Forgiveness

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi everyone, I read through the workshop on acceptance and I still have some questions on forgiveness so I thought I'd start a new thread. My last thread was about what happens when you stop caring. This one is a little different. I'm still in a relationship with a pwBPD, obviously, since I'm posting on the staying board,  

So here are some of the things I am struggling with forgiving: two suicide attempts with one of them being directed at me which resulted in me intervening and the pwBPD staying in a psych hospital for a week, multiple dysregulations that end up in abusive text messages and voice messages saying f you, you did this, you're stupid, you're abusive, you're a bully, you're not capable of having a relationship, you devalue me, you dismiss me, etc etc etc. (I'm sure you are all familiar with this stuff.) Being told some woman I've never even heard of is going to come pick up his stuff from my apartment. Being told I'm holding on to resentments because I remember these things and don't forgive them. The pwBPD often disassociates after these incidents so I'm the one who is left with the memories, the text messages, the voice messages.

Not only do I struggle with forgiveness, but then when he tells me he loves me, how wonderful I am, how feels positively towards me, how he's never had these feelings towards anyone else, how special I am to him,  I'm thinking "yeah right, and was that you said to me a few weeks ago?" I think the healthier I get the less I forget how's he's verbally and emotionally abused me.

Can any of you relate to this? Have you any of you worked through something similar and come out the other side?

Thanks in advance. Look forward to your replies.

[unicorn2014]

Hi everyone, I read through the workshop on acceptance and I still have some questions on forgiveness so I thought I'd start a new thread. My last thread was about what happens when you stop caring. This one is a little different. I'm still in a relationship with a pwBPD, obviously, since I'm posting on the staying board,  

So here are some of the things I am struggling with forgiving: two suicide attempts with one of them being directed at me which resulted in me intervening and the pwBPD staying in a psych hospital for a week, multiple dysregulations that end up in abusive text messages and voice messages saying f you, you did this, you're stupid, you're abusive, you're a bully, you're not capable of having a relationship, you devalue me, you dismiss me, etc etc etc. (I'm sure you are all familiar with this stuff.) Being told some woman I've never even heard of is going to come pick up his stuff from my apartment. Being told I'm holding on to resentments because I remember these things and don't forgive them. The pwBPD often disassociates after these incidents so I'm the one who is left with the memories, the text messages, the voice messages.

Not only do I struggle with forgiveness, but then when he tells me he loves me, how wonderful I am, how feels positively towards me, how he's never had these feelings towards anyone else, how special I am to him,  I'm thinking "yeah right, and was that you said to me a few weeks ago?" I think the healthier I get the less I forget how's he's verbally and emotionally abused me.

Can any of you relate to this? Have you any of you worked through something similar and come out the other side?

Thanks in advance. Look forward to your replies.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Unicorn2014,

It seems to me that there is a big difference between forgiving someone and letting them off the hook so they carry on as usual with all their usual abusive behaviours and a kind of forgiveness that also holds someone accountable for their actions and responsible for making appropriate amends. I think we assume forgiveness implies the former, when it should follow the latter pattern. What do you think?

Lifewriter

x

[LilMe]

I haven't made it to the other side yet either. I feel the same when my pwBPD is loving - you hated me before, now I'm great again? Since I have pulled back a bit emotionally he says I am cold. I still show affection and say kind, supportive things, I just don't get caught up in the drama anymore. I think I have the forgiveness part down (I'm probably a little too quick to forgive in all my relationships!), but I do not forget. I hope to see more responses!

[babyducks]

Hi Unicorn2014,

I think part of acceptance is also accepting me and my feelings.   I have limitations, wounds, scars and behaviors that I do my best with.   My best is often not perfect.   Who knew.      

I have an affirmation that I picked up which is helpful for me.   It reads:

In my own world,  I am my own authority; I am the only one who thinks in my mind.

My partner will occasionally push on me to change my opinions, thoughts or feelings to something that is more comfortable to her.   Sometimes that pressures can become intense.   She should have been a lawyer because she can create a case like nothing I have ever seen before.

I'm not sure when his suicide attempts occurred.   If they are relatively recent I am wondering how reasonable is it to expect a recovery and forgiveness in a short period of time?   People recover and forgive at their own pace.   It takes as long as it takes.

