Constant suicide gestures

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi

I'm new here but really at the end of my tether with my sister.  She has BPD - diagnosed a number of years ago - and she has major drug and alcohol addictions.

She spent 15 months clean and sober in a residential rehab facility where she was also undertaking DBT but then left and went on a massive drug and alcohol binge.  In the last month she has overdosed on prescription meds twice, and is now in a mental health unit.  However today she was allowed to leave the grounds unsupervised and went to a store to buy methylated spirits which saw her admitted to the hospital emergency department.

I had no contact with her for 3 years prior to her going into rehab because of her destructive, abusive, and aggressive behaviour.  I have 4 children - two teens.  It was wonderful not having her around in all honesty as her BPD traits have been apparent from childhood and she has always been a manipulator.

I gave her a chance though, but these suicide gestures exhaust me.  She's done this numerous times, and she self harms as well.  It's like it's always just hanging there.  You're waiting for the call to let you know that she's finally actually been successful.  It sucks.

Is this anyone else's experience?  How do you cope with this? 

[Marvelly]

Hi

I'm new here but really at the end of my tether with my sister.  She has BPD - diagnosed a number of years ago - and she has major drug and alcohol addictions.

She spent 15 months clean and sober in a residential rehab facility where she was also undertaking DBT but then left and went on a massive drug and alcohol binge.  In the last month she has overdosed on prescription meds twice, and is now in a mental health unit.  However today she was allowed to leave the grounds unsupervised and went to a store to buy methylated spirits which saw her admitted to the hospital emergency department.

I had no contact with her for 3 years prior to her going into rehab because of her destructive, abusive, and aggressive behaviour.  I have 4 children - two teens.  It was wonderful not having her around in all honesty as her BPD traits have been apparent from childhood and she has always been a manipulator.

I gave her a chance though, but these suicide gestures exhaust me.  She's done this numerous times, and she self harms as well.  It's like it's always just hanging there.  You're waiting for the call to let you know that she's finally actually been successful.  It sucks.

Is this anyone else's experience?  How do you cope with this? 

[Kwamina]

Hi Marvelly

It's a sad reality of BPD that some people with this disorder engage in self-harming behaviors and have suicidal tendencies. There is a lot going on with your sister and her addictions only complicate things even more.

She was sober and clean for 15 months. It's very unfortunate that she quite DBT and had a relapse with alcohol and drugs. When she still was in DBT, did you feel like her behavior was improving?

It isn't easy seeing the people we love struggle. I hope your sister will at some point be able to turn things around but the reality is that right now she is going through a difficult period.

You mention her destructive, abusive, and aggressive behaviour. No matter how you decide to move forward, whether you help your sister or not, since you also have your children to think about, setting and enforcing boundaries with your sister will be extra important now.

This is a difficult and very unpleasant situation to be in. I am glad you are reaching out for support and hope that your participation here will help you deal with what you're going through. Take care

[sisterofbpd]

Hi Marvelly

Is this anyone else's experience?  How do you cope with this? 

I understand what you are going through all too well.  My BPDsis has serious drug and mental problems.  She is schizoaffective/BPD and a drug addict.  She's never been through rehab before, but has been in mental facilities several times in the past 5 years after being mentally hygiene arrested. 

I can tell you that for a very long time, I obsessed and spent a lot of time trying to figure out ways to help her.  Guide her to see someone for the mental help she desperately needs.  I wanted her to do it willingly as I think that is the only way it will help.  She insisted that there was nothing at all wrong with her and that perhaps something was wrong with everyone that was suggesting so.  I finally begged her to see someone and she cut me off with her usual nastiness and abusiveness that she saves for someone that she has painted black.  That was 3 years ago and to her I am still the anti-Christ and she runs a smear campaign to anyone who will listen, all of it lies or twisted truth.  Always painting herself as the victim and me as the abuser. 

My BPDsis also is extremely self destructive.  She even contracted HPV while strung out and sleeping with random people.  For a couple of months I was constantly getting phone calls from people telling me how messed up she is and why don't I get her help.  The truth is, it's impossible to force someone to get help.  For the longest time I jumped everytime the phone rang and seeing it was my parents number thinking that she has finally killed herself. 

I also have two children and the stress of handling all of this, was really affecting the way I was at home.  I decided to go to a therapist to discuss things because I really needed to talk to someone who wouldn't look at me like I was completely insane for having this going on in my family.  It helped immensely.

I've been NC with her for some time now.  I had to get off the drama roller coaster for my own wellbeing and for my families.  This is simply not something I can fix for her and I will no longer tolerate her abuse.  It still makes me sad sometimes but I just have to disconnect from her issues to save myself.  When ever I feel guilt coming on, I just re-read some of her nasty abusive emails to me and I feel better about my decision to exclude her from my life.

Sorry you are going through this!

[Marvelly]

Thanks for your replies.

I sometimes think my friends who have 'normal' families just don't understand what it's like to have someone with BPD in your life.

And of course my sister is so charming that it's difficult for people to grasp just what levels of manipulation and nastiness she's capable of.

She spent yesterday texting my mother from the mental health unit alternating from aggressive messages to messages saying how she wants to die, and will do what she can to die.

My mother has shown the psychiatric team but they say it's the addiction talking at the moment rather than the BPD.

Argh!  I can feel myself being sucked back into the craziness!

[sisterofbpd]

I sometimes think my friends who have 'normal' families just don't understand what it's like to have someone with BPD in your life.

And of course my sister is so charming that it's difficult for people to grasp just what levels of manipulation and nastiness she's capable of.

She spent yesterday texting my mother from the mental health unit alternating from aggressive messages to messages saying how she wants to die, and will do what she can to die.

My mother has shown the psychiatric team but they say it's the addiction talking at the moment rather than the BPD.

Argh!  I can feel myself being sucked back into the craziness!

I so can relate to this unfortunately.  Our extended family doesn't even understand it all.  She really is evil and in spite of it all, I still want what is best for her and care about her, but I have to remain NC.  It's driven a wedge between me and our Aunts and Cousins (not that they are the best people for me to be around anyway as they enable her) but it hurts that she has smeared me and my DH so much that it is uncomfortable to be around them.

As far as your sister texting your mother, I'm surprised the mental facility lets her have her phone and then determines that it's the addiction not the BPD talking.  I mean, does it matter what is making her say these things?  She clearly needs them to address that.  Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.  Hopefully this board helps you feel less alone in this as it has me. 

[Cosi]

Hi Marvelly

I am sorry to read you are going through this, but I hope it helps to read that you are not alone. So much of what you have written was for me "WOW, that is my story".

For me one of the hard things is like you were saying about how your friends who have 'normal' families just don't understand - and that is the great thing about this board, we can support each other from a degree of mutual understanding and support.

Stay strong and although I know it is easier to say than do, try not to get sucked back in.