After a week of no contact, she reached out again

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

"Please babe. I beg you. Help me. If you dont, its as if im dead"

Well after a week of NO CONTACT she reached out again. She is in MORE financial trouble and borrowed money from a friend that is now demanding payment after she ignored the due dates for partial payments

The same blame, guilt and hate pattern is emerging. I told her i would do what i can but cannot promise anything. Now, she is hating me for promising her i would help her (although her actual words were "it was implied". the crux of the matter is that things won't get better. she has never been able to handle finances properly. never has saved or invested and routinely spent every last dollar on material items rather than buying food or paying for expenses, or planning for the future.

I'm letting her go now once and for all.

The most difficult thing is loving someone that is on such a destructive path. and if i continue things, i too will follow the same path and become a burden to those that love me too.

i hope i can heal and eventually be in a loving , healthy relationship. i miss the intimacy and love.

she now says this

H: I never want us to break

up

H: im freaking out coz if dont pay her i will lose everything else

H: all youve worked so hard for too

H: im sorry for how i talk to you. you know everything has piled up and we arent together

H: i want to be with you and i dont want to admit that coz you only let me down

... but this bull___ is exactly what keeps me hanging on, and then thing don't get better. she still jeopardises things, and nothing gets better

[daz_bpd]

"Please babe. I beg you. Help me. If you dont, its as if im dead"

Well after a week of NO CONTACT she reached out again. She is in MORE financial trouble and borrowed money from a friend that is now demanding payment after she ignored the due dates for partial payments

The same blame, guilt and hate pattern is emerging. I told her i would do what i can but cannot promise anything. Now, she is hating me for promising her i would help her (although her actual words were "it was implied". the crux of the matter is that things won't get better. she has never been able to handle finances properly. never has saved or invested and routinely spent every last dollar on material items rather than buying food or paying for expenses, or planning for the future.

I'm letting her go now once and for all.

The most difficult thing is loving someone that is on such a destructive path. and if i continue things, i too will follow the same path and become a burden to those that love me too.

i hope i can heal and eventually be in a loving , healthy relationship. i miss the intimacy and love.

she now says this

H: I never want us to break

up

H: im freaking out coz if dont pay her i will lose everything else

H: all youve worked so hard for too

H: im sorry for how i talk to you. you know everything has piled up and we arent together

H: i want to be with you and i dont want to admit that coz you only let me down

... but this bull___ is exactly what keeps me hanging on, and then thing don't get better. she still jeopardises things, and nothing gets better

[Forestaken]

"Sometimes letting go takes more strength than holding on"

Leave her, she'll suck your soul.  Sounds harsh? Yea, reality is that BPDs will make non's their willing victims.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

I ended a 24+ year marriage, only regret: didn't do it sooner.

[JQ]

"Please babe. I beg you. Help me. If you dont, its as if im dead"

Well after a week of NO CONTACT she reached out again. She is in MORE financial trouble and borrowed money from a friend that is now demanding payment after she ignored the due dates for partial payments

The same blame, guilt and hate pattern is emerging. I told her i would do what i can but cannot promise anything. Now, she is hating me for promising her i would help her (although her actual words were "it was implied". the crux of the matter is that things won't get better. she has never been able to handle finances properly. never has saved or invested and routinely spent every last dollar on material items rather than buying food or paying for expenses, or planning for the future.

I'm letting her go now once and for all.

The most difficult thing is loving someone that is on such a destructive path. and if i continue things, i too will follow the same path and become a burden to those that love me too.

i hope i can heal and eventually be in a loving , healthy relationship. i miss the intimacy and love.

she now says this

H: I never want us to break

up

H: im freaking out coz if dont pay her i will lose everything else

H: all youve worked so hard for too

H: im sorry for how i talk to you. you know everything has piled up and we arent together

H: i want to be with you and i dont want to admit that coz you only let me down

... but this bull___ is exactly what keeps me hanging on, and then thing don't get better. she still jeopardises things, and nothing gets better

daz,

As I'm sure you've learned via the internet in chat rooms like this and other websites in regards to BPD, financial problems is just one of many issues they have. My ex BPD makes over $100k a year and blames her ex husband for having zero money saved in her 401k, the bank or anywhere else for that matter. I asked her one day how the heck do you make over a $100k a year and have nothing to show for it. it's just one of the reasons he left and now engaged to a beautiful woman,