In my relationship we had a difficult event occur a couple of years ago and to be honest it was not as tough as what you are describing.   While I understand intellectually to stay in this relationship I have to develop the ability to look beyond that, emotionally I still have little fissures of resentment over it.   Along the lines of "oh really after all that you want to WHAT?"  I think it's natural to feel that.    What I do with the feeling is important.

My feelings are my business.   The analogy I heard a couple of years ago is that I don't want to stuff them in the trunk but I don't want them driving the car either.   I want to make friends with them.   I want to fully integrate them.   Which means I need to listen more to me.   That's how it works for me.

'ducks

[unicorn2014]

My partner will occasionally push on me to change my opinions, thoughts or feelings to something that is more comfortable to her.   Sometimes that pressures can become intense.   She should have been a lawyer because she can create a case like nothing I have ever seen before.

I'm not sure when his suicide attempts occurred.   If they are relatively recent I am wondering how reasonable is it to expect a recovery and forgiveness in a short period of time?   People recover and forgive at their own pace.   It takes as long as it takes.

In my relationship we had a difficult event occur a couple of years ago and to be honest it was not as tough as what you are describing.   While I understand intellectually to stay in this relationship I have to develop the ability to look beyond that, emotionally I still have little fissures of resentment over it.   Along the lines of "oh really after all that you want to WHAT?"  I think it's natural to feel that.    What I do with the feeling is important.

My feelings are my business.   The analogy I heard a couple of years ago is that I don't want to stuff them in the trunk but I don't want them driving the car either.   I want to make friends with them.   I want to fully integrate them.   Which means I need to listen more to me.   That's how it works for me.

'ducks

I appreciate all that you've said here. I also experience my partner trying to change my thoughts and feelings and its so frustrating. The second suicide attempt was in January 2014. I also appreciate what you said about your feelings being your business. To be frank I'm struggling with feeling angry that my partner started a relationship with me while he was still married, without telling me he was married. That was back in July of 2012. I don't know if I'll ever get over that. He's still going through a divorce today. I can't talk about it with my partner because he'll tell me I'm being resentful. He believes he's not a resentful person and that he doesn't experience resentment. I think he's a liar. I've been told f you  and go away you stupid little girl and you're abusive one too many times to believe he's not resentful.

[Cat Familiar]

Hi Unicorn2014,

It seems to me that there is a big difference between forgiving someone and letting them off the hook so they carry on as usual with all their usual abusive behaviours and a kind of forgiveness that also holds someone accountable for their actions and responsible for making appropriate amends. I think we assume forgiveness implies the former, when it should follow the latter pattern. What do you think?

Lifewriter

x

The accountability is key to me. Apologies don't hold together if they continue to do the same behavior over and over.

A suicide attempt is a really big deal. It would be traumatizing to anyone. For him to brush aside you feelings by calling you resentful is such a petty and nasty blow. But it's so typical that pwBPD think their feelings are so important while ours are insignificant.

Today my husband had a mild dysregulation when I tried to hold him accountable for leaving a mess in the kitchen the night before when he was drunk and stoned. It wasn't the mess that so irritated me, but that he claimed to not have been responsible for it and that I was criticizing him. (There are two people in our household. I knew I hadn't left the mess.) He finally started to understand my perspective when I told him that I had triggers too after he told me how I triggered him by questioning him about what was the substance on the cutting board. And later in the day we had a real and intimate conversation for the first time in a long time. Sometimes I think it's necessary to hold them accountable or they start to feel we are weak and then they abuse us even more.

[unicorn2014]

Hi Unicorn2014,

It seems to me that there is a big difference between forgiving someone and letting them off the hook so they carry on as usual with all their usual abusive behaviours and a kind of forgiveness that also holds someone accountable for their actions and responsible for making appropriate amends. I think we assume forgiveness implies the former, when it should follow the latter pattern. What do you think?

Lifewriter

x

The accountability is key to me. Apologies don't hold together if they continue to do the same behavior over and over.

A suicide attempt is a really big deal. It would be traumatizing to anyone. For him to brush aside you feelings by calling you resentful is such a petty and nasty blow. But it's so typical that pwBPD think their feelings are so important while ours are insignificant.

He wasn't brushing aside my feelings about the suicide attempt but about the verbal abuse which happened a couple of weeks ago. However what I'm really struggling with is that he approached me while he was still married and when I asked him if he was married, he denied it. It wasn't until his wife intervened in one of our conversations that I found he was married and by then it was too late. This happened in July 2012. He's still going through a divorce today. Its embarrassing to me when people see my ring and ask if I'm married and I have to say no not yet, my fiancé is still going through a divorce. I never would've gotten emotionally involved with him if I knew he was married and he knew that which is why he didn't tell me.

