Cycles of Behaviour

[beebo]

Hi, i'm new to all this.

I have been with my bf for about 10 months. At first it was beautiful, exactly what i wanted/needed. I have a very young daughter so it made it much easier to fall for someone who seemed so lovely, but it quickly became very trying.

My daughter's father was coming to visit and i was really stressed, my bf had a melt down because i apparently was 'snappy' about something. Then he just emotionally distanced himself, which i found difficult but was willing to consider that i had indeed been a bit stressed out and snappy- however i felt i had good reason.

Then we went back to fine. Him doting and loving. Then about 6 weeks later he had a friend stay from overseas for 10 days, and he got really stressed about not having any space and said he was having panic attacks etc. I was willing to understand this as i could get pretty stressed when my routine was interrupted also. He kind of withdrew a bit at this point too.

Then all back on. Over at my house all the time (well my mum's house as i was living with her while i built a house). My bf and his son were regulars at our house, my bf wanted us to be a family etc.

I felt he was 'cycling' through behaviours such as: libido drop, routine interruption, trigger, reaction- but had no idea what that meant.

There were a couple of things he said that particularly concerned me:

1) He said that at the beginning of one important relationship in his life he spent a whole night lying beside her in tears because he 'knew it would end'.

2) One night he disclosed that his mother had a child before him that had died from a genetic disorder, and then had a child after him that also died from the same condition.

3) His most recent and long term (6 years) relationship had involved what sounded like a very masculine, unemotional woman who encouraged him to flirt with other women.

I had never heard of BPD until i recently googled 'idolisation and devaluation' as i felt this was happening after he dumped me unexpectedly the exact day i finished building (he wanted to move in with us soon and had been involved in lots of the building decision/work etc).

Now i have read a LOT about BPD in the last week or so. I feel that based on his early life with a mother who had lost two children and then got divorced could qualify him for establishing BPD. However i am not an expert and realise that i have been hurt by his rejection of me and my daughter.

Does anyone have any views/information on my story?

Do BPDs 'cycle' through their behaviours with an almost reliable schedule?

Any tips on getting over this? After he dumped me we got back together but after all my research lately i told him i didn't want to see him again.

Thank you.

[Herodias]

And... .Everything he told you about his mother and his r/s could be lies... .Never heard of a woman wanting her man to flirt with other women. I'd be very cautious here... .

[Lucky Jim]

Hey beebo, Hard to say for sure and we can't diagnose, though some of the behaviors you describe seem consistent w/BPD.  What are your gut feelings?  It seems like you have noticed some red flags  , which are worth paying attention to, regardless whether he suffers from BPD.

LuckyJim