Trauma Coach Reported me to CPS

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Here is the backstory about my experiences with a trauma coach: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=278957.0;all

I was visited today by a CPS caseworker. The allegations were that I was neglecting my kids by leaving them with my sex addict husband.

Still reeling. . .

[vortex of confusion]

Here is the backstory about my experiences with a trauma coach: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=278957.0;all

I was visited today by a CPS caseworker. The allegations were that I was neglecting my kids by leaving them with my sex addict husband.

Still reeling. . .

[ForeverDad]

Yes, this would certainly be shocking.  It was to me too.  I separated in 2005 (with a police visits and a few days later my now-ex was arrested for Threat of DV) and she tried to make me look worse than her and the only way to do that was to make child abuse allegations, minor at first, then increasingly extreme.  Over the years I've been reported to my CPS

Let me lighten the mood for a moment... .  This was a few years ago.  I called my county's CPS for some reason, offhand I can't remember which incident this was.  Well, I described the issue and the lady asked, "Ex lives in this county?"  I replied, "No, she lives one county over in HerTown."  "She said, "Well, then you have to call that county's offices."  I asked, "Why?"  She said, "You have to call the office in the residential parent's county."  I stopped her objections when I replied, "But I AM the Residential Parent (and legal guardian since 2011)."  I face that over and over, the presumption that mother is always in charge.   Don't get me started about the child support agency.  When I was legal guardian and paying CS to Ex due to income disparity, the staff insisted the payor is ALWAYS listed as the non-primary parent, a software limitation.

Back to seriousness... .

I feel like she was trying to push to make a case that I was endangering my children.

In my state, a mandatory reporter has to report anything that might mean a child is danger. Being exposed to sexually explicit materials is considered child endangerment. I did say that he ignores the kids. He ignores me too. Ignoring isn't the same as neglecting. If they are fighting, he says something. If they need food, he helps them. He doesn't let them go outside unless he goes with them.

I want to emphasize MIGHT.  It's entirely possible this coach and the CPS staff are covering their butts "just in case".  They probably would rather have ten false alarms than one real fire.

Again, I wouldn't have thought anything of it if she hadn't insisted on asking such questions. She was trying to get me to admit something.

At one point, she said, "you know what you need to do." In the context of the conversation, the implication was that I need to leave him and get my kids away from him as fast as I can. 

The coach apparently doesn't think you realize the seriousness of the entire spectrum of issues, that you're still immersed in the middle and not stepping outside to look in objectively, that it could very well be worse than you think.  For example, you may be 100% convinced that father would never do anything to the children, but later on you could find out that it isn't so.  Or you may think he's not watching anything when the kids are around but when you're gone maybe he really is.

Also, since you've been dealing with this issue for years, evidently with limited improvement, the coach may have seen the solution as "Exit ASAP" since a full recovery to a normal relationship was looking unlikely.

I can't say which way it will go, I know too little of the details, but (1) you do need to take the whole scenario seriously and (2) it may not turn out to be as bad as you imagine.  And (3) you and the children are The Priority.  Sadly, fixing a dysfunctional marriage that may not be fixable has to take a backseat to your welfare and the children's welfare.

[vortex of confusion]

Thanks Forever Dad!

The situation in our marriage HAS improved dramatically. I even told her that. She countered everything that I said with something that implied that I am clueless and in denial. It was like she knew more about my situation than me.

The caseworker seemed to indicate that he would need to verify a few things and would then be able to close the case. I explained the situation to him. I told him that we were having marital problems and that I did say some ugly things about my husband in the context of venting.

I have called my state's office and there is no legal recourse against her because life coaches are not licensed by the state. I have a few other calls in to another place to see if there is any recourse. The coach made up her mind that I am in a bad situation and when I would try to counter her she would tell me that I am in denial.

I am protecting my kids and I am protecting myself. When the caseworker showed up, I called my husband immediately and he came home. The caseworker did an interview with my husband. My husband was NOT defensive. He answered all of his questions. Told him about his 12 step program and his therapist. We were both very cooperative.

The allegations were against ME for neglecting my children. I am still very much shocked.

[livednlearned]

Hi VOC,

What a blindside! How are you holding up right now? Do you feel comfortable talking about how you learned of the report, and what happens next? I imagine you feel very ambushed by the trauma coach and alarmed that she took things this far.

You're coming to us from the Staying board -- if I remember correctly, formflier had a CPS investigation. He may have some insight into how the process worked where he lives, although I believe it is slightly different depending on where you live.

