post break up energy

[confusedinny]

So, I'm 6 weeks out after a crazy 2 years in. She still finds a reason to reach out weekly and I haven't responded in a month. I have no feelings for her, no confusion about things.

Anyways, I'm finding that I'm really tired and taking a lot of naps since the break up! I'm exercising a lot and have slowed my work pace so there could be a few other explanations, but I'm curious if others had something comparable as I hadn't taken a nap in years as far as I can recall and it's now a daily ritual. Someone responded that I probably had been living on adrenaline in the r/s for awhile, and that's likely true.

The other thing that is connected is that a really wonderful woman has invited me on a holiday. I really like her. She's been a good friend for a few years and she has her act together, would be an amazing partner. I haven't pulled the trigger because I'm feeling really tired but I can't believe I can't muster the mojo for this trip? I have never balked at something like this before. I'd always fly to the end of the world to spend time with someone I was interested in... .which is what got me in this BPD mess to begin with haha, but this is a different scenario. I see that this trip would be great for me and I can't seem to muster the energy... .

[Schermarhorn]

I have slept a lot more after my breakup.

[intuitiveleigh]

I think since I just broke up with my BPD guy and changed my phone number I am feeling a sense of relief from the rollercoaster and the hateful texts and threats. But I think that we go through an serious energy change and sleeping is helping you rebuild all that energy that you had to expel all the time because being with a BPD person is so physically and mentally draining but we don't notice it sometimes but other people around us do. I look forward to not getting woken up at 3 am with some kind of irrational thoughts from him. Healing happens on our brains in the less conscious states meditation does it best. Learn TM meditation and that will help you recharge without napping. I learned it while I was pregnant and it literally has changed my life.

Hope that you can muster up strength to go enjoy a sane person I had a friend come stay the weekend and it made me feel so much better relating and being treated with love and respect. Its just what I needed to realize I don't need him and he was bringing me down 

[disorderedsociety]

I was sleeping like 10-12 hours a day toward the end. I sleep around 9 now.

Its weird but I'll go back and listen to songs that remind me of old feelings and it makes me feel sad, but its comforting in a way. Anyone know why this happens? Lol

I figure its part of grieving but christ, its been 7 months... .we were together 3 years

[Loosestrife]

I have more mental energy

[rotiroti]

Decreased energy can be a secondary to depression (you need to have 4 other symptoms in addition to energy changes for 2+ weeks to meet criteria for D), but it's interesting to hear about the loss of adrenaline theory!

[Learning_curve74]

confusedinny, I don't know your story, but often relationships with BPDers can be very stressful. That constant surge of cortisol in the bloodstream is bad for your health, and it could be part of the physical side of things contributing to feeling tired. They've done experiments stressing rats, and the rats eventually have no energy and just give up. Also, the mind and body are not separate, so listlessness could also be a sign of feeling down or becoming depressed.

You said you'd normally want to go on this holiday trip with your friend? Is it being out of it and/or tired that is keeping you from committing to it? If you really think it would be a fun thing and great for you, send me your address, I'll put on my best cowboy boots and give you a swift kick in the butt! 

Seriously, take care of yourself. Part of that might be going on a fun trip, right? What things would you do on this trip that you really enjoy?

[confusedinny]

Thank you everyone for the input.

I read through the depression symptoms. I don't think I'm a candidate for depression currently. In general, I love my life and all that's in it, I just drew the short straw with a BPD partner and am emerging from it. Finding my legs again, discovering what parts of me feel different after dealing with her as my primary relationship for a couple of years.

As far as this trip... the time there would be amazing. It would be spas and cafes and wine. Vacation with someone I trust and have great chemistry with. It's exactly what I'm craving. If she had chosen a destination a little closer, I'd be in. But she chose a destination with 12 hour flights and a bunch of train hopping. Because I am feeling sluggish, I'm just a little concerned what all of the travel would do to me. She'd be game for something closer with all of the same elements a few weeks from now after this far away trip, which I'm currently feeling is a healthier play for me.

I'm also just noticing how when she invited me... I feel this desire to please. Like I don't want to disappoint her, and am really hard on myself for considering not going, even if that's what I want. After 2 years of being with someone with BPD, I've learned it's OK to do what I want, whatever that may be. Can't just continue to be about pleasing other people.

That being said, it would be a really fun trip and I could use a kick in the bum, so feel free to lace up them boots haha