In the beginning of the week he admitted he has someone else and couldnt take it anymore so he left. He says he still wants to take me to school, doctor and work in my garden. He was here wednesday, i thought to pick up his stuff but didnt take a lot with him. He says he is staying with a friend and dont want me to think he is living with her and that she knows that he wants to help me and that he does what he wants. During those two hours here he cried a lot and when he is at his parents house he also cries.
He is still very protective. Says men want to take adventage of me now and still wants to lno stuff... there recently happened a lot. He lost his job and almost lost his father...
Im really depressed now
I am sorry you're going through this! As I was told, I will tell you, you are not alone... .we have all been through something like this with our pwBPD (not minimizing what you're going through at all!), you are among friends!
I believe (and its just my belief, you know your pwBPD better than I do) that he is still leaving you in the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt). He doesn't want to close the door on you, but he doesn't want to leave it open either (leaving reasons to be around you, hammering your self esteem, things like that). I am just a mere 3 days out of a roughly 10 month recycle relationship (during our 'breakup' she told me she had given me a year of her life, because I realized that we had started talking roughly a year ago even though we weren't romantic at the start, she felt we were and she also said she had fallen in love with me the day we started talking again - I didn't know that until she said it... .so yeah, theres that), so my new wounds are still fresh as well. I, too, have had my moments of depression. It is perfectly normal for us to go through the grieving process (and we should, we just experienced a catastrophic loss regardless of how "real" the relationship was to them, it was very real to us!), depression being one of those stages. The important thing is that you don't stay in depression to long. Take the time now to focus on you!
If you stop and think about it, there is probably something you enjoy that you haven't done in awhile since being with your pwBPD. For example, last night I went to dinner with a friend of mine and discussed politics. I enjoy talking that subject and it hit me last night that I had not followed or talked about that subject in at least 6 months. All my time was devoted to my pwBPD (her needs, her topics, her problems). I actually realized all the times he and I had went to dinner before, I was consumed with checking my phone and responding to her because I felt guilty that I wasn't with her (even though she usually had a reason/excuse to not be with me... .I still felt like the one letting her down).
How are you doing now? Have you seen/talked to him since Wed? Have you read over the lessons on this board? Do you have friends/family that you can lean on right now? Never forget, we are all here to help
YOU get through this!
