Do pwBPD see themselves as better than or apart from their partners?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am wondering what opinions or experience others have with this question.

I am still in divorce process and am reviewing our past and current ways of being with each other.  It has started to strike me that she really hasn’t ever been able to have a relationship of equality; whether it was blaming me for all the problems or her taking credit for all the good outcomes.  Said another way, she always was very much in control. 

One of our most contentious and ongoing issues was her saying everything had to be 50-50.  I thought this was so weird and could only think that she must perceive something in me that felt like I was not carrying my share of the load.  I would not want that to happen so kept on trying to be 50-50.  Yet, many times I felt that it was imbalanced in her favor.  She would take advantage of situations and I thought it would be ok to let her feel that she was ahead of the count some to ease her anxieties.  Only now, 10 years later, is it striking me that perhaps she needed to feel apart or better off than me or perhaps it is all about control because she doesn’t feel she has any.

[joeramabeme]

I am wondering what opinions or experience others have with this question.

I am still in divorce process and am reviewing our past and current ways of being with each other.  It has started to strike me that she really hasn’t ever been able to have a relationship of equality; whether it was blaming me for all the problems or her taking credit for all the good outcomes.  Said another way, she always was very much in control. 

One of our most contentious and ongoing issues was her saying everything had to be 50-50.  I thought this was so weird and could only think that she must perceive something in me that felt like I was not carrying my share of the load.  I would not want that to happen so kept on trying to be 50-50.  Yet, many times I felt that it was imbalanced in her favor.  She would take advantage of situations and I thought it would be ok to let her feel that she was ahead of the count some to ease her anxieties.  Only now, 10 years later, is it striking me that perhaps she needed to feel apart or better off than me or perhaps it is all about control because she doesn’t feel she has any.

[Heldfast]

Mine does, but I think she has comorbidity with Narcissism and it sounds like yours does as well. Let me tell you how much fun that was for me, and for the friends she hurt.

[problemsolver]

my exBPD would often say " im gonna be big ... not gonna be like so and so who just lives here in this small town for the rest of the lives blah blah blah" ... .then I'd ask " well what are you gonna do like what's your plans or goals?" ... .she would be like " I don't know what I'm gonna do yet but im gonna be big!" ... .I'm just like whatever... .kind of confident but overly narcissistic in my opinion... but I do believe her to be fair she does have wealthy family ... with good connections ... who are well off and will put her on the right path to make some $$$ and be successful when she's ready.