Learning about my partner and her disorder... What can I do to help her?

[13months]

Hello,

I have been in a relationship for about a year with my GF who has BPD. I have studied as much as I can about the disorder, but it is still a constant issue for our relationship. I struggle with it daily and am reaching out for help. I know that there is nothing I can do to "change" her, so I am looking for tips on living with her, understanding her and growing strong on my end. I want to be the best BF I can be for her, but I feel like I do not know how to find any emotional balance with her in my life. I feel like I am allowing her dual personalities, broken promises, anxiety, dishonesty and chaotic behavior to destroy my sanity. I know that she has a real problem beyond her control. I do not believe that she is a bad person or consciously intends to cause drama. She just seems helpless against her own mind, living with conflicting patterns of thinking. As a recovered addict & sober alcoholic, I relate to her struggles greatly in my own way. However, because I have worked so hard to regain control over my own life, I feel extra protective of my mental state. I am often impatient with her symptoms because she tramples my boundaries and suffocates my own personal growth, which I need to survive. I cannot continue to buffer her any longer. I have reached the edge of the margin and am desperate for some hope. I am looking for a sign that this is not a permanent way of life. At times, I want to break up with her, but I am afraid of her hurting herself or committing suicide. I love her very much, but I am also very unhappy in our relationship more than half the time. Please help. Thank you!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ptilda]

This is a good start. Talk to others who can relate.

You need space to keep your own identity. Do not lose yourself in all this. Make sure you're enjoying a hobby, friends, whatever. Let her know you're going out and will check in with her, but then go. Her mental health is not your responsibility.

This is the time for boundaries. Let her know you care for her so much and her condition is affecting you, but if she will continue to work, you will stay and support her. If she's not in therapy (assuming she's diagnosed and aware), make that a condition of your relationship. Also, go to couples counseling consistently. And get your own counseling or other support to deal with it.

Don't lose yourself in her BPD.