My ex boyfriend has BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'll start by saying the hardest part.  I left my best friend and husband of 20 years for a man who I thought was someone, was not that person at all.  I now realize this is a disorder... .Unfortunately it DOESNT make it hurt any less.  I have three beautiful little girls.  I turned their world upside down.  It started when I reached out to him because we became Facebook friends.  It quickly turned into more.  I was married.  I had a 8,6 and 6 month old. I was struggling financially, emotionally, and was very very vulnerable to say the least. My family was mortified, my husband is a shell of who he was before I crushed our dreams. It is beyond shameful . Well my BPD was going to rescue me, give me everything I needed and more. I had the kind of blind faith that should had been alarming even to me. 

Everything was amazing at first.  I moved myself and three daughters out of my marital home and into a beautiful 3 bedroom house .  He was here painting everything for us.  He was here every weekend my girls weren't. I am a very good mother.  I have faith in that.  He wanted to meet my children right away.  I knew that was wrong in my heart, but he convinced me we were doing nothing wrong and they would love him.  My oldest was already in counseling as I felt she needed it after I left her father.  Her father would fly off the handle and tell the girls too much about my new boyfriends past.  That's a very very long story.  As you can imagine one filled with lots of ex girlfriends, drug abuse and even a fake marriage for money.  So, my BPD convinced me my husband was the rotten one and my girls and I would be fine.  He wanted to spend a lot of time with us, we made my three girls hop right into a life with another man within months of leaving their father.  It makes me sick to my stomach to write this.  He was the best, most supportive, helpful, caring, loving, sweetest man I have ever met.  Yet, every once in a while I could feel this did satisfaction bubbling inside of him.  I've prided myself on having very good instincts my whole life, I didn't see this coming what so ever.  Although he has made himself quite the reputation in my home town, everyone I know tried to tell me.  My family wouldn't even come near my house if he was here.as Christmas rolled around( I moved into my house in August) he was spending nights here when the girls were home also.  They had accepted him in our life as children often do because their mom said it's ok.  He wanted to move in but I just knew that wasn't right.  A few days after Christmas we took the three girls to an indoor water park for the night. He was not feeling well and went to bed early.  He woke up very unhappy and we went straight home. He came back to our house and proceeded to leave three times that day and night.  The girls and I played board games as he ran " home" for something.  When he came back he went into my bathroom after running out this car twice.  He stayed in my bathroom with the water running for an hour and a half. I was beside myself standing outside the door.  I heard the rubber tie off come off his arm.  He had a past with heroin so I knew what to listen for, although I didn't have a clue what was in store for me. He came out all glassy eyes as I was sitting on my couch about to lose my mind.  I was furious and said so. I locked myself in my bedroom and he passed out on my couch. I lied there for hours googling what to do! Imagine I was so horrified and terrified I was GOOGLING what to do!  I noticed his back pack in my room, I turned the lights on and opened the front zipper... .Of course I found a needle with wet blood in it.  I was pretty much hysterical as he was knocking on my door asking if I was ok? I was not ok. I told him to leave and he did( I kept the needle for evidence) I've never been so scared in my life as I've never seen a needle before or any drugs for that matter. He came back. He had bought a store drug test and wanted me to see he wasn't doing anything. I swear to you he had gone to a friends and got his pee somehow.  He passed the test. It didn't matter, I knew what happened. He tried for months to convince me I was wrong.  He knew if became over that week I would give him another test, so he stayed away.  It wAs my birthday, no card and didn't come by. He got pneumonia ( I believe from drug use) and landed himself in the hospital for 10 days.  I knew he needed me so I went to see him( even with my girls to cheer him up) I loved him still and I felt terrible he was sick.  That week in January started a cycle I had no idea existed. It changed my life and our relationship beyond repair.  The night he did that in my bathroom was one I'll never forget.  I have still not recovered from it.  It opened my eyes to what he was and is capable of.  It shook me to my core.  But I still did not walk away.  He needed me, couldn't live without me.  I was his life line. I saved him. His angel. Changed him to be a better man.

[Mag0178]

I'll start by saying the hardest part.  I left my best friend and husband of 20 years for a man who I thought was someone, was not that person at all.  I now realize this is a disorder... .Unfortunately it DOESNT make it hurt any less.  I have three beautiful little girls.  I turned their world upside down.  It started when I reached out to him because we became Facebook friends.  It quickly turned into more.  I was married.  I had a 8,6 and 6 month old. I was struggling financially, emotionally, and was very very vulnerable to say the least. My family was mortified, my husband is a shell of who he was before I crushed our dreams. It is beyond shameful . Well my BPD was going to rescue me, give me everything I needed and more. I had the kind of blind faith that should had been alarming even to me. 