Unless she is ready to go to therapy and maintain therapy it's probably never going to get better. As everyone else has said in a lot of different post and web sites, it's like dealing with a 3 year old behavior in an adult body. It's never their fault and will never be their fault, "I don't know ... .it wasn't me". One of the BEST things in order to help her is to have her be responsible for her own actions ... .good and or bad and the consequences that come with them. Like when you teach your child how to drive, they go out and speed and get a ticket ... .they go to the judge and pay for the ticket and or traffic school. You are teaching your children to be responsible adults and that their are consequences good and bad for your actions that you do ... .unfortunately people with BPD have never learned this skill. The best thing you can do is ... .DO NOTHING! Do NOT bail her out ... .DO NOT lend her money. If ... .a BIG FREAKING IF ... .you talk to her ... .talk to her like you would that 16 year old. Ask questions such as. What was your plan to pay this person? What is your plan now? How are you going to fix this? Never ... .and I mean NEVER tell her, hint at, or IMPLY that you're going to help her financial in any way.

Resume NC! If she reaches out, DO NOT PICK THE PHONE UP ... .LET IT GO TO VM! BETTER YET BLOCK HER NUMBER SO YOU DON'T GET TEXT EITHER!

As the other post said ... .YOU didn't cause this behavior ... .YOU can't control her behavior ... .and most importantly ... .YOU can't not fix her behavior! WRITE IT DOWN ON A POST IT ... .THOSE THRREE THINGS AND POST THEM ON THE BATH ROOM MIRROR, THE KITCHEN FRIDGE AS CONSTANT REMINDERS ! It'll help ... .it'll be painful as all of us have experienced with the person we love with BPD ... .but in about 4 weeks of NC ... .you'll start to fill better. Go out with a friend to a movie ... .dinner ... .GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND EXPERIENCE LIFE!  Before you know it ... .another month has gone by ... .still keep ignoring the phone calls ... .and who knows in 6 weeks ... .maybe less ... .you'll be looking to go out on a date with someone you meet.

Things will get better ... .they always do ... .breath deep ... .relax ... .and know that there are better things in life ... .

stay safe

JQ

[rotiroti]

"Please babe. I beg you. Help me. If you dont, its as if im dead"

Well after a week of NO CONTACT she reached out again. She is in MORE financial trouble and borrowed money from a friend that is now demanding payment after she ignored the due dates for partial payments

The same blame, guilt and hate pattern is emerging. I told her i would do what i can but cannot promise anything. Now, she is hating me for promising her i would help her (although her actual words were "it was implied". the crux of the matter is that things won't get better. she has never been able to handle finances properly. never has saved or invested and routinely spent every last dollar on material items rather than buying food or paying for expenses, or planning for the future.

I'm letting her go now once and for all.

The most difficult thing is loving someone that is on such a destructive path. and if i continue things, i too will follow the same path and become a burden to those that love me too.

i hope i can heal and eventually be in a loving , healthy relationship. i miss the intimacy and love.

she now says this

H: I never want us to break

up

H: im freaking out coz if dont pay her i will lose everything else

H: all youve worked so hard for too

H: im sorry for how i talk to you. you know everything has piled up and we arent together

H: i want to be with you and i dont want to admit that coz you only let me down

... but this bull___ is exactly what keeps me hanging on, and then thing don't get better. she still jeopardises things, and nothing gets better

[/color]


daz,

As I'm sure you've learned via the internet in chat rooms like this and other websites in regards to BPD, financial problems is just one of many issues they have. My ex BPD makes over $100k a year and blames her ex husband for having zero money saved in her 401k, the bank or anywhere else for that matter. I asked her one day how the heck do you make over a $100k a year and have nothing to show for it. it's just one of the reasons he left and now engaged to a beautiful woman,

