Should I report my 29year old Ex that had sex with a 16 year old minor? ~

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all,

I want to ask your opinion on doing the right thing and how to go about it ... .

My ex is a 29 year old private tutor in New York and works with minors. Both girls and boys.

He used to make many inappropriate comments about his female students like "This student is hot "  or "This student has a crush on me " or the worst one "I'm so horny during my sessions" but I never thought anything of it until... .

He actually had sex with a 16 year old and was so proud of it that he actually posted many pictures of him making out with the 16 year old. He also admitted to having sex with her "a couple of times"

This minor lives in Central America and he believes he is safe considering he lives in the states but under the

18 U.S. Code § 2423 - Transportation of minors Law :

"(c) Engaging in Illicit Sexual Conduct in Foreign Places.— Any United States citizen or alien admitted for permanent residence who travels in foreign commerce or resides, either temporarily or permanently, in a foreign country, and engages in any illicit sexual conduct with another person shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 30 years, or both "


Which he can easily go to jail and lose his job and be prisoned for a long time. I have a lot of proof as well besides the fact that he admitted it as well.

He has completely ruined my life considering he was very physically abusive, an alcoholic and a liar. He caused me to lose my job but that is not my concern at this point. I am truly concerned with the safety of the minors that he works with.

I need advice ... .

Thanks

[SSinNYC]

Hi all,

I want to ask your opinion on doing the right thing and how to go about it ... .

My ex is a 29 year old private tutor in New York and works with minors. Both girls and boys.

He used to make many inappropriate comments about his female students like "This student is hot "  or "This student has a crush on me " or the worst one "I'm so horny during my sessions" but I never thought anything of it until... .

He actually had sex with a 16 year old and was so proud of it that he actually posted many pictures of him making out with the 16 year old. He also admitted to having sex with her "a couple of times"

This minor lives in Central America and he believes he is safe considering he lives in the states but under the

18 U.S. Code § 2423 - Transportation of minors Law :

"(c) Engaging in Illicit Sexual Conduct in Foreign Places.— Any United States citizen or alien admitted for permanent residence who travels in foreign commerce or resides, either temporarily or permanently, in a foreign country, and engages in any illicit sexual conduct with another person shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 30 years, or both "


Which he can easily go to jail and lose his job and be prisoned for a long time. I have a lot of proof as well besides the fact that he admitted it as well.

He has completely ruined my life considering he was very physically abusive, an alcoholic and a liar. He caused me to lose my job but that is not my concern at this point. I am truly concerned with the safety of the minors that he works with.

I need advice ... .

Thanks

[rotiroti]

I would check the age of consent in the country this was committed as any law is upheld by jurisdiction. The age of consent is usually lower in places outside of the United States of America. Many places in Central America being around age 14 or so.


www.chartsbin.com/view/hxj

[SSinNYC]

The age of consent in that country is actually 18.

With further research it seems that based on the Protect Law no matter what the age of consent in that country is considering the age of consent in the US is 18 it is illegal for a Citizen to engage in sexual act with a minor no matter what country. This actually requires mandatory reporting considering it is Child Abuse. Besides the punishment he will receive he most likely would be registered as a sex offender as well.

Considering I know about it , he himself made it public , he admitted it to me and it requires mandatory reporting and I don't want to be in trouble so I will def report.

[rotiroti]

The age of consent in that country is actually 18.

With further research it seems that based on the Protect Law no matter what the age of consent in that country is considering the age of consent in the US is 18 it is illegal for a Citizen to engage in sexual act with a minor no matter what country. This actually requires mandatory reporting considering it is Child Abuse. Besides the punishment he will receive he most likely would be registered as a sex offender as well.

Considering I know about it , he himself made it public , he admitted it to me and it requires mandatory reporting and I don't want to be in trouble so I will def report.

i would:

document

report



because BPD or not, if you're breaking the law and jeopardizing another person (A minor in this case), that's messed up. Not to mention he sounds like he was bragging out it?

[SSinNYC]

Yes it's all very sad. He obviously suffers from severe mental illness that he is proud to have sex with a minor.

He was bragging and actually posted pictures of him holding her stating " what happiness looks like "  which was a laughing stock to everyone but he is clueless due to his mental status. Mind you this was all about 2 weeks after he physically abused,hit me,pulled my hair , chocked me and tortured me for hours and hours gave me a black eye and hurt me severely which he still denies to everyone until this day.

