Did you believe that your replacement succeeded?

[borderdude]

My question is based on self doubt only. I have a tendency to forget the bad traits , and remember the good, look at persons in a good light.

[michel71]

Personally I feel very sorry for the replacement to come and for an unknowing heart that will be broken. I have every reason to believe that it will be the same for everyone who crosses her path romantically.

[borderdude]

Another tought... .Before we get to know each other I found out she alteady had been in a full blown rs with "me", yes you read right. I read about BPD persons ability to engage in fantasy rs and it all came to a clearity regarding her behaviour towards me. Anyone that share this experience?

[Heldfast]

Since my replacement cheated with her on me, knowing she was engaged, etc etc, and deliberately trying to lure her (which obviously, she wanted) out of the relationship and to him, I wish them each other in full. If he "succeeds" it's only because he's willing to be the world's biggest doormat.

[seang]

I dont want to think about the future, and whether she succeeds or not.  My issue on this subject is, that with some people they do succeed.

The guy who my ex was serious with before me was everything to her.  She expressed so much emotion for him compared to us it was, well not great.  She lasted with him 2 years.  Moved him in, in 3 months.  Lifted and moved her life and daughter away to be with him.  Had his name tattood on her arm!  And i dont know the truth in the split, but i do know he went back when she wasnt there to get his stuff.  Indicating she was either mental and couldnt be trusted, or that he knew she couldnt bare to let him walk.  IDK.

My point is, who are these people that do do it for them?  Ive read Narcs, or other BPD's.  But someone gets along with them... .although i suppose it still ends!

[saintgrey]

I dont want to think about the future, and whether she succeeds or not.  My issue on this subject is, that with some people they do succeed.

The guy who my ex was serious with before me was everything to her.  She expressed so much emotion for him compared to us it was, well not great.  She lasted with him 2 years.  Moved him in, in 3 months.  Lifted and moved her life and daughter away to be with him.  Had his name tattood on her arm!  And i dont know the truth in the split, but i do know he went back when she wasnt there to get his stuff.  Indicating she was either mental and couldnt be trusted, or that he knew she couldnt bare to let him walk.  IDK.

My point is, who are these people that do do it for them?  Ive read Narcs, or other BPD's.  But someone gets along with them... .although i suppose it still ends!

Well I was with mine for almost 6 year and close friends for 2 years before that, red flags everywhere and I knew something was wrong but i didn't bother to put a label because I though I knew how to deal with her issues, I always thought it was because of her depression and anxiety but now I know she's just addicted to the anxiety pills like any crack addict.

[Pretty Woman]

Seang,

  Oh it still ends... .trust me. I have met the ex's she's raved about. The ones she has returned to many times and they are NPD. An NPD tends to attract back the BPD but is no match for the BPD... .they still get abused and dumped.  My ex left me in 2013 for her ex in Minnesota. Told me she was going back to the "love of her life", "the one who got away".

Came back to me a month later. Told me they had sex but one day she was watching her comb her hair and she realized what it was she couldn't stand about her.

This ex broke up with her partner of seven years to get back with our ex! She gets dumped on her arse. For seven months my ex was talking to this woman on the phone... .she told me her "best friend". I didn't know what triangulation was and that she was actually working on this person to leave me.

Suffice it to say I don't think she (this particular ex) is in rotation at the moment. After that happened and she came back to me this ex pretty much inactivated her FB and dissapeared.

Then again they have been playing this game for over fifteen years... .and she's not the only ex playing it.


I say my ex will never contact me again. I say this yet I know she has tried to contact everyone at one point or another. All I know is she is extremely unhealthy and I am staying the eff away.

PW

[greenmonkey]

echoing PW if all the traits, behaviours are the same, the pathological lying, cheating, silent treatments, rages, leeching, stealing and the list goes on each and every relationship will be the same, the length of time depends on how long it takes the the 'trigger' or how long the other takes to get fed up of being a doormat.

From my guessing my ex has had 2-3 replacements/recycles in 10 months and she is now back on OKC looking for her next victim/relationship.

I feel for whoever gets involved in her life of chaos, lies, woe is me I am a victim, the whole thing of why everyone has treated her so badly and her life is so awful and it goes on.

It will go in a continuous loop, never ending, nothing will change, they will be a lot of women hurt in the process - the just have to be strong enough to get out and get wise to it. It is a shame you can't put health warnings on people

[Mr Hollande]

My replacement succeeded and has it all to come. All the worry, all the mess and all the pain. Good luck to him.

[theoneone]

My replacement is 20 years older than her. So, he "succeed" in landing himself a sexy 20 something year old who seduced him for a one night stand and then just latched on. I've since heard that she's involved with 3 OTHER people as well, and she got fired from her job recently since they were all customers and they started coming into her work ready to duke it out over her.

So... .yeah. They all succeed at creating a lot of drama in their lives by getting involved with a lying, deceitful, promiscuous, unstable individual who puts on an incredible charm in the beginning. Yay for them.