Everything was amazing at first.  I moved myself and three daughters out of my marital home and into a beautiful 3 bedroom house .  He was here painting everything for us.  He was here every weekend my girls weren't. I am a very good mother.  I have faith in that.  He wanted to meet my children right away.  I knew that was wrong in my heart, but he convinced me we were doing nothing wrong and they would love him.  My oldest was already in counseling as I felt she needed it after I left her father.  Her father would fly off the handle and tell the girls too much about my new boyfriends past.  That's a very very long story.  As you can imagine one filled with lots of ex girlfriends, drug abuse and even a fake marriage for money.  So, my BPD convinced me my husband was the rotten one and my girls and I would be fine.  He wanted to spend a lot of time with us, we made my three girls hop right into a life with another man within months of leaving their father.  It makes me sick to my stomach to write this.  He was the best, most supportive, helpful, caring, loving, sweetest man I have ever met.  Yet, every once in a while I could feel this did satisfaction bubbling inside of him.  I've prided myself on having very good instincts my whole life, I didn't see this coming what so ever.  Although he has made himself quite the reputation in my home town, everyone I know tried to tell me.  My family wouldn't even come near my house if he was here.as Christmas rolled around( I moved into my house in August) he was spending nights here when the girls were home also.  They had accepted him in our life as children often do because their mom said it's ok.  He wanted to move in but I just knew that wasn't right.  A few days after Christmas we took the three girls to an indoor water park for the night. He was not feeling well and went to bed early.  He woke up very unhappy and we went straight home. He came back to our house and proceeded to leave three times that day and night.  The girls and I played board games as he ran " home" for something.  When he came back he went into my bathroom after running out this car twice.  He stayed in my bathroom with the water running for an hour and a half. I was beside myself standing outside the door.  I heard the rubber tie off come off his arm.  He had a past with heroin so I knew what to listen for, although I didn't have a clue what was in store for me. He came out all glassy eyes as I was sitting on my couch about to lose my mind.  I was furious and said so. I locked myself in my bedroom and he passed out on my couch. I lied there for hours googling what to do! Imagine I was so horrified and terrified I was GOOGLING what to do!  I noticed his back pack in my room, I turned the lights on and opened the front zipper... .Of course I found a needle with wet blood in it.  I was pretty much hysterical as he was knocking on my door asking if I was ok? I was not ok. I told him to leave and he did( I kept the needle for evidence) I've never been so scared in my life as I've never seen a needle before or any drugs for that matter. He came back. He had bought a store drug test and wanted me to see he wasn't doing anything. I swear to you he had gone to a friends and got his pee somehow.  He passed the test. It didn't matter, I knew what happened. He tried for months to convince me I was wrong.  He knew if became over that week I would give him another test, so he stayed away.  It wAs my birthday, no card and didn't come by. He got pneumonia ( I believe from drug use) and landed himself in the hospital for 10 days.  I knew he needed me so I went to see him( even with my girls to cheer him up) I loved him still and I felt terrible he was sick.  That week in January started a cycle I had no idea existed. It changed my life and our relationship beyond repair.  The night he did that in my bathroom was one I'll never forget.  I have still not recovered from it.  It opened my eyes to what he was and is capable of.  It shook me to my core.  But I still did not walk away.  He needed me, couldn't live without me.  I was his life line. I saved him. His angel. Changed him to be a better man.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mag0178, What makes you think your xBF has BPD?  It sounds more like a substance abuse problem, from what you are saying.

LuckyJim

[Mag0178]

Thank you For responding Lucky Jim.  I have researched BPD and can see alot of signs in his actions. The " goodbye" texts when ever I want to discuss anything difficult for him. The constant need for excitement and un satisfied life style. He has changed jobs 3 times this year. He hides major things from me such as dealing drugs! He has a kidney disease and blames a lot of his problems in life on that. He basically is very emotionally immature and does outrageous things when he's " being a punk" as he likes to say. Dealing drugs is absolutely not ok and hiding it from your gf is horrendous. I have 3 kids for crying out loud... .Why would he disrepect me like that? I can only come up with his personality disorder being a major factor.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mag0178, The question, of course, is whether, in light of everything you have posted, it is time to walk away?  Only you know the answer to the question.  It's a roller coaster ride in a BPD r/s and many of use (read: me) have found out the hard way what can happen if you stay too long at the fair.

LuckyJim