[Daniell85]

I have heard a lot from my boyfriend about how I am "wallowing in the past" and "living in the past" and how we can't move forward if "you want to stay stuck".

I see the point of forgiving and moving on. He demanded the slate wiped clean while he continues the kind of behavior that led to all the damage in the first place.

It takes time to recover from infidelity, emotional and mental abuse. It's impossible to do so with someone who cannot/will not stop even more of the same.

It's stung a lot to be on the receiving end of all of those things and then to be abused even more for not "getting over it" within a few days of it happening. While he does more.

Only recently has he even mentioned that there "needs to be some time to heal".

Really? And while this is happening and we are apart to "allow healing to take place" he continues to block me, ignore me ( not trying to really reach out anymore no point) AND continuing a lot of the things he was doing before. Shady stuff with other women after he cheated. WITH the same woman and OTHER women he has had really bad boundaries with.

He has tried to explain it to me. He made mistakes, messed up. Now he knows better, so if he wants to continue talking to, hanging out with, and spending overnights with... .well he and "her" are not doing anything wrong, so why is Danielle in such a state of panic, hurt, and anger over it all?

Hey. THIS time no one is doing anything wrong. So forgive and get over it!

Problem is, I don't believe or trust. And to him that is the real problem.

Can't forgive something that is still happening. Don't want to either.

[unicorn2014]

I have heard a lot from my boyfriend about how I am "wallowing in the past" and "living in the past" and how we can't move forward if "you want to stay stuck".

I see the point of forgiving and moving on. He demanded the slate wiped clean while he continues the kind of behavior that led to all the damage in the first place.

It takes time to recover from infidelity, emotional and mental abuse. It's impossible to do so with someone who cannot/will not stop even more of the same.

It's stung a lot to be on the receiving end of all of those things and then to be abused even more for not "getting over it" within a few days of it happening. While he does more.

Only recently has he even mentioned that there "needs to be some time to heal".

Really? And while this is happening and we are apart to "allow healing to take place" he continues to block me, ignore me ( not trying to really reach out anymore no point) AND continuing a lot of the things he was doing before. Shady stuff with other women after he cheated. WITH the same woman and OTHER women he has had really bad boundaries with.

He has tried to explain it to me. He made mistakes, messed up. Now he knows better, so if he wants to continue talking to, hanging out with, and spending overnights with... .well he and "her" are not doing anything wrong, so why is Danielle in such a state of panic, hurt, and anger over it all?

Hey. THIS time no one is doing anything wrong. So forgive and get over it!

Problem is, I don't believe or trust. And to him that is the real problem.

Can't forgive something that is still happening. Don't want to either.

Yes I understand and I don't have those problems, mine are different. I'm working on forgiving a marriage proposal that happened while he was still married to another woman (he's been going through a divorce with her the whole time we've been engaged), a suicide attempt that was directed at me that I had to intervene on, and numerous incidents of verbal and emotional abuse, the last one which happened just three weeks ago and I've been with this man three years. Probably the hardest thing for me to forgive is that he allowed himself to get emotionally involved with me while he was still living with his wife without telling me he was living with her. I find if I don't wear my engagement ring out in public I don't get triggered people asking me if I'm married and that solves that problem.

I know I would not tolerate cheating.

[Daniell85]

I know everyone here has a hard situation or none of us would be here. I would feel so much more hopeful and motivated, though, if it weren't for the cheating. :/

[unicorn2014]

I know everyone here has a hard situation or none of us would be here. I would feel so much more hopeful and motivated, though, if it weren't for the cheating. :/

I understand and that is a tough one. I am thankful I don't have to deal with that one. I was the other woman, he left his wife for me. I have had to deal with two suicide attempts, one of them directed at me, complete with pictures of pills and everything. (I intervened on that one). For some that would be a deal breaker and yet I am still here over a year later. For others the verbal abuse and name calling would be a deal breaker. I know I lost one close friendship over that because my friend couldn't bear to see me hurt any longer and she felt she was enabling me in my relationship with my SO.  Its all relative. What matters is that we can come here and tell the truth and help each other get out of the mess we are in!

[babyducks]

Hi unicorn,

I found dialectical behavior therapy helpful for me.  It's always recommend for pwBPD so I was curious and picked up a work book.  There was nothing fancy about the workbook I found.