My ex made repeated threats that he was going to call CPS on me, and because I don't like surprises, I googled the CPS training manual in my state to see exactly what might happen. It made me feel prepared so that if someone showed up at my door, I could focus on what was happening and not have my brain spinning about possible worse-case scenarios. If you want to understand how things work in your state, maybe there is a similar manual online?

I agree with FD about taking it seriously, while also staying centered that it might just be puff of smoke while they do due diligence to investigate. We have a lot of members here who go through custody evaluations or work with third-party professionals who have a lot of power in determining outcomes. It's a very bad feeling to have an incompetent person making big decisions about the most intimate aspects of your life.   So it's good to gather information like you're doing.

One thing I would be wary of -- in case you're tempted to throw the life coach under the bus -- is to stay neutral with the CPS investigator about the coach's training. Or be careful about how you phrase your concerns, "I am a big believer in mandatory reporting and completely behind it, and if there was anything unsafe in my home, I would be the first to act. Do people have to have any training in order to report this?"

Or something along those lines, to raise questions about the coach without making it seem like you have anything to hide.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Not least of all because this is a serious blow to your trust  :'(

[sweetheart]

Hi VOC,

I was going to post on your original thread as you have been on my mind. I live in the UK, so I am talking from that frame of reference.

Take this seriously, because here in the UK child welfare is assessed on potential risk as well as actual risk. So because your h is a sex addict and this info is now in the public domain, when the children are in his care it is about the potential risk of exposure to pornographic materials, as well as actual risk. It will not be enough to say that they have never been exposed to anything, here in the UK they would want to know what you are doing to ensure your childrens are being protected against possible exposure.

Again if a child is or has been indirectly exposed to sustained parental conflict, this could be an issue as well. They might interview your children.

Is your husband a registered sex addict, is he actively engaged in treatment at the moment ? This could also be important in relation to transparency about seeking help and support should the CPS want to pursue this.

The other thing I would say from my own personal experience is only answer what they ask you, don't be overly expansive in your answers. Don't say anymore than you need to, let them do all the work. For me it was not because I had anything to hide, but if the information is not already in the public domain keep it that way.

How indepth were the sessions you had with your coach because that information will now potentially be with CPS? It might be useful to try and recall what you said so that you are well prepared.

Also like ForeverDad said, remember initially this is just protocol, your coach was following Child Protection guidelines, they may just need to check in and see if all is as it should be and then leave.

[MaybeSo]

I can't believe this 'coach' filed a report w/out having you sign a consent for treatment.

Unbelievable.

I am in CA.  In my neck of the woods, this wouldn't go anywhere unless they find evidence to support danger or harm to the kids.  I'm surprised they came to interview, but it sounds like you and H handled it well.   The case will likely get closed.

I've called CPS reporting a 9 year old living with a parent actively using methamphetamine, daily. They wouldn't take a report on that!

How dare the "coach" have you working with her, sharing information,  and then does this w/out giving you prior written informed consent to treat.  I guess "coaches" don't have to do that kind of thing?  If she really is a mandated reported... .it seems she needs to let people know the risks of working with her, in writing, and she needs to do that before they engage in 'treatment' with her.  I still think you could go after her for not providing informed consent, maybe in a civil suit for damages if not with a regulatory board.

By the way... .professionals not only provide informed consent BEFORE you start treatment... .they also try whenever possible to TELL someone when they do need to report and why... .they keep working WITH the client, even making the call to CPS together... .so as to not completely ruin all trust, and to keep the client in the loop about what is going on and why.  When it's done this way, often the coach or therapist calls with the client present to CPS and discusses their concerns with the client present... .and everyone talks on the phone. B/C there is cooperation with the client, CPS usually doesn't even open a case.  And the coach/therapist has a chance of maintaining the relationship with the client, providing education around why the call was made at all, and at the very least NOT blowing this person's trust out of the water.  The only times you wouldn't do that... .is in very grave cases whereby informing the client about your intent to call CPS would put either the kids or the therapist in even more danger. 

I really dislike this coach very much. 

GRRRRRRR!

[vortex of confusion]

I am familiar with the procedures. I looked them up after I got off the phone with her last week because she had my spidey senses tingling pretty hard.

The caseworker said he couldn't tell me who reported me. I told the caseworker that based on the allegations that I knew exactly who reported. He wanted to come in the house. I told him no. If he wanted to do that, he would have to schedule and appointment.