It's so sad how mental illness can hurt so many lives but what I have learned is NO ONE can save you besides yourself from a monster. I am so happy and BLESSED everyday the NIGHTMARE is over and that the only people around him are his naive family that think he can do no wrong and some alcoholic fake friends like himself.

It's sad cause many of his students lives can be harmed by him and their parents are not even aware but no longer.

Thank you for you help!

[SSinNYC]

Correction : It's called The "PROTECT ACT"  def a crime

www.travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/emergencies/arrest/criminalpenalties.html

[oletimefeelin]

He used to make many inappropriate comments about his female students like "This student is hot "  or "This student has a crush on me " or the worst one "I'm so horny during my sessions" but I never thought anything of it until... .

Thanks

Whether you decide to alert the authorities or not is up to you.  This guy is quite the scumbag.  The work for you is in the not thinking anything of those comments at the time.  Focus your energy there.     

[iluminati]

I'd report what you have to the proper authorities and move on.  I wouldn't focus my energies on what he might be saying about this girl online.

[Turkish]

A VP from a company I used to work for engaged in sexual activity with a 14yo girl in Vietnam. Somehow, the US authorities found out. He was arrested and sent to prison. The guy had a JD and a PhD, and was a millionaire. That life ended.

Make sure you are protected and safe from possible reprisal if you report this.

[nowwhatz]

I would report.

I'm tired of pwBPD who excuse their bad and sometimes criminal behavior by saying oh I have a mental illlness etc.

[Skip]

He has completely ruined my life considering he was very physically abusive, an alcoholic and a liar. He caused me to lose my job but that is not my concern at this point. I am truly concerned with the safety of the minors that he works with.

I need advice ... .

Thanks

Welcome to bpdfamily

I'm not sure we are the best advisors on whether you have grounds to report him or how to report a suspected sexual crime in a foreign country. You may want to call Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention division of the Department of Justice for direction.

I would not contact his employer without getting legal advice. You don't want to run afoul of libel or slander laws and have him sue you for lost wages.

Be responsible. Be safe.

Can you tell us more about you and your experience in this relationship.  You said he was very physically abusive, an alcoholic and a liar, and caused me to lose your job.

What happened?

[hurting300]

The consent ages are different if it's in the United states. For example in Georgia the consent age is 16.

[SSinNYC]

What I have a hard time understanding is how some people can do so much wrong without believing that there are any consequences to their actions.

The abuse with him started small and then escalated to violence and lots of abuse. Every time I tried to leave he begged for forgiveness and promised "It would never happen again" ALL A LIE. The abuse only got worse and worse and more and more.THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE. There is NOTHING in this world I could have done to deserve to be physically tortured for hours and hours. His mental illness and alcoholism does not give him a pass to abuse.

He completely DESTROYED me and has completely paralyzed my life. There is not a day that goes by that I don't have a flashback of his punches to my head and my body. What's most interesting is that he acts like he is the victim and puts on a show for everyone that he is such a "nice guy". It's all so sad but the truth won't stay hidden for too long.

I am just so so thankful that he has FINALLY left me alone. It's just so sad that his next victims are minors.

Thank you everyone for all the advice.

[rotiroti]

I agree with physical abuse being unforgivable, BPD or not

[blissful_camper]

Hi Cw,

You express feeling destroyed, paralyzed, and having flashbacks.  What do you feel you need at this time that would help you process the harmful events that you experienced?  Abuse is traumatic; We are open to hearing anything you wish to share with us.  Are you seeking support locally in your area? 

[ForeverDad]

There is also the age discrepancy issue.  If the girl was 16 and he were 19, a 3 year difference, the officials would not be nearly as concerned as if the age difference were greater, such as 13 years between 16 and 29, that ought to be a higher level of concerning behavior.

Also, depending on her birth date and how long ago this occurred, could she be16 when commented on but 15 when he had the encounter?

However, his job is to work with minors, teenagers evidently.  Would the local authorities and his employers look only at his behavior with his students and ignore behaviors elsewhere?  This ought to be concerning to responsible parties but who they are and how actionable they will view it, I don't know.  However, documentation is crucial.

And has been noted here, protect yourself legally, you don't want to be seen as the vengeful ex, be very careful in case of pushback or counterattacks.

[HopefulDad]

Report him, even if you didn't have the horrific history with him.

#### sexual predators.