I am critically ill & BPDh is abusive & neglects me - I'm STUCK though

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Since I was on last, years ago, I have been diagnosed with NASH (a non alcoholic liver disease. I am on a transplant list waiting for a new liver. The symptoms are tough on me. I have severe fatigue and lots of pain. You can imagine how living with my dBPDh complicates the illness. He has always been desperate to control me but never really could.

So he is using my illness against me. In the past 2-4 years, he has destroyed my relationships with anyone in my support network including family and friends. He has closed our joint bank account and moved all $ to an account in his name only. He changed all passwords to any accounts like phones, power, credit cards etc. I am posting this through my cell phone, which he is threatening to cut off, because he already has taken MY laptop and locked it in his company car which I have no key to open. He has taken the car keys so I can't go anywhere. And, he has managed to lie enough about me to turn our children against me. He constantly tells me that I am a horrible wife and mother and in front of the kids. He has no compassion for my illness and the fatigue and pain I have telling me that I am just a lazy slob. Now he says he's getting a lawyer and having me declared an unfit mother. He wants me to just find somewhere else to live.

I spent the last 20 years as an at home Mom and I homeschooled all of our kids until I began to get sick. So, I have no $ or job.

oh, and I only have medical insurance through his job so, I can't divorce him or  I am taken off the transplant list and I die. Needless to say, I am severely depressed as well. I don't know what to do. I have never felt so all alone.

Any advice/thoughts?

[onAmission]

Since I was on last, years ago, I have been diagnosed with NASH (a non alcoholic liver disease. I am on a transplant list waiting for a new liver. The symptoms are tough on me. I have severe fatigue and lots of pain. You can imagine how living with my dBPDh complicates the illness. He has always been desperate to control me but never really could.

So he is using my illness against me. In the past 2-4 years, he has destroyed my relationships with anyone in my support network including family and friends. He has closed our joint bank account and moved all $ to an account in his name only. He changed all passwords to any accounts like phones, power, credit cards etc. I am posting this through my cell phone, which he is threatening to cut off, because he already has taken MY laptop and locked it in his company car which I have no key to open. He has taken the car keys so I can't go anywhere. And, he has managed to lie enough about me to turn our children against me. He constantly tells me that I am a horrible wife and mother and in front of the kids. He has no compassion for my illness and the fatigue and pain I have telling me that I am just a lazy slob. Now he says he's getting a lawyer and having me declared an unfit mother. He wants me to just find somewhere else to live.

I spent the last 20 years as an at home Mom and I homeschooled all of our kids until I began to get sick. So, I have no $ or job.

oh, and I only have medical insurance through his job so, I can't divorce him or  I am taken off the transplant list and I die. Needless to say, I am severely depressed as well. I don't know what to do. I have never felt so all alone.

Any advice/thoughts?

[Sunfl0wer]

This sounds terrible!

How is he able to alienate you from friends and family?

[Samuel S.]

OnAmission, I am so extremely sorry about all of the emotional and physical pain you have suffered! You deserve only the most amount of love, care, and compassion instead of the toxic treatment you are getting from him. You are being controlled in every single way, and my suggestion is to get a hold of the legal aid society in your town or city. It would be a good idea to explain your situation fully. Indeed, they should be able to help you out. They may refer you to your local women's shelter.

There is a long time friend of mine who was married to an extremely controlling husband. They had 2 kids, and she could not take it anymore after 23 years of marriage. She got the help of her local women's shelter. They found an apartment for her and for her kids, and got help for them to move to that apartment while he was at work. Then, she eventually divorced him.

I sincerely do hope you get both this legal and emotional support, because this husband of yours is not a husband, seeing that he is acting like a complete jerk!

[onAmission]

He has caused my Mother and sister to discontinue any contact with me through many years of him lying and making it a nightmare to get together with them.

I think it became too painful for them to constantly see him hurt me.

Also, about 10 years ago when he was diagnosed BPD and I decided to stay, they had a hard time understanding why I didn't just leave. I feel like they kinda just gave up on me

It  has been similar with friends. They get tired of hearing about the constant drama. Since BPD is so hard to understand and because they can be masters at manipulation, I can even find myself wondering if I have lost it.

People just don't want to get involved. They seem to think that if he has done something to me, I must have deserved it. After all, "he's such a great guy."

[onAmission]

Thank you Samuel  S. I am working to call today. I feel like I shouldn't have.to leave so that I able to be in my own home. I hope to find something out today.

[Forestaken]

>> Call a woman's shelter! <<

I was an abused spouse (male though), there aren't many shelters for men but there are for women.

Like you I was physically, emotionally and financially abused.  You don't have to take it. 

I understand the destruction of your support system, it happened to me too.  True friends will stay with you...

My Xw retained the health insurance until the divorce process went though (She took all the cash too). The process took 3 years!

One L told me, I couldn't afford to get divorced, my L allows payments.  Before I decided to divorce my Xw, I told myself "I will not die as I have lived." - Screw the house, it's a thing, you're a person.

[SurfNTurf]

Hello OnAdmission,

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm an RN, and if you were one of my patients, I would tell you to call the local Domestic Violence center in your area. They help with legal issues, finding pro bono or sliding scale attorneys, and often in divorce health insurance can be maintained pending dates or circumstances. Also, they can assist you with alternative living arrangements, or getting closing balances on your previous joint accounts so you can demonstrate your account was controlled without your permission. Please make the call and let us know how you are doing!