The workbook talks about self validation.

It said self validation is "when you are able to quietly reassure yourself that what you feel inside is real, is important and makes sense."  It also went on to say we can self invalidate when we spend time and energy trying to prove to someone else our experience is real and makes sense.

This is just my two cents.  Not a judgment, only an opinion.   If I had been through what you have been through I would still be absolutely incandescently livid.  For me I wouldn't be focused on forgiveness I would still be concentrating on not being bloody angry.

We learn to Self-Validate because:

…it quiets defensive/fearful emotions so we can problem solve.

…it allows us to let go of the pain and exhaustion that constant self-justification and self-doubt requires.

The other part of DBT is core mindfulness.   That might be helpful to you also.   In core mindfulness it talks about noticing how you feel, without trying to make feelings stronger, or weaker, go away, or last longer.

what do you think is DBT worth a Google search?

'ducks

[Cat Familiar]

Hi Unicorn,

I have a similar situation with my husband. We'd known each other for years and had lost touch somewhat since I had moved to a different area. He contacted me out of the blue and we began writing each other and sharing very personal feelings. What he didn't tell me at the beginning was that he was married (to someone I knew). Through our correspondence and phone calls, I fell in love with him. Then, months later, I found out he was married.

It was very deceitful on his part, IMO. The second betrayal was that he told me he was leaving his marriage. Then he didn't.

He contacted me many years later, again out of the blue. And this time he did leave his marriage.

Nevertheless, there's a part of me that doesn't fully trust him--with good reason.

Cat

[Cat Familiar]

It said self validation is "when you are able to quietly reassure yourself that what you feel inside is real, is important and makes sense."  It also went on to say we can self invalidate when we spend time and energy trying to prove to someone else our experience is real and makes sense.

We learn to Self-Validate because:

…it quiets defensive/fearful emotions so we can problem solve.

…it allows us to let go of the pain and exhaustion that constant self-justification and self-doubt requires.

The other part of DBT is core mindfulness.   That might be helpful to you also.   In core mindfulness it talks about noticing how you feel, without trying to make feelings stronger, or weaker, go away, or last longer.

Thanks for this, babyducks. I will check it out for me!

[unicorn2014]

It said self validation is "when you are able to quietly reassure yourself that what you feel inside is real, is important and makes sense."  It also went on to say we can self invalidate when we spend time and energy trying to prove to someone else our experience is real and makes sense.

This is just my two cents.  Not a judgment, only an opinion.   If I had been through what you have been through I would still be absolutely incandescently livid.  For me I wouldn't be focused on forgiveness I would still be concentrating on not being bloody angry.

We learn to Self-Validate because:

…it quiets defensive/fearful emotions so we can problem solve.

…it allows us to let go of the pain and exhaustion that constant self-justification and self-doubt requires.

The other part of DBT is core mindfulness.   That might be helpful to you also.   In core mindfulness it talks about noticing how you feel, without trying to make feelings stronger, or weaker, go away, or last longer.

what do you think is DBT worth a Google search?

'ducks

Thank you so much for this. I'm going to keep thinking about your post.

I've actually done two years of DBT myself and have three binders full of material. I've been really focused on other aspects of DBT and I hear what you're saying, it makes a lot of sense! I am still angry even though that happened over 3 years ago. I'm still angry because he's still going through a divorce. His wife contested the divorce, he withdrew it, then refiled on my insistence. I don't blame him for his wife contesting his divorce, however I am sick and tired of being in a relationship with a man going through a divorce.

I appreciate the piece about core mindfulness. I am still angry. I'm going to have to come a quiet understanding within myself that is ok and its going to take what its going to take to get over it or not.

I don't recall learning about self-validation, do you remember which module that was a part of? I'm going to comb through my material to look for it.

Forgiveness isn't really my issue, so if it ever comes up again I will say I am focused on being mindful and accepting my feelings for what they are. I may suggest the pwBPD work on self forgiveness while I work on self validation. He may not like that, so I hope we don't have to have that conversation! He has admitted to me that he knows what he did was wrong and that doesn't change how I feel. I'm still angry. 

[unicorn2014]

Hi Unicorn,

I have a similar situation with my husband. We'd known each other for years and had lost touch somewhat since I had moved to a different area. He contacted me out of the blue and we began writing each other and sharing very personal feelings. What he didn't tell me at the beginning was that he was married (to someone I knew). Through our correspondence and phone calls, I fell in love with him. Then, months later, I found out he was married.

