hey kinzon123, and welcome to bpdfamily!
im really sorry to hear youve been through this, but im very glad you found us. i can relate to several parts of your story, and im sure most of the members here can as well. youre not alone .
it seems like both you and i were in a situation we were kind of apprehensive about, but still shocked to the core when the carpet was yanked out. it speaks to exactly how high charged and volatile these relationships can be. at the time, my ex was clingy and dependent, and i didnt believe i could possibly be dumped either. being put on a pedestal only to be knocked off, even when you are uncomfortable or apprehensive about it, can none the less be devastating when it happens.
and no, it doesnt sound as if this person was very receptive to the notion that he played a role or shared any blame in his relationships, and it does sound as if that hasnt changed. you are correct, silent treatment is usually a form of punishment, and it is abusive. frankly its understandable that it would make you feel crazy. i didnt experience it directly, but plenty of members here can attest to it causing some very desperate feelings.
"This triggered a lot of bad memories for me& I stupidly continued to text him"
can you elaborate on the bad memories it triggered? many members here, myself included, find that issues from our past played a prominent role in our relationship. it can really help to discover the connection and ultimately break free from it as we heal.
":)o you think he sounds like he has BPD? I though initially depression but he had moments of being extremely happy it was only whenever he was on his own."
its difficult to say as we arent professionals and cant diagnose, but i do know something about depression having experienced it, and these arent necessarily the actions of a depressed person; that doesnt mean hes not depressed though, as BPD has a high comorbidity rate with other personality disorders, mood disorders, etc, depression being one of them.
"I have carried around an enormous sense of guilt. Thinking I put him down but largely because I have failed him. I. Didn't make him get help and I know he can't help it."
i understand the feeling, but try not to beat yourself up in this regard. you didnt fail him. you didnt create his issues, you didnt cause them, and unfortunately you cant cure them. that has to come from him, and as mentioned, he doesnt seem very receptive to that notion.
we have several resources here at bpdfamily, that will be of great use to you both in understanding these behaviors and detaching from the wounds associated. i would start here, with how a BPD relationship evolves:
https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htmhang in there, and please keep posting. youve come to the right place. we are here to help.