I let him interview whichever kids would talk to him. Only the oldest would talk to him without me present. I set him up in the yard with some chairs.

I told him that I was a bit floored by all of this. I admitted that I vented about my husband to her and that I got to a point where she would not listen to anything I said when I tried to refute things. I told him that we were having marital problems and that we were trying to protect the kids from all of it. The kids don't know the extent of what is going on between us.

The oldest said that she sees us argue but that we always resolve it.

When I started talking to him, he seemed skeptical. By the time he left, he said that he had to verify a few things and that the case would likely be closed. Even he said that the report seemed odd to him.

My husband did a one on one interview with him as well. He told the caseworker the nature of his addiction porn and e-mailing other ladies while at work. He also told the caseworker where he is at in his recovery and told him about HIS therapist.

I was very careful about the information that I shared. Most of what I said was just how floored I was because I talked to her because I wanted a safe place to vent. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and we have issues.

[Grey Kitty]

My one caution here is to avoid badmouthing the coach with CPS as much as possible.

1. Blaming the messenger hurts your credibility. (JADEing pretty much always works against you)

2. You and your H are being investigated by CPS, not the coach. In fact, CPS has no jurisdiction over the coach at all. So convincing them how irresponsible the coach is does you zero good.

3. Respect the job that CPS is doing. They have to investigate. And they are trying to stop child abusers, which you completely support. Hopefully they will behave as responsible professionals in this matter (unlike the coach!)

(I have some thoughts about the coach, but I'm going to hold them until you say the case is closed... .)

[vortex of confusion]

I tried not to badmouth the coach.

1. I presented as more confused than anything else. Some of the allegations were a direct result of what was said. I was trying to make sense of how what I said could be taken as abuse. I said that the coach didn't really have a context. I simply gave the caseworker the context. For example, it was brought up that my husband yells at the kids. The case worker wanted to know the context that it happens. The context is that the kids aren't listening or are fighting. And, I am going to complain about my husband yelling because my approach to discipline and parenting is gentle. That means that I don't spank and I don't typically yell. If my kids do something wrong, I talk to them about it.

2. I didn't say that the coach was irresponsible. I said that I didn't feel like she had enough information and that I didn't have enough sessions with her. Again, I was more confused and taken aback than anything. There were a few times that the case worker tried to assure ME and he implied that there wasn't much merit. When I told him how many times I talked to her, he seemed surprised. By law, he can't tell me who made the complaint. He can only tell me the allegations.

3. My husband and I were nothing but respectful to the case worker. When I was trying to get the kids to talk to him, I explained, in front of the worker, that he was here to protect them and make sure that they were safe. He was here to do a job. My oldest daughter is the only one that agreed to speak to him and do an interview. She was very respectful and said "yes sir" and "no sir" and was very articulate.

I told him at one point that I was upset and HE said, "I bet you are feeling a bit attacked." I said, "Yes, I do. I understand that you are trying to do your job and protect kids. I feel attacked because I was seeking help for marital problems and was venting about my husband. I have tried really hard to protect my kids. I don't understand how leaving them with their dad is neglecting them." I wasn't questioning the worker or being defensive at all.

When talking to my oldest daughter about the events of the day, she said, "Mom, it will be okay. I think he is on our side." 

[vortex of confusion]

I wanted to comment about the question as to whether or not my husband is a registered sex addict.

No, he is not registered as anything. He self identifies as a sex addict because he had a problem with porn back in 2003. He went for 10 years without doing anything that was even remotely questionable. His latest slip ups involved e-mailing adult women and having racy conversations with them. I think he actually met up with ONE of them back in 2013. He sought the help of a 12 step program on his own. He is seeing a therapist as well. There has never been any legal involvement in any of his antics. The kids have no idea about any of this stuff.

Nothing that my husband has done is illegal. It might be questionable but it is far from illegal and in no way endangered our children because he didn't do any of this stuff at home.

[Panda39]

Wow this whole thing is so outragous!  It sounds to me like you and your husband handled things well. God bless your daughter what an awsome kid    I don't have any advice but wanted to give you my support too.   

I tried not to badmouth the coach.

1. I presented as more confused than anything else. Some of the allegations were a direct result of what was said. I was trying to make sense of how what I said could be taken as abuse. I said that the coach didn't really have a context. I simply gave the caseworker the context. For example, it was brought up that my husband yells at the kids. The case worker wanted to know the context that it happens. The context is that the kids aren't listening or are fighting. And, I am going to complain about my husband yelling because my approach to discipline and parenting is gentle. That means that I don't spank and I don't typically yell. If my kids do something wrong, I talk to them about it.

