Lying...

[FigureIt]

Do they ever stop lying? My uBPDbf lies constantly. He lies about stuff that doesn't need a lie.

[letmeout]

That is funny because mine did the same thing constantly. He could not tell the truth and his parents said that he was born with a lie in his mouth.

If you said the sky was blue he would argue that it was purple until you gave up trying to convince him. If he was going to the store he would say he was going to the gas station, if he was going to the gas station he would swear he was going to the store.

He simply could not tell he truth to save his life; it was so weird.

[jac8949]

Do they ever stop lying? My uBPDbf lies constantly. He lies about stuff that doesn't need a lie.

I keep on reading about male BPD's

... . 

I thought that they can only be female.  Or at least the vast majority of them... .I guess I was completely wrong. 

Anyways... .The lies will eventually have you question your own sanity... .Like you will start believing aake believe version of life and will struggle with trying to differentiate the true from the false.  It is sad. 

[Lucky Jim]

The odd thing, in my experience, is that a pwBPD actually believes his/her lies are true, despite all evidence to the contrary.  You could say that they are prisoners of their own minds and unable to view things from a different perspective.

LuckyJim

[gah]

LuckyJim... .I think that may be me.  I can tell you it is a really crappy place in my head and I have absolutely no idea how to change it.

[FigureIt]

That is funny because mine did the same thing constantly. He could not tell the truth and his parents said that he was born with a lie in his mouth.

If you said the sky was blue he would argue that it was purple until you gave up trying to convince him. If he was going to the store he would say he was going to the gas station, if he was going to the gas station he would swear he was going to the store.

He simply could not tell he truth to save his life; it was so weird.

And mine has a double standard.  He wants to know where I'm going, what i'm doing but then does not do the same in return. 

[Lucky Jim]

And mine has a double standard.  He wants to know where I'm going, what i'm doing but then does not do the same in return.

Hey FigureIt, You are learning the game.  It's a one-way street, I'm afraid, with a pwBPD.  According to the rules of the BPD game, you have a duty to explain your every movement; but the pwBPD has no such corresponding duty, because the rules are only applicable to Nons!  LJ

[FigureIt]

And mine has a double standard.  He wants to know where I'm going, what i'm doing but then does not do the same in return.

Hey FigureIt, You are learning the game.  It's a one-way street, I'm afraid, with a pwBPD.  According to the rules of the BPD game, you have a duty to explain your every movement; but the pwBPD has no such corresponding duty, because the rules are only applicable to Nons!  LJ

I have figured out the game and it's not worth the rest of my life. I'm trying to be pleasant and nice until I have the financial ability to be done. I've read a lot of posts here and I don't understand how anyone stays in love with a BPD you all deserve so much more.

I so appreciate everyone's advice. I don't wish anything bad on my BF. I know that being in this relationship is not a good model for my D9.

[satahal]

My BPD bf lies about everything under the sun. He literately lies about what he ate for lunch. Nearly every day he insists he ate nothing all day - he's in his late-50s and is carrying the normal 10-15 extra lbs - so the laws of physics are either not in effect in his body or he's lying.

He lies about things that he might get in trouble for - other women, drinking, drugs too.

It's exhausted and I never get used to it - which sounds crazy but you'd think after 8 years the lies would just wash over me. But maybe it's me or maybe it's human nature but I lapse into thinking I'm having a normal conversation with a normal person and it feels good until BAM a lie smacks me in the face and I'm shocked that I got sucked in.

It's as if they are toddlers - like everything he says should be regarded as cute if nonsensical - not a syllable to be taken seriously.

Oddly, I pegged him as a liar the first time I met him - it was just so obvious that he was full of baloney, self-aggrandizing, trying to make himself sound like the kind of person I would like, etc. yet somehow he charmed me. In spite of the red flags and gut feeling, he swept me off of my feet with his adoration, promises, gifts and trips. I wanted the fantasy to be true.

Now, it's a nightmare - the person I interact with most is a pathological liar.

[UserName69]

My exBPD is a liar too. She lies about almost everything. Her studies, previous jobs, her history and just almost about everything. Once she said she had many BF's later she told me she had only 5 in her entire life. I caught her lying many times but never confronted her, if she wants to believe in all that fantasy it's fine. Soon or late they always get mixed up.

She doesn't have a job but guess what her personal info on FB says? That she is working at some company and she also claims she had a management function. She lied over her BU with her exBF. First she acted like he was the one who dumped her, later she told me she dumped him because she wanted to be with me. And the best part is she really believed all this BS, she's the biggest liar I ever met in my life, and believe me I have met quite a couple.