[borderdude]

My replacement is 20 years older than her. So, he "succeed" in landing himself a sexy 20 something year old who seduced him for a one night stand and then just latched on. I've since heard that she's involved with 3 OTHER people as well, and she got fired from her job recently since they were all customers and they started coming into her work ready to duke it out over her.

So... .yeah. They all succeed at creating a lot of drama in their lives by getting involved with a lying, deceitful, promiscuous, unstable individual who puts on an incredible charm in the beginning. Yay for them.

Holy mother ... . 

[theoneone]

My replacement is 20 years older than her. So, he "succeed" in landing himself a sexy 20 something year old who seduced him for a one night stand and then just latched on. I've since heard that she's involved with 3 OTHER people as well, and she got fired from her job recently since they were all customers and they started coming into her work ready to duke it out over her.

So... .yeah. They all succeed at creating a lot of drama in their lives by getting involved with a lying, deceitful, promiscuous, unstable individual who puts on an incredible charm in the beginning. Yay for them.

Holy mother ... . 

Yeah, I was pretty hurt when I found out about my replacement. It was really soon. I even met the guy before we broke up, shook his hand and spoke with him. I feel like she was already working on him as a lineup even as we were together.   But after hearing about all this other drama I really feel like I dodged a bullet. It's made the moving on process easier.

[SGraham]

Personally I feel very sorry for the replacement to come and for an unknowing heart that will be broken. I have every reason to believe that it will be the same for everyone who crosses her path romantically.

Yeah that's kinda how i think my ex is gonna be. We were each others first serious relationship but i know she is going to be like a romance tornado, laying waste to any poor sap who falls in love with her.

[ReneeMurphy523]

i have definitely succombed to the belief that the replacement will succeed.  My ex BPDbf cheated on his gf with me.  Strung her along for three months, before he finally officially ended it with her, to be with me.  I, of course, thought I was the exception and his LDR with her had fizzled.  Not the case.  After a year together, I suppose I triggered him (?) cause I demanded more of his presence/time.  The surge of attention and affection he initially showed me, slowly dissapeared over time, and he became critical of me and emotionally/verbally abusive.  I wanted the man back that I knew in the beginning.  I wanted him to deliver on all the promises he made.  No surprise when I  confronted him about all of it, he left me and ran right back to his ex.

I KNEW it was going to happen.  He had been triangulating me with her in the last couple of months. My insecurities, ego, and fear told me that maybe I was the last "fling" before he settled down with the love of his life-his ex before me- the woman he was meant to be with. 

Cut to six months later.  That relationship ended and he was begging me to come back.  Even though I told myself I never would-I did go back.  I spent four months with him and I ended things this time- cause I wasn't totally happy and he was still shady, and had not proved that he had changed at all.  The trust was totally gone on my part. 

Three weeks later, he moved onto another girl.  I used to work with him, but left the job 9 months ago.  The new girl is another fellow co-worker.  I was not suprised he found a replacement so fast, but another co-worker-in under a year? Holy Hell   

She is smart, cool, and attractive, so I don't want to put her down, but I feel he just went to her cause she is there.  As perhaps, all us were.  Easy targets :-( 

I can't say 100% how this will turn out, but like previous posters have mentioned it's not that our exes have changed, it's really what the other party is willing to put up with. 

All I know is that this second time around my eyes are open wider and I see this behavior for exactly what it is.  I truly feel sorry for the new girl in his life. She does not deserve what is coming.

[fred6]

This thread got me thinking. So I cruised by my ex's FB page to see what was going on lately and noticed 2 things. 1st I noticed that while she used to be a FB junkie, she hasn't really posted or "liked" anything in the past 2-3 months. Just a pic of her daughters first day of school. It's mostly other people tagging her and posting things to her page.

2nd thing that I noticed, my replacement posted this meme to her page just yesterday. That doesn't seem like something a happy couple would be sending to each other. I haven't seen or heard from her in almost a year Sept. 20. Trouble in paradise already? I know it doesn't mean much, but the very thought of our replacement succeeding is just our heads effin' with us. Most of the time, the same problems will arise for the replacement regardless. The only thing different is the timeline depending on what the replacements issues and temperaments are. Keep your heads up guys and gals!

“how to keep a relationship: communicate talk about things the good and bad build trust be honest be faithful be there for one another make time for one another leave the past in the past, which includes ex's know that having arguments are normal know that you won't always be happy don't expect change appreciate the flaws appreciate each other become best friends lastly, love each other unconditionally!”

[michel71]

Ahh Face Book. I hate it. My uBPDw de-friended me several months ago after an argument. She changed her last name back to her former married name (nice huh?) and took every single picture of me off her page, that included the wedding photos. One of my wife's pet peeves was that I had confided in a few close friends when I was having a near nervous breakdown in the last year and that I burst out in tears in front of a co-worker. She didn't want anybody