2. I didn't say that the coach was irresponsible. I said that I didn't feel like she had enough information and that I didn't have enough sessions with her. Again, I was more confused and taken aback than anything. There were a few times that the case worker tried to assure ME and he implied that there wasn't much merit. When I told him how many times I talked to her, he seemed surprised. By law, he can't tell me who made the complaint. He can only tell me the allegations.

3. My husband and I were nothing but respectful to the case worker. When I was trying to get the kids to talk to him, I explained, in front of the worker, that he was here to protect them and make sure that they were safe. He was here to do a job. My oldest daughter is the only one that agreed to speak to him and do an interview. She was very respectful and said "yes sir" and "no sir" and was very articulate.

I told him at one point that I was upset and HE said, "I bet you are feeling a bit attacked." I said, "Yes, I do. I understand that you are trying to do your job and protect kids. I feel attacked because I was seeking help for marital problems and was venting about my husband. I have tried really hard to protect my kids. I don't understand how leaving them with their dad is neglecting them." I wasn't questioning the worker or being defensive at all.

When talking to my oldest daughter about the events of the day, she said, "Mom, it will be okay. I think he is on our side." 

[sweetheart]

I wanted to comment about the question as to whether or not my husband is a registered sex addict.

No, he is not registered as anything. He self identifies as a sex addict because he had a problem with porn back in 2003. He went for 10 years without doing anything that was even remotely questionable. His latest slip ups involved e-mailing adult women and having racy conversations with them. I think he actually met up with ONE of them back in 2013. He sought the help of a 12 step program on his own. He is seeing a therapist as well. There has never been any legal involvement in any of his antics. The kids have no idea about any of this stuff.

Nothing that my husband has done is illegal. It might be questionable but it is far from illegal and in no way endangered our children because he didn't do any of this stuff at home.

Thanks for clarifying this VOC. I wondered if he had been officially diagnosed or was registered with an Addictions Clinic, because I thought this would help strengthen your overall support with CPS, if he had a P or a T.

[Waddams]

Sounds like you handled the situation as well as you could.

I've become a big fan of thinking that being happy in life is an exercise in letting go.  This situation happened, but it's dealt with and very likely nothing will come of it.  It's a pain, but all is well and you can move on as if it never happened. 

My only reaction would be to fire the life coach.  And post a nice detailed review on Yelp and/or other online resources.  The life coach isn't coaching.  They're bullying you.  People that pull this crap, regardless of what they do for a living, usually have a whole host of issues themselves.  You'd be fully justified in never seeing this person again.

[vortex of confusion]

I am reviving this thread. I got a call today and the CPS caseworker scheduled a home visit.

I am scared out of my mind because I have read and heard so many horror stories about CPS.

Can anybody tell me what to expect?

I have read conflicting reports. Some people recommend not allowing them in your house without a warrant or some kind of probably cause. I am not sure what to think or feel about all of this.

Can somebody give me some reassurance or guidance on how to keep my head about me?

[Sunfl0wer]

Why?

I thought this was already done?

[vortex of confusion]

Why?

I thought this was already done?

I have no idea. They called and scheduled a home visit for next week. They came to my house on June 30th and I am just now hearing from them again. I don't know what is up and I am scared. I am contemplating canceling the home visit and telling them to get a warrant if they want to come in my house. I know that might not be a good idea but that is my first inclination since it has been so long.

I read on their website that they have 30 days to investigate. I am guessing that it is business days, which would be the equivalent of 6 weeks.

The longer things went, the more I was pretty sure that I was just going to get a letter. I had been looking for a letter in the mail saying the case was closed. Instead, I got a call today.

[Sunfl0wer]

It was my understanding that they make a house visit, question all people named in the original complaint, then review, close case.

Did you ask why you are getting a visit when one was already made?

Typically visit is a surprise visit, an initial visit and that is it  ... .I don't understand this.

Edit:  Wait, I also think each individual "branch" does their own procedure tho.

[vortex of confusion]

It was my understanding that they make a house visit, question all people named in the original complaint, then review, close case.

Did you ask why you are getting a visit when one was already made?

Typically the first visit is a surprise visit... .I don't understand this.

I wouldn't let them in my house on the first visit. I told them that if they wanted to see the inside of my house, they would have to make an appointment. All dealings were done outside in the yard.

[Sunfl0wer]

It was my understanding that they make a house visit, question all people named in the original complaint, then review, close case.

