Her birthdays' coming up

[dobie]

She is about to turn 30 next month

Part of me wants to send her a card the part that still loves her and misses her the other part of me does not the part that was discarded and devalued the part that was smashed to pieces by her cruelty .


Thoughts ?

[AwakenedOne]

Hi Dobie,

My opinion is don't send her a card.

Considering what you have been through with her I don't think it is in your best interest.

Maybe take the 5 dollars you would of spent on the card and give it to a homeless person instead? Good chance that the homeless person would appreciate it more right? Donate it at church or just wait for a windy day and throw it up into the air to flutter and fly in the wind to the person that should have it.

Are you seeing any good at all from being away from her? It took me a while to see the good of her exit from my life. I view mine as a dark cloud that I escaped from involuntarily. The rain water that came out of the cloud was actually upon further observation acid rain.

[dobie]

I suppose in some ways I should be thankful but its hard when your s/s nearly cost you your life your savings your sanity your job etc

And then leaves you to somehow swallow the anger and hurt


I truly don't take anything positive from the r/s considering how it turned out it has been without a doubt the most destructive event in my life the most damaging and the one that has left scars and wounds that may never fully heal .

The rain cloud lifting would be karma biting her in the a%%

Untill then I have to just deal with all the c%%p she has caused and try and make some sort of better life .

[UserName69]

Don't do it, I was in the same situation. Her bday was coming and I already ordered a bouquet for her, at the time when we broke up I couldn't cancel the order so she received them. She didn't even care, she just remided me why I started to hate her and why I started to hang around with an another girl who is now my girlfriend. Now when I think back I tell myself I could spend that money on a fine hand rolled premium Cuban cigar. 

What you need to do is to forget about her, sending her that card will only slow you down in the process of healing because you're going to think about her and what she thinks about the card. Keep NC and move on, one day you'll find someone who deserves that card!

[rotiroti]

Hi Dobie,

My opinion is don't send her a card.

Considering what you have been through with her I don't think it is in your best interest.

Maybe take the 5 dollars you would of spent on the card and give it to a homeless person instead? Good chance that the homeless person would appreciate it more right? Donate it at church or just wait for a windy day and throw it up into the air to flutter and fly in the wind to the person that should have it.

Are you seeing any good at all from being away from her? It took me a while to see the good of her exit from my life. I view mine as a dark cloud that I escaped from involuntarily. The rain water that came out of the cloud was actually upon further observation acid rain.

I will agree with everyone else here -- don't do it.


Not to hijack the thread, but wanted to ask AwakenedOne. How long did it take for you to recover?

[dobie]

Thanks I know your all correct just wanted the validation not to send her the card

[Mutt]

Hey Dobie,

I understand you got your validation and I just wanted to say I can relate. My ex had her 30th when she left and I felt like I missed out because it was her milestone. I also wanted to say that I think it's normal to have triggers around anniversaries and holidays too in the first year. I think for many it gets easier after getting all of the holidays behind without our ex patrners and time / distance helps.

[Turkish]

It sounds like your feelings towards are are compartmentalized. These are natural feelings for a person who likely has a compartmentalized personality. Do what's healthy for you. Sending a card denotes attachment.