ever again.

[SummerStorm]

I am dealing with this right now, only I was the one who was shut out.  I seriously considered walking away several times, but the allure was so strong that I kept coming back.  Even though, in the back of my mind, I know that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me, I still feel so much pain.  I feel lost, empty.  And no one seems to understand.  "Get over it," they say.  How can I get over it when everything reminds me of her?  I've deleted her from my phone and taken down pictures she drew for me, but there are so many other reminders, like the fact that we watched many of the same TV shows and the fact that she slept in my bed.  It's hard to get over something that you just don't understand, and she has now completely shut me out of her life, and I'm pretty sure she has told those around her to do the same, making me out to be the "bad guy" in all of this.  All I want is for her to acknowledge that she hurt me, but I know that will never happen. 

[rotiroti]

Thank you for all of your responses.  So tell me, how are they so ok with leaving?  How is it so easy?

Splitting

[Sosoconfused]

I walked away from my girlfriend about 40 days ago.  I have never dealt with more chaos, lies, and drama in a short amount of time in my whole life.

When I finally walked away, I never heard from her again.  No call, no text, nothing even wondering where I Went... .

I know I cannot be with her, but feel an immense daily pain, and actually pray that she will contact me.

Has anyone dealt with this; them not re-surfacing and wanting them to but knowing you can't reach out to them... .

I am happy that my ex is not contacting me, she was legit crazy. I am much more scared of her contacting me; I hope I never hear from her ever again.