Unless she is ready to go to therapy and maintain therapy it's probably never going to get better. As everyone else has said in a lot of different post and web sites, it's like dealing with a 3 year old behavior in an adult body. It's never their fault and will never be their fault, "I don't know ... .it wasn't me". One of the BEST things in order to help her is to have her be responsible for her own actions ... .good and or bad and the consequences that come with them. Like when you teach your child how to drive, they go out and speed and get a ticket ... .they go to the judge and pay for the ticket and or traffic school. You are teaching your children to be responsible adults and that their are consequences good and bad for your actions that you do ... .unfortunately people with BPD have never learned this skill. The best thing you can do is ... .DO NOTHING~! Do NOT bail her out ... .DO NOT lend her money. If ... .a BIG FREAKING IF ... .you talk to her ... .talk to her like you would that 16 year old. Ask questions such as. What was your plan to pay this person? What is your plan now? How are you going to fix this? Never ... .and I mean NEVER tell her, hint at, or IMPLY that you're going to help her financial in any way.

Resume NC~! If she reaches out, DO NOT PICK THE PHONE UP ... .LET IT GO TO VM~! BETTER YET BLOCK HER NUMBER SO YOU DON'T GET TEXT EITHER~!

As the other post said ... .YOU didn't cause this behavior ... .YOU can't control her behavior ... .and most importantly ... .YOU can't not fix her behavior~! WRITE IT DOWN ON A POST IT ... .THOSE THRREE THINGS AND POST THEM ON THE BATH ROOM MIRROR, THE KITCHEN FRIDGE AS CONSTANT REMINDERS ~! It'll help ... .it'll be painful as all of us have experienced with the person we love with BPD ... .but in about 4 weeks of NC ... .you'll start to fill better. Go out with a friend to a movie ... .dinner ... .GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND EXPERIENCE LIFE~!  Before you know it ... .another month has gone by ... .still keep ignoring the phone calls ... .and who knows in 6 weeks ... .maybe less ... .you'll be looking to go out on a date with someone you meet.

Things will get better ... .they always do ... .breath deep ... .relax ... .and know that there are better things in life ... .

stay safe

JQ

JQ, always with the sage advice!

[ascaffo]

You would no better than anyone the destructiveness of her path.  The hell I have been put through when she broke up with me has been excruciating because it was never done.  Totally destroyed me like it was her job over the top to the point where it was clear to everyone she wasn't over it.  Then the reach outs that literally are so random and insane that the most intelligent psychologist wouldn't be able to comprehend.  To then get those I miss you texts but have them lead no where just the constant being dragged along.  And odds are if you wait it out you'll be dragged back in to have the cycle continue to the point where you just lose a part of yourself in the girl.  Holding on to all the good memories but if no signs of any improvement show and it is that toxic of course it is the best option.  But having the strength to say I am done and actually being done are two different things.  Good luck to you.  I said I was done two days ago but I would go back because you are a smarter man than I.

[GaGrl]

She is circling back to you because her "magic" isn't working on other friends and acquaintances.

Compare the tone of her messages when she was NOT getting what she wanted to these recent messages when she again wants/needs something from you.

I have to wonder how many other people are getting begging messages from her.

[OnceConfused]

there was a story on this board about BPD awhile back:

BPD slipped on the path into the gorge below, so you extend a hand to pull them up. Instead of using their body and your hand as leverage to pull themselves up, they go limp and tell you to pull them straight up. Guess what, if you don't let them go then you will fall into the abyss with them.

That is how I see your xgf is doing. She is going limp and whoever extends the hand out will go down with them.

By the way, BPD is an expert at making us feel the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). That is how they hang on to us so tightly.

[daz_bpd]

I have blocked her from Skype and cellphone. She has sent me 4 emails in the last hour and a half.

Email 1 (3:57pm)

I blocked you from Skype as well. If one of these days you'll raise the money and maybe even more, I want you to keep in mind that you can no longer have me. That you may never go back to me.

Thank you for doing as I say for once. It was a waste talking to you, I cant believe you just contacted me to ask and you can't actually help.

Do not reply to this email. Stay as far away frok me as possible. I want absolutely NOTHING to do with you, see you or even hear your name.

Goodbye D**. Forget about me. We are definitely over.

Email 2 (4:50pm)

D** call me when you read this!

Email 3 (5:17pm)

Please add me back on skype NOW hurry

Email 4 (5:25pm)

I just got home. Was at *** and i want to talk to you coz i miss how we were

How her mood and attitude switches, it actually has me worried. who was i actually with this whole time?