recent break up

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

hi all, my ex left 2 weeks ago and says it's over and it's all my doing, although she acknowledges she has BPD. she was diagnosed some years back.

she is self medicating with drink and drugs.

it is totally heartbreaking. constant lies, avoiding contact and any help.

we were together for 6 years.

[silver surfer]

hi all, my ex left 2 weeks ago and says it's over and it's all my doing, although she acknowledges she has BPD. she was diagnosed some years back.

she is self medicating with drink and drugs.

it is totally heartbreaking. constant lies, avoiding contact and any help.

we were together for 6 years.

[Turkish]

Hello silver surfer,



It must be frustrating to have an answer, but for she to turn back to her illness by self-harming rather than seeking treatment.

Is there any sense that she may initiate contact? It's not guaranteed, but it may happen. A cold cut-off is rare, though it depends upon the person and each situation, of course. What do you know about BPD, and how can you best engage her if she contacts you again? Take a look at the tools to the right of the board--> to start. Learning about what's going on inside of her is a good first step to understanding what you are dealing with, and how to best respond.

Turkish

[silver surfer]

Hi all, another 2 weeks on and learning loads from you all.

I'm trying really hard to step off the roller coaster but still find myself drawn in to a degree.

I discovered via the internet that she exBPD has a replacement who lives in another country, internet lover, and is now apparently engaged to be be married to him ?

She continues to devalue me along with claims that i really need professional help.

I've moved all her belongings out and cut contact which seems to annoy her greatly, but i have decided to move on as best i can.

I cant help but wonder as to whats real and what isn't for her ?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks to one and all nons.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey silver surfer, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear what you've been through.  As to what is real or not real for her, I doubt you will figure it out and probably waste a lot of energy in the process.  I'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now, but I predict that at some point you will be happy to have parted ways with your BPDx.  It's hard, I know, but it's time to step off the roller coaster.  Or you could say, time to paddle in.  You can drown in the BPD wave.

LuckyJim

[jac8949]

hi all, my ex left 2 weeks ago and says it's over and it's all my doing, although she acknowledges she has BPD. she was diagnosed some years back.

she is self medicating with drink and drugs.

it is totally heartbreaking. constant lies, avoiding contact and any help.

we were together for 6 years.

Congratulations.  I am envious of you.  If she really has BPD this is the luckiest break you will ever get in your entire life.  Run.  :)ont look back.  If your lonely find another girl... that will get your mind off of things and make it easier...

Now are you sure that she really has BPD... .I could definitely 100% be wrong... .but my experience is this-

1- BPD's do not leave... .yours did.  They typically stay until some sort of violent altercation occurs.

2- BPD's typically won't acknowledge that  they are sick.

Now if she is a drug addict or alcoholic or both... .that so much easier to fix... .but either way... .not your problem...

Congrats!

[jac8949]

Hi all, another 2 weeks on and learning loads from you all.

I'm trying really hard to step off the roller coaster but still find myself drawn in to a degree.

I discovered via the internet that she exBPD has a replacement who lives in another country, internet lover, and is now apparently engaged to be be married to him ?

She continues to devalue me along with claims that i really need professional help.

I've moved all her belongings out and cut contact which seems to annoy her greatly, but i have decided to move on as best i can.

I cant help but wonder as to whats real and what isn't for her ?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks to one and all nons.

Hey I posted something earlier for you... .but it was removed... I tried to make a light of the situation... .you know a little joke... at any rate... just stay on the path you are on.  Be strong.  If you have decided that you will have no contact with her... .then back that up with some action and DONT contact her.     

[silver surfer]

Hi, thanks for your input.

She was diagnosed with BPD some years ago after spending a week in a mental health hospital.

She has suffered with psychosis to.

I found out that the replacement was in her life before she left, (her email is still on the home pc)

I have been accused of threatening her with violence which is untrue ? I went to kiss her once and was accused of putting my hands round her throat ?

I personally am in recovery, 14 years, so wouldn't tolerate alcohol or drugs in the house.

I am in the process of removing all her property from my home and am experiencing a lot of hostility from her.

Trying my best to move on, she turned up at my home the other night, i wouldn't let her in and she only left once i called the police, she was verbally abusive.

I'm begining to find myself again which is fantastic, my heart is healing 

[satahal]

Silver Surfer,

I hope I don't come off as insensitive but I'm jealous that your's left. I wish mine would go of his own accord.

It sounds like you're in a good place and feeling optimistic - congratulations?

What do you think helped you most in terms of disengaging - how did you get yourself back or protect yourself while you were still with her?

S

[silver surfer]

Hi samanthal,

a few close friends who i could be open with and a lot of prayer.

Whilst i was still with her i was totally lost in it.

It's only 5 weeks so far and a lot of my thinking is still around her, i find if i just get on and do things it helps a lot and i don't beat myself up anymore.

I've read a lot of self help stuff too.

I hope things improve for you too.

Regards.

[satahal]

Thank you!

It makes sense that reconnecting with old friends and keeping busy would strengthen you. I'm going to begin that process now.