Power

[workinprogress]

Okay, so I have had my ups and downs with my marriage to my wife.  There has been a great deal of push/pull between us. 

About two years ago she painted me white and was all about me, but I was hesitant to re-engage.  Well, that has passed and I am being painted black and white at intervals.  Right now I would say that I am gray. 

In my endeavor to make not just my marriage work, but my whole life work, I started reading a book called, "Power:  Why Some People Have It, and Others Don't."

I began thinking that early on in our relationship I did have a great deal of power (or maybe it was an illusion) but I allowed myself to gradually get worn down.  I recall a time that she genuinely respected me.  But, it's hard to be 100% on top of your game for work, life and everything while married to BPD.

So, I am going to dive further in this book and let you know how it works in practicing it in my marriage.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[workinprogress]

So, one of the first key things listed is to flatter your boss at work.  So, tonight before bed I will give my wife a nice compliment.  I know my wife is not my boss, I am just going to apply the techniques in the book.

[formflier]

 

I'm looking forward to you insights.

As a general rule... .pwBPD will claim to not want a "powerful" partner that has boundaries and holds to positions... but... .

Much like children that actually feel better with parents that have rules... .pwBPD traits seem to do better with partners that are consistent with reasonable rules... .(and lots of validation)

So... that way... a pwBPD traits can have their tantrum... .and when it is over... their world is pretty much the same... .rather than having their partner have some big reaction... .to the tantrum.

Just my two cents worth.


FF

[married21years]

I'm looking forward to you insights.

As a general rule... .pwBPD will claim to not want a "powerful" partner that has boundaries and holds to positions... but... .

Much like children that actually feel better with parents that have rules... .pwBPD traits seem to do better with partners that are consistent with reasonable rules... .(and lots of validation)

So... that way... a pwBPD traits can have their tantrum... .and when it is over... their world is pretty much the same... .rather than having their partner have some big reaction... .to the tantrum.

Just my two cents worth.


FF

that is exactly how our marriage was for twenty years, then i did something silly.

everything went wrong after that

i bought her a hot tub and deck as a surprise wedding anniversary present

[workinprogress]

I'm looking forward to you insights.

As a general rule... .pwBPD will claim to not want a "powerful" partner that has boundaries and holds to positions... but... .

Much like children that actually feel better with parents that have rules... .pwBPD traits seem to do better with partners that are consistent with reasonable rules... .(and lots of validation)

So... that way... a pwBPD traits can have their tantrum... .and when it is over... their world is pretty much the same... .rather than having their partner have some big reaction... .to the tantrum.

Just my two cents worth.


FF

that is exactly how our marriage was for twenty years, then i did something silly.

everything went wrong after that

i bought her a hot tub and deck as a surprise wedding anniversary present

So, after you bought the present things went wrong?