It was very deceitful on his part, IMO. The second betrayal was that he told me he was leaving his marriage. Then he didn't.

He contacted me many years later, again out of the blue. And this time he did leave his marriage.

Nevertheless, there's a part of me that doesn't fully trust him--with good reason.

Cat

Thank you so much for sharing this.

In terms of the history of my relationship his soon to be ex wife contacted me three months into the relationship to introduce herself to me. Of course she did it in a deceitful manner, she posed as him, assuming I knew of her existence. I did not. When I had asked him if he was married he implied he wasn't. He had been living in separate rooms for 8 years so in his mind he wasn't married anymore and that didn't matter because in her mind he was. He's been going through a divorce now for over 3 years and its tedious because she's been contesting it. However when I had the initial opportunity to break up with him over his marriage I rejected it because I thought I was in love with him. Looking back on it I wasn't in love with him at all. I hadn't even met him in person yet. I was in love with the idea of him. Now that I've known him for three years and seen him in action there are definitely things about him that I love however I have a lot of anger over how our relationship started so I don't know if I'll ever be able to say I'm in love with him again. I think what he did was unforgivable, and that was just the start. Then there were the suicide attempts and the verbal abuse which was even taking place last month. That kind of behavior pretty much kills any kind of romantic feeling, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I'm engaged and not married yet so I can still leave if I want to.

[believer55]

If I  can add my experience. I struggle with this all the time. The abusive behaviours have been bad for 3 years and I feel I am getting so tired. If i bring up any time he has hurt me he blasts me for 'living in the past'. I have forgiven what he has done but I feel the effects of it every day. I don't hold it against him but when he displays the behaviours again I remind him he has promised not to do it again. That sets him off worse. I think we can forgive isolated incidents but not forget they are part of a pattern. Their anger at us remembering is a projection of themselves wanting to forget as their emotions are too strong to deal with.

Wondering if anyone else feels exhausted by this? I look at him differently  now and he can tell that. He wants me to be totally unaffected by it all and I feel I. Can't keep it up anymore.

[babyducks]

I don't recall learning about self-validation, do you remember which module that was a part of? I'm going to comb through my material to look for it.

hi unicorn2014,

I don't really have modules to refer to.   I am by no means an expert, I just pick up a few things along the way.

I think it is fair to say that many of us ended up in our relationships because we had our own high validation needs.   And that maybe what attracted us, in the beginning, was the higher than normal idealization.

When our partner can't validate us, we need to do that for ourselves.   A kind of inner monologue that says "babyducks you are okay, the process of life is unfolding around you, and you can feel tolerance and compassion for all people; yourself included".   Or whatever works for the day.

I had picked up the habit of a lot of negative self talk.   a lot of self invalidation.   add that to my person with BPD and it was a messy situation.   When I got rid of the negative self talk and better at validating myself,  things improved with my pwBPD.   Her criticisms fell on deaf ears so to speak.   Sometimes my self validations are simple, like "ducks you did the best you could with that one, didn't you?"

and if I catch myself in a string of negative self talk I stop myself.

sounds simple but it was amazingly effective for me.

'ducks

[unicorn2014]

I don't recall learning about self-validation, do you remember which module that was a part of? I'm going to comb through my material to look for it.

hi unicorn2014,

I don't really have modules to refer to.   I am by no means an expert, I just pick up a few things along the way.

I think it is fair to say that many of us ended up in our relationships because we had our own high validation needs.   And that maybe what attracted us, in the beginning, was the higher than normal idealization.

When our partner can't validate us, we need to do that for ourselves.   A kind of inner monologue that says "babyducks you are okay, the process of life is unfolding around you, and you can feel tolerance and compassion for all people; yourself included".   Or whatever works for the day.

I had picked up the habit of a lot of negative self talk.   a lot of self invalidation.   add that to my person with BPD and it was a messy situation.   When I got rid of the negative self talk and better at validating myself,  things improved with my pwBPD.   Her criticisms fell on deaf ears so to speak.   Sometimes my self validations are simple, like "ducks you did the best you could with that one, didn't you?"

and if I catch myself in a string of negative self talk I stop myself.

sounds simple but it was amazingly effective for me.

