My story- something clicked

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all,

First of all, congratulations to you.

I have been ready your posts for the previous days and it is amazing how you guys have helped me. So a big thank you to all.

I want to share my story which is very similar to those I have read in this forum.

I am a 35 year old woman who is going through the worst time in my life for the last month and a half.

I met a guy back in september online. We had a quick date which wasnt very well. However we dated for the second time and it was absolutely amazing. We started to date right afterwards. We clicked like I have never clicked with anybody in my entire life, we were so similar in so many things, it was amazing from the beginning, and when I mean amazing I mean truly, truly amazing. Basically a great honeymoon as I have read in your posts, with trips, super expensive gifts, and the relationship moving really fast. Beg jan we were practically living together and everything was amazing.

I saw a lot of red flags from the beginning, but basically ignored them. For example, I had the feeling that he was too clingy sometimes, he told me I was his first serious girlfriend (he is 37), and told me very weird stories, he also drank a lot. But He was absolutely infatuated with me, mirroring all my behaviours, reading all the books. i read, going to all the places I went, he even loved my cat when I know he hates cats... .Well, nothing you guys have not heard before. So I felt completely in love with him, felt like never had felt before about anybody.

About 5 months into the relationship, we agreed to oficially live together in june and start looking for a baby that we both wanted ( now i think- what was I thinking?). Thanks god the baby didnt come, however he proposed to me on April 26th with a huge and expensive engagement ring agter 12 days vacationing in thailand. Which was basically a reflect of what was happening in the relationship- everything very expensive, amazing trips, gifts... .everything very deregulated.

I told him it was too soon and I wanted to wait until september to tell our families.

In the meantime, we started to fight, but nothing too big. I was having a very bad time at work, a lot of stress and the fights were not to big to me... .but one day I felt compeltely alone and talking in the morning I told him I didnt want to continue with the relationship, I was sick with work and everything, and was more like an impulse thing... .called him to apologize 2 hours later but he had left the office and went to his hometown with his family, refused talking to me for 2 days and when he came back he told me he didnt want to continue for real. I was crying and apologizing and finally we decided to continue, as we said we loved each other a lot. I apologized many times, saying it was really a huge mistake.

We continue the relationship wih some fights, nothing major and most of the time very happy ( or that was my perception). We went to meet his family, that loved me, and he came to meet my family. He gave a speech to my father telling him he loved my values and wanted to stay with me forever... .and 3 days later over a minor disagreement because he told me im calling in 5 min and call in 6 hours, he broke up with me. I was atonished. 3 weeks had passee since all the ring paraphernalia.

He was having a bad time since beginning may, he had a car crash and major stress at work, also issues with me... .also panic attacks. He told me he had to go to the doctor because he tought he was depressed ( which probably was). He basically blamed me of everthing, him not sleeping and everything I have said, and refused to talk since then apart from a couple of emails saying he cannot talk to me because he is not ready to do so, also that he will do it when he is ready. Also he told me he was scared of me and he had so much panic that had changed the locks in his house. I was devastated.

It has been a month and a half since the b/u, and Im having the worst time of my life. Im on antidepressants and not able to function normally. Also going to therapy.

I was very scared at the beginning, thinking he was really sick, I saw his panic attacks and was really scared, he even bought me a huge bouquet of flowers to thank me for taking care... .that was 2 days before the break up.

First, I tought he was bipolar, now I see the traits of BPD. However he does not express any rage or anything, more on the passive aggeesive side. I dont know, I cannot diagnose, but there is something weird and scary with this behaviour. In any case, not normal behaviour.

Now, many things start to make sense to me. Black and white thinking about many people. Absolute devotion and mirroring to me in the first 5 months, making plans ( he was even interviewing for a job in australia¡) and then suddendly he is terrified of me. I can tell you, at the end I was too clingy, and he was starting to dissengage, but nothing out of normal relationship behaviours, my therapist also agrees with me on that one.

How can somebody talk to my parents telling them Im the best thing on earth and 3 days later break up with me and change locks because he is terrified? Really, cannot get it.

Im having a lot of support of friends and family, but really nobody understands the hell Im into. They tell me its only 6 months, but I really feel like a part of me has died with this story.

Im not anymore the strong and confident, and optimist woman really happy that had a great life. Dont know if that woman, with her hopes and dreams is goign to come back, ever.

Everything seems like a big lie to me, and probably everthing is.

what do you guys think? Thanks for listening

[Alabama1979]

Hello all,

First of all, congratulations to you.