Did you ask why you are getting a visit when one was already made?

Typically the first visit is a surprise visit... .I don't understand this.

I wouldn't let them in my house on the first visit. I told them that if they wanted to see the inside of my house, they would have to make an appointment. All dealings were done outside in the yard.

Lol!  Sorry... this is not a funny matter at all dear... .but it sounds like they are making an appointment... because you told them to.

Sounds like they have a checklist of "To Do" items to check off to get the case closed.

I think you can actually call them and ask then why they need to do the visit, that you anticipated that they were reviewing with info they already had... Can someone please help you understand the procedure better and just where your case fits in that process.

I understand your anxiety tho... .completely understandable!  

Just ask tho... .l think that it will be ok if you do.

[Suzn]

If I were in your shoes I would have an attorney present during the visit and pay him whatever he asks to be present atso that CPS doesn't trip you up in any way whatsoever.

[vortex of confusion]

If I were in your shoes I would have an attorney present during the visit and pay him whatever he asks to be present atso that CPS doesn't trip you up in any way whatsoever.

I don't know how I can get an attorney on such short notice. Hmmm. . .will need to think about this.

[ambivalentmom]

Hey Vortex,

Maybe a 15min teleconference with lawyer for additional recommendations/what to expect.  So in the US (N. Carolina) they looked around my house and took pictures of things that might be attributed to the complaint (don't be freaked out if they do).  Just imagine the Case Worker thinking to himself, "well... .  ... .maybe this is what the complaint is about?  I guess I'll take a picture for my coworkers to help me figure out what the problem is?"  I say this because they may take more pictures than needed.  I talked to CPS more than I should have when they visited me (I talk more when I'm nervous, oop!), but my overall mood was concern, slightly freaked out, and cooperation as much as possible.  They may put a little pressure on to see your reaction/if you say more.  They told me that if they ever did find anything, they would have to remove the child from the home (What the heck? I think they may have pressured the wrong parent).  Just remember that you want to do what's best for your kids in every aspect of their lives and are open to these professionals to provide additional insight to what you already have researched and done for the kids. You are doing great!   


I did want to comment on sweethearts post

here in the UK child welfare is assessed on potential risk as well as actual risk.

and

here in the UK they would want to know what you are doing to ensure your childrens are being protected against possible exposure

This might be a little tough because, as parents, it's hard to know how much extra measure we need to take for our child's safety/security/preventive measures (and why the baby safety companies make a buttload through our fear).  Maybe as a precaution, have separate accounts/phones that the kids can't access.  There are many parents that have all kinds of adult things they hide from kids, and (if CPS asks only) you have precautionary measures in place so your kids don't come across them.  That's for the kids.

For your hubby, I think maybe there is some confusion with CPS because the term "sexual addiction" is being used.  Many times an addict cannot function a normal life, hold down a job, stop their addiction when they are alone with their kids.  Not trying to downplay the situation and I'm sorry if that came off wrong, but CPS might think of the term as having no control and that's why they have to ask those specific questions.  Maybe just saying to CPS "I might not be using the term addict correctly because he has control" will allieviate a lot of pressure.

Always remember that you are loving, caring parents that would do anything to protect your children and raise them in a healthy, happy, loving enviroment.  Let us know how it goes.

P.S. My report came back as nothing found.  They take pictures and write a report/maybe even discuss it with peers to prove there is no reason to follow-up too.

[vortex of confusion]

For your hubby, I think maybe there is some confusion with CPS because the term "sexual addiction" is being used.  Many times an addict cannot function a normal life, hold down a job, stop their addiction when they are alone with their kids.  Not trying to downplay the situation and I'm sorry if that came off wrong, but CPS might think of the term as having no control and that's why they have to ask those specific questions.  Maybe just saying to CPS "I might not be using the term addict correctly because he has control" will allieviate a lot of pressure.

When the caseworker sent me an e-mail with "The allegations are neglectful supervision for leaving them with their father who has anger issues and sex addiction," it made me sick at my stomach. When it is framed like that, it does sound dangerous and neglectful of me. From 2003 to 2013, my husband didn't do anything even remotely out of line in the sexual department. In 2013, we both e-mailed other people and did some stuff that isn't the kind of stuff to help a marriage thrive. I never understood why it was considered sex addiction. I felt more like it was a typical unhappy marriage situation where the people were involved in the whole push/pull back and forth bad behavior. It never truly felt like SA to me. My husband insists that is what it is so I went with it and looked for a coach or counselor to help me deal with it thinking that maybe she would be able to provide some insight into my confusion. I was mad and I vented and I didn't trust my own reality. As the spouse of a sex addict, I am supposed to be feeling this and that and the other. I am supposed to have experienced some kind of big trauma and insist that he get tested for STDs and take a lie detector test and all of that.