[gomez_addams]

Anyways... .The lies will eventually have you question your own sanity... .Like you will start believing aake believe version of life and will struggle with trying to differentiate the true from the false.  It is sad. 

This.  Times a million.  I thought I was the one who was disordered.

Gomez

[Circle]

LuckyJim... .I think that may be me.  I can tell you it is a really crappy place in my head and I have absolutely no idea how to change it.

That's how you change it! You admit it, see it and accept it. At least that's what the experts say. It's awesome that you have realized this about yourself. Good Job! We all have our faults.

[apollotech]

I have figured out the game and it's not worth the rest of my life.

Hi Figureit,

Now you're onto something. Create a positive, nurturing, and fulfilling life for you and your daughter. You cannot repair him no matter what you do or how long you stay. I know that you and your daughter will have a brighter future.

Apollo

[letmeout]

And mine has a double standard.  He wants to know where I'm going, what i'm doing but then does not do the same in return. 

Mine would actually follow me (stalk me) to see if I was going where I said I was going. Of course I always went where I said I was going, I never had a  reason to lie. Why he never believed me was his issue alone.

[Samuel S.]

My BPDw tried to justify lying to me, saying that she was only "pretending" in her life. Then, I said to her that not only was she pretending with me, she was being a fake. Needless to say, that didn't go over too well, but I have been the one who always has been authentic, loving, supporitive, and caring. Now, she says she is living her true purpose, doing her own thing even though we are still married, to which I say "for now".

[gah]

Well, an update... .he is a liar, everything about him was lies, he cheated, he broke my heart.  I'm broken.

[Circle]

Well, an update... .he is a liar, everything about him was lies, he cheated, he broke my heart.  I'm broken.

Sorry to hear the bad news. How did you discover this? Hope you realize that you are better off without him.

[Circle]

So, I was thinking about why somebody would so persistently lie. I came up with a thought. It's probably been written about before.

Anyhow, I think it's justification and blame. Pretty simple, right? You can go cheat on your partner, even if they are working hard to meet your needs (including sexually meeting your needs); all you have to do, is decide that they deserve it. The cheater/liar believes that their partner DESERVES it, or that their partner is to BLAME, because of something that they did. So, the cheater/liar feels Justified in doing what they did. The cheater/liar has a hard time looking down the barrel of their own smoking-gun, because they believe they were wronged and that what they did was A-Okay.

I'm not talking about a person who is neglected or abused by their partner. I'm talking about a person whose partner is working hard to meet their needs, and still feels justified in lying to their partner.

Just my own attempt to understand.

[SummerStorm]

So, I was thinking about why somebody would so persistently lie. I came up with a thought. It's probably been written about before.

Anyhow, I think it's justification and blame. Pretty simple, right? You can go cheat on your partner, even if they are working hard to meet your needs (including sexually meeting your needs); all you have to do, is decide that they deserve it. The cheater/liar believes that their partner DESERVES it, or that their partner is to BLAME, because of something that they did. So, the cheater/liar feels Justified in doing what they did. The cheater/liar has a hard time looking down the barrel of their own smoking-gun, because they believe they were wronged and that what they did was A-Okay.

I'm not talking about a person who is neglected or abused by their partner. I'm talking about a person whose partner is working hard to meet their needs, and still feels justified in lying to their partner.

Just my own attempt to understand.

Mine created this lie in her head that her boyfriend was selfish, that he hit her, that he was complete and utter bull____.  None of it was true, of course.  It was all projection.  He wasn't selfish for not helping her move her stuff.  She never asked to move in, and he never asked her.  She just moved in.  Of course he wasn't helping her.  He didn't know she was moving in.  She convinced herself that he was bad, so it was okay for her to cheat on him.  I texted the guy while she was in the hospital.  He thinks she's the greatest thing to ever happen to him.  He has put up with all of her crap.  He never laid a hand on her, other than to wrap his arms around her and calm her down.

She then created a lie in her head that I almost made her lose everything.  She blames me for everything.  She takes no responsibility for her actions. 

I feel bad for this poor guy.  He has absolutely no clue what she is capable of. 

[Circle]

She then created a lie in her head that I almost made her lose everything.  She blames me for everything.  She takes no responsibility for her actions. 

So glad you figured it all out. And that you know what you are dealing with. I'm not saying these people are villains. But they definitely aren't fighting with the good guys.

[Lucky Jim]

I'm not saying these people are villains. But they definitely aren't fighting with the good guys.

Like how you put that, Circle!  So true . . .

LuckyJim