It's over, but I still have to deal with some minor crap

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm officially divorced, but I have a few minor issues to deal with.

She wants to drop "Addams" as her last name.  When we did the divorce paperwork, she insisted she'd be Mrs. Gomez Addams forever, just as God intended, even if I didn't want her anymore.

But over the past few years she never changed her name on her driver's license or with Social Security.  And she's having a wee bit of trouble opening a bank account.  She contacted my L (she never retained one), who let me know for $300-ish she could file the papers to amend the decree, or I could tell her to pound sand.

I told the L to make it happen and send me the bill.  Not on my original "to-do" list, and it won't win me any points with the ex, but I don't feel compelled.  It's a favor.  There's a day coming in October-ish when I will be permanently NC, as I will have zero obligation to her in any way, shape, or form.  For now, there's a few documents that need to be filed to get her the settlement, and two more alimony checks to write, and an e-mail letting her know she needs to get her own car insurance.

She saved me $400 or so by switching the phone into her name rather quickly.  I save money on the bill starting this month, and I didn't have to do the early termination fee.  So it ends up a wash.

The one bit of crap I'd prefer to not deal with is the texts and e-mails every other day begging, demanding, pleading, and attempting to trick me into admitting an affair I didn't have.  She even discovered (somehow) the morals clause for the organization I work for, and promised not to tell them.  Like I trust her... . when every intimate detail of my personal life -- every admitted fear or failing or weakness or character defect has been used as a club to beat me with.

Of course, I am not going to admit anything -- especially something that I am not guilty of -- to the uBPDx.  If she accused me of sleeping in on Saturdays, I'd simply refuse to discuss it.  When the time comes (Sept or Oct) I will change my number, and over the following month I'll block her e-mail address and start the slow (years and years) migration to a new e-mail address.  I've had this address for roughly 12 years, so it'll be something I'll have to check occasionally for a long, long time.  In fact, there are so many things archived and saved, that I just don't think I could ever fully leave it behind. 

At least with blocking her, I wouldn't see the emails.  And will have a chance to heal.

I will be moving to a new state at some point.  My organization will send me to the home office to train my replacement or oversee some project the last year or two (providing they do renew me for a few years), and at some point, some day, I'll be out of reach and out of touch.

So far it's been a decent week, though.

Gomez

[gomez_addams]

I'm officially divorced, but I have a few minor issues to deal with.

She wants to drop "Addams" as her last name.  When we did the divorce paperwork, she insisted she'd be Mrs. Gomez Addams forever, just as God intended, even if I didn't want her anymore.

But over the past few years she never changed her name on her driver's license or with Social Security.  And she's having a wee bit of trouble opening a bank account.  She contacted my L (she never retained one), who let me know for $300-ish she could file the papers to amend the decree, or I could tell her to pound sand.

I told the L to make it happen and send me the bill.  Not on my original "to-do" list, and it won't win me any points with the ex, but I don't feel compelled.  It's a favor.  There's a day coming in October-ish when I will be permanently NC, as I will have zero obligation to her in any way, shape, or form.  For now, there's a few documents that need to be filed to get her the settlement, and two more alimony checks to write, and an e-mail letting her know she needs to get her own car insurance.

She saved me $400 or so by switching the phone into her name rather quickly.  I save money on the bill starting this month, and I didn't have to do the early termination fee.  So it ends up a wash.

The one bit of crap I'd prefer to not deal with is the texts and e-mails every other day begging, demanding, pleading, and attempting to trick me into admitting an affair I didn't have.  She even discovered (somehow) the morals clause for the organization I work for, and promised not to tell them.  Like I trust her... . when every intimate detail of my personal life -- every admitted fear or failing or weakness or character defect has been used as a club to beat me with.

Of course, I am not going to admit anything -- especially something that I am not guilty of -- to the uBPDx.  If she accused me of sleeping in on Saturdays, I'd simply refuse to discuss it.  When the time comes (Sept or Oct) I will change my number, and over the following month I'll block her e-mail address and start the slow (years and years) migration to a new e-mail address.  I've had this address for roughly 12 years, so it'll be something I'll have to check occasionally for a long, long time.  In fact, there are so many things archived and saved, that I just don't think I could ever fully leave it behind. 

At least with blocking her, I wouldn't see the emails.  And will have a chance to heal.

I will be moving to a new state at some point.  My organization will send me to the home office to train my replacement or oversee some project the last year or two (providing they do renew me for a few years), and at some point, some day, I'll be out of reach and out of touch.

So far it's been a decent week, though.

Gomez

[Sunfl0wer]

I do not understand what she is wanting amended?

Is she wanting your L to change her back to her maiden name?

Is this possible?

(I thought it was done through social security)

[gomez_addams]

In the decree in this state it lists the ex-wife's legal name after the divorce. She wanted to keep the married name.

So the settlement in the decree is for "Addams" and not her maiden name.

She never changed her name on the drivers license or SS. So her new bank account is under her maiden name.

It's not my problem. I'm not overly worried about it. She'll have the rest of her life to figure it out.

Gomez