I have never felt the need to do any of that stuff because I can tell when my husband is lying. I can tell when he is up to no good. He probably couldn't hide a needle in a haystack from me. So, when the coach started throwing these things out at me and getting upset because I am not doing more to make sure that my husband isn't being some kind of sicko pervert, she told me that I am in deep denial. She was trying to assign her reality to my situation. When I rejected it, she decided to report me because I am endangering my kids because I am in denial. No, I am not in denial. I know my husband. I have told every friend I know about this and have asked their opinion. Every last one of them have said that my husband has never behaved in ways that would make them question the kids safety. When I talked to my dad one time, he told me that the kids need to be left with their dad more, not less. Everybody I know has told me that the kids need MORE time with dad so that they can get to know each other and build their relationship. That is what I have been trying to do and now I am being told that it is neglectful supervision.

I also have a related question for anybody reading. . .

Since my husband is also the kids parent, what right do I have to tell him that he can't spend time with his kids without me present? It seems to me that the only way I could do that is to get some kind of court order. If I refused to let him spend time with the kids, wouldn't that be considered parental alienation?

I have looked up divorce cases involving SA issues. I have never seen a parent get denied some kind of custody over SA issues. If that were to happen, then he would be alone with the kids and I would have NO oversight without getting the courts involved. By giving him limited time with the kids, it lets me have a lot of control and input about what goes on when I am not around. For example, when I am at work, my husband and I e-mail back and forth the whole time unless he is cooking or cleaning. He gives me continual updates about what is going on. The kids also have multiple ways of getting in contact with me if needed.

[Sunfl0wer]

VOC... .

I wonder if the craziness of the allegations and trying to make sense of them is parrallel to trying to make sense of a pwBPD when they are filled with cognitive distortions and being irrational.

Just because a person considers himself a "sex addict" does not mean he is not in remission... .not recovered.  It does not mean he is inappropriate with his kids... .or anyone's kids for that matter.  It does not by default make him a bad dad or an almost bad dad, or a dad that cannot be alone with his kids.  So then translate that to you... .it does not make you an unfit mom! 

I feel this coach has displayed a cognitive distortion:

Overgeneralization

(Then CPS is just doing their job)

How could this NOT ellicit a person to JADE?

I'm just saying... .I think the process your mind is experiencing and stressed over is a direct result of attempting to process someone elses cognitive distortion.

I cannot wait till this is behind you dear!

[livednlearned]

VOC,

I found false allegations to be among the most emotionally triggering experiences during my years in court. My lawyer gave me excellent advice which is that if something is only 10% true, it is still false. For something to be true in the eyes of court, it has to be 100% true. That's a slightly different logic than how we think in regular life.

It sounds like you asked CPS to make an appointment, and that's what they did. They deal with false allegations all the time. They deal with upset parents all the time. They close more cases than not.

It is not 100% true that 1. your H is a sex addict; 2. his addiction endangers the kids. So the allegation is false.

And yet... .

Those of us who have been gutted by the court system have to walk this very, very thin line where we have to behave as though we are playing on the same team (protect the kids), even when the actions of these third-party professionals feel otherwise.

Believe your version of truth. Don't be defiant. Comply with their requests. Keep your responses short -- the more you say, the bigger the target.

LnL

[Sunfl0wer]

VOC,

I found false allegations to be among the most emotionally triggering experiences during my years in court. My lawyer gave me excellent advice which is that if something is only 10% true, it is still false. For something to be true in the eyes of court, it has to be 100% true. That's a slightly different logic than how we think in regular life.

It sounds like you asked CPS to make an appointment, and that's what they did. They deal with false allegations all the time. They deal with upset parents all the time. They close more cases than not.

It is not 100% true that 1. your H is a sex addict; 2. his addiction endangers the kids. So the allegation is false.

And yet... .

Those of us who have been gutted by the court system have to walk this very, very thin line where we have to behave as though we are playing on the same team (protect the kids), even when the actions of these third-party professionals feel otherwise.

Believe your version of truth. Don't be defiant. Comply with their requests. Keep your responses short -- the more you say, the bigger the target.

LnL

^^^^^^

Well said!