I have been ready your posts for the previous days and it is amazing how you guys have helped me. So a big thank you to all.

I want to share my story which is very similar to those I have read in this forum.

I am a 35 year old woman who is going through the worst time in my life for the last month and a half.

I met a guy back in september online. We had a quick date which wasnt very well. However we dated for the second time and it was absolutely amazing. We started to date right afterwards. We clicked like I have never clicked with anybody in my entire life, we were so similar in so many things, it was amazing from the beginning, and when I mean amazing I mean truly, truly amazing. Basically a great honeymoon as I have read in your posts, with trips, super expensive gifts, and the relationship moving really fast. Beg jan we were practically living together and everything was amazing.

I saw a lot of red flags from the beginning, but basically ignored them. For example, I had the feeling that he was too clingy sometimes, he told me I was his first serious girlfriend (he is 37), and told me very weird stories, he also drank a lot. But He was absolutely infatuated with me, mirroring all my behaviours, reading all the books. i read, going to all the places I went, he even loved my cat when I know he hates cats... .Well, nothing you guys have not heard before. So I felt completely in love with him, felt like never had felt before about anybody.

About 5 months into the relationship, we agreed to oficially live together in june and start looking for a baby that we both wanted ( now i think- what was I thinking?). Thanks god the baby didnt come, however he proposed to me on April 26th with a huge and expensive engagement ring agter 12 days vacationing in thailand. Which was basically a reflect of what was happening in the relationship- everything very expensive, amazing trips, gifts... .everything very deregulated.

I told him it was too soon and I wanted to wait until september to tell our families.

In the meantime, we started to fight, but nothing too big. I was having a very bad time at work, a lot of stress and the fights were not to big to me... .but one day I felt compeltely alone and talking in the morning I told him I didnt want to continue with the relationship, I was sick with work and everything, and was more like an impulse thing... .called him to apologize 2 hours later but he had left the office and went to his hometown with his family, refused talking to me for 2 days and when he came back he told me he didnt want to continue for real. I was crying and apologizing and finally we decided to continue, as we said we loved each other a lot. I apologized many times, saying it was really a huge mistake.

We continue the relationship wih some fights, nothing major and most of the time very happy ( or that was my perception). We went to meet his family, that loved me, and he came to meet my family. He gave a speech to my father telling him he loved my values and wanted to stay with me forever... .and 3 days later over a minor disagreement because he told me im calling in 5 min and call in 6 hours, he broke up with me. I was atonished. 3 weeks had passee since all the ring paraphernalia.

He was having a bad time since beginning may, he had a car crash and major stress at work, also issues with me... .also panic attacks. He told me he had to go to the doctor because he tought he was depressed ( which probably was). He basically blamed me of everthing, him not sleeping and everything I have said, and refused to talk since then apart from a couple of emails saying he cannot talk to me because he is not ready to do so, also that he will do it when he is ready. Also he told me he was scared of me and he had so much panic that had changed the locks in his house. I was devastated.

It has been a month and a half since the b/u, and Im having the worst time of my life. Im on antidepressants and not able to function normally. Also going to therapy.

I was very scared at the beginning, thinking he was really sick, I saw his panic attacks and was really scared, he even bought me a huge bouquet of flowers to thank me for taking care... .that was 2 days before the break up.

First, I tought he was bipolar, now I see the traits of BPD. However he does not express any rage or anything, more on the passive aggeesive side. I dont know, I cannot diagnose, but there is something weird and scary with this behaviour. In any case, not normal behaviour.

Now, many things start to make sense to me. Black and white thinking about many people. Absolute devotion and mirroring to me in the first 5 months, making plans ( he was even interviewing for a job in australia¡) and then suddendly he is terrified of me. I can tell you, at the end I was too clingy, and he was starting to dissengage, but nothing out of normal relationship behaviours, my therapist also agrees with me on that one.

How can somebody talk to my parents telling them Im the best thing on earth and 3 days later break up with me and change locks because he is terrified? Really, cannot get it.

Im having a lot of support of friends and family, but really nobody understands the hell Im into. They tell me its only 6 months, but I really feel like a part of me has died with this story.

Im not anymore the strong and confident, and optimist woman really happy that had a great life. Dont know if that woman, with her hopes and dreams is goign to come back, ever.

Everything seems like a big lie to me, and probably everthing is.

what do you guys think? Thanks for listening