Message from him after 2 weeks N/C

[Yolanda123]

It seems like it's a pattern for most of our exBPD's to keep popping up in our lives after the breakup.

I have blocked his number in my cell phone so the call did not get through but apparently he's been able to leave a message yesterday despite the block... .took the message not expecting at all that it was from him. He called at 4:34, while I leave work at 4:30, which makes me suspect that he was watching me leave work (he lives 2 blocks from my workplace).

It’s been 2 weeks total N/C, before that he had texted me a few weeks ago and left a message on my home phone, but I did not respond to either of those.

He says ''Hi it's me... .I've been thinking a lot about my life and about all that... .I wonder if you have things to tell me or if you have questions to ask me... .I really hope you're doing well, because in spite of all that, you are important to me... .I know it doesn't matter but anyway, bye''

I had a bad day Sunday, went through a missing phase, remembering only the good. It's odd that he seems to be getting in touch with me at times when I struggle. And that his messages somehow confirm to me that leaving him was the best and only decision for me, because they are so disconnected and hollow, not addressing any real issue. He used to text me this kind of big revelation thing a lot when we were still together ‘’I’ve thought a lot, and I have something important to tell you’’, ‘I’ll have something important to tell you when we see each other next time’’ and then when I asked him about it, it was always an incomprehensible answer, something insignificant or confused. What kind of questions does he think I might want to ask him? Did you cheat, did you lie to me during our entire Relationship? I know the reality and the truth and it won't come from him and I know that we can’t have any kind of normal/mature/constructive conversation, any kind of positive closure - nothing good can come out of it. It makes me really sad that I feel I have no choice but to ignore him, but I know the best thing is to not respond.

[chill1986]

Don't reply. You're doing well, keep on the straight and narrow! You'll only get anxious waiting for his reply and maybe even angry at his as its most likely going to be lies anyway!

[chill1986]

My ex is like clockwork since our break up. 2 weeks of NC every time then something comes up.

[Pretty Woman]

Please don't respond at all.

I have been through this for three years. Finally detatching. My game changed because she is pre-occupied with my replacement but she reaches out to ALL her exes until they basically tell her to get lost.

But don't even tell him "get lost". Stay silent. He is baiting you.

So he wants to see if YOU have questions. What if you call and he tells you he replaced you?

Trust me. Better not to know anything and heal so you can move on.

[Yolanda123]

Thanks chill and Pretty Woman for the advice and support – I will definitely not respond. I am done and have no intention of getting sucked back into the chaos and I understand it’s just to test if there’s still an attachment so I need to show that there's not.

Although I have my fair share of anger and hate days towards my exBPDbf, I guess him reaching out brings me to think about his pain, how he is suffering as a consequence of this disorder. It just makes me sad.

Posted by: chill1986 

My ex is like clockwork since our break up. 2 weeks of NC every time then something comes up

How long has it been since your breakup?

Posted by: Pretty Woman 

Please don't respond at all.

I have been through this for three years. Finally detatching. 

Wow I'm sorry you had to go through this for 3 years, that's a long time. I'm glad you are in a better place now, detaching... .stay strong 

[chill1986]

2.5 months. Not long.

[Yolanda123]

And the stalking seems to continue... .I did not see him when I left work today but 10 minutes later my co-worker texted me that she saw him in the parking lot that's in front of my workplace.

This is getting creepy and it's playing with my nerves... .heart pounding and all everytime I get out of work. 

[confusedinny]

Strange about that 2 week mark. Im just approaching 2 weeks of NC for the first time and she sent a bunch of notes today. Started with a request for something she actually did need sent to her, which I hated to reply to, but I said that I would send. She went right into pushing to talk and guilting that I was her best friend etc... I simply said I needed space and time. She kept pushing and I stopped responding. Hated to break NC. Feels much nicer residing in NC. The only possible outcome for communication is drama, that's it, plain and simple. Nothing good can come of it.

She did say she was leaving the country for good. I'm hopeful it's true to increase the distance, but I'd wager it was a lie to test me.

[chill1986]

My ex contacted me about something she had kept of mine when I moved out, she packed all my stuff for me, but kept a few things. I know she has some others too, but they are not of importance to me. I think she is just keeping them as a back up plan in case she wants to re engage with me.