'ducks

I appreciate that and it makes sense. I can definitely relate to the high idealization part. Now when my partner tells me how wonderful I am, I don't care anymore because I know just three weeks ago he was telling me "f you" and "go away stupid little girl" and "you can't have a relationship with anybody" and "you're the abusive one". I don't know what kind of relationship I can have with him now as I've definitely soured on the idealization phase of the relationship. He thinks because his therapist told him, according to him, that the verbal abuse wasn't that bad, that somehow everything is ok. I think not. Do I have a resentment? Maybe. Am I weary of being burned again? Absolutely! I don't know, what do you think? I know what he would say. I'm "collecting stamps".

[babyducks]

Hi unicorn,

just three weeks ago he was telling me "f you" and "go away stupid little girl" and "you can't have a relationship with anybody" and "you're the abusive one".

He thinks because his therapist told him, according to him, that the verbal abuse wasn't that bad, that somehow everything is ok. I think not.

It sounds like you have identified this as verbal abuse right?

What is your boundary about verbal abuse and how are you enforcing it?

'ducks

[unicorn2014]

Hi unicorn,

just three weeks ago he was telling me "f you" and "go away stupid little girl" and "you can't have a relationship with anybody" and "you're the abusive one".

He thinks because his therapist told him, according to him, that the verbal abuse wasn't that bad, that somehow everything is ok. I think not.

It sounds like you have identified this as verbal abuse right?

What is your boundary about verbal abuse and how are you enforcing it?

'ducks

It was verbal abuse "f you" "go away you stupid little girl" "you're abusive" "you're not capable of having a relationship with anybody". Unfortunately I have both his voice messages and his text messages to prove it.

It wasn't that the therapist said it wasn't verbal abuse, its that the therapist said he wasn't an abusive person, he just got dysregulated, according to him.

I already told him if he does that again I'm filing a restraining order. However the bigger problem is I asked him to see his divorce filing papers 3 months ago and he still hasn't showed them to me. Tomorrow I'm going to have to call the court house in his county and ask if he filed. I'm not sure I'm ready if the answer is no.

There is also still something bothering me from when he attempted suicide 1.5 years ago. When I talked to the emergency room doctor on the phone he told me he reeked of alcohol. To this day my fiancé vehemently denies this. That is bothering me too. That on top of the fact that he implied he wasn't married when I first talked to him through a social network messaging system over 3 years ago. My head is spinning with all this unsettling information.

[unicorn2014]

If I  can add my experience. I struggle with this all the time. The abusive behaviours have been bad for 3 years and I feel I am getting so tired. If i bring up any time he has hurt me he blasts me for 'living in the past'. I have forgiven what he has done but I feel the effects of it every day. I don't hold it against him but when he displays the behaviours again I remind him he has promised not to do it again. That sets him off worse. I think we can forgive isolated incidents but not forget they are part of a pattern. Their anger at us remembering is a projection of themselves wanting to forget as their emotions are too strong to deal with.

Wondering if anyone else feels exhausted by this? I look at him differently  now and he can tell that. He wants me to be totally unaffected by it all and I feel I. Can't keep it up anymore.

Hi Believer 55, sorry it took me so long to get to this. I got wrapped up in my other posts. I found a forgiveness workshop here and its really helping. What I just learned tonight is that when someone hurts me, sometimes they take out a damaged part of me so in the end it turns out they helped me. That is so profound. If I look at what my BPD relationship has done to me, I can see that's true. Gradually it has purged me of all bad behaviors, one of which I am stuck in right now. This relationship has kind of been like a cleansing or purification process. Is it possible you could look at your relationship that way too?

[Lifewriter16]

Hi unicorn

Please will you post the link to that thread. It sounds really interesting.

Thanks

Lifewriter x

[unicorn2014]

 

Hi unicorn

Please will you post the link to that thread. It sounds really interesting.

Thanks

Lifewriter x

Sure, let me figure out how to do that and then I will go to bed. I'm really triggered right now, but in a good way, a healing way.

[unicorn2014]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58084.msg541738#msg541738

Lifewriter, lets see if this works.

[Lifewriter16]

It worked. Thank You. Lifewriter x

[unicorn2014]

Formflier, your reply seems to have disappeared.

In your experience is lying and deception a part of BPD?

I talked to my former therapist who is now treating my fiancé and I have come to the conclusion I need another t to help me deal with the situation at hand. I also went to church today and somebody asked me where my pwBPD was. I told him his accountant gave him the ok to move in a couple of months. That should let anybody know who was listening what kind of man I'm dealing with.