I'm currently on the outs of a relationship that I've been in for 3 1/2 years. We have been long distance for a year and a half. I highly suspect that he has a personality disorder. He was evaluated at a low point in his life 8-9 years ago and got the documentation through an email about 2 years ago, that I saw, stating he more then likely had a personality disorder. Though I am not sure he has admitted to himself yet. Which is just half of this battle. I've been reading a lot about them lately and the traits are sometimes so spot on it's scary. We recently got into an argument over his drinking. He's been getting so belligerent lately that he doesn't even remember talking to each other on the phone. This has happened and time again. The next day I was upset about how intoxicated he keeps getting and tried to explain to him that it's not okay to be getting like that and he blurted out that being long distance is very hard and that he doesn't see the gap closing soon. Where was this coming from? We had just talked the day before about him coming to see me in a few weeks and me going there shortly after that. He had actually invited me on this trip to Fl with him but couldn't of because of work. Hes always been very vocal about how he misses me and how he feels for me, though he has a hard time saying I love you. But sometimes his actions dont match up. This ia not the first time he has pushed me away. If he knows drinking is hurting him and our relationship why is he doing it over and over again? When I say my love for him is deep its very true. Im not attracted to the drama or enjoy being treated this way. I genuinely love and care for him. And I feel that he feels that way about me too. Even when we were talking about things in a more calm manner a few days after, he said "you know how I feel about you". But if you feel this way why are you so reluctant about our future? And always pushing me away. Does he not actually love me? During that conversation I said to him that we are either going to be something or nothing. And the next day he messaged me in the morning and continued to talk to me every day after that. He would be really lovey sometimes but not as much a majority. Pretty much doing the bare minimum to stay in contact. On the phone was the only time he talked to me normal. He planned to come to Maine at the end of this month and seemed to be excited. He ended up getting very wasted last Sunday and I didn't hear from him all day long. Just once in the morning when he told me he hopes I have good day. Angry I called him at 9 pm, twice. And then he called me back drunk outside of the casino and we got into an argument. And I stated to him I haven't been liking how hes been making me feel lately and that I told him we were going to be something or nothing and that he knew that's what I wanted. He said if it has to be all or nothing then I guess it's nothing. You're the person I enjoy most in my life but I can't be a good boyfriend right now. I dont remember what was said but we got off the phone heated. The next morning he totally didn't know what was said on the phone. Messaged me to have a good day. I didn't respond. The day after that he wrote "I did it again, and Im very sorry. I know we spoke the other day but I was obviously out of it. Im so sorry you don't deserve any of that nonsense." I never responded and we haven't talked since. It hurts me he couldn't atleast pick up the phone and say it himself. I miss him every single day. But I dont know what to do anymore. If he cared why he wouldn't he call? I'm confused and heat broken. I dont know if anyone can give me a little clarity. Sorry for the novel. Looking forward to responses.
Let me be the first to welcome you and say I'm truly sorry that you are going through a rough time. It's very difficult dealing with a loved one with a PD. You will get lots of great advice here from people who are going through very similar circumstances. Please read the links on the right side of the page, learn as much as you can and keep posting.
