She also said that I need to change if we are to move forward, saying that she has done all she can
I think you have your answer then.
A little late to this thread... .but... .I agree with Verbena. As I think about boundaries and a r/s with a person with BPD traits... .I am shocked at how much they (ok... talking about my wife) deny wanting control... .yet seem to be grasping for control... .of me and my actions.
I've stopped allowing this to happen and the r/s dynamic has really changed... .and is changing
Back to the point for this thread...
I see an effort to put the r/s in your hands... your effort... .your responsibility... .
Please don't take it... .
Take your part... .leave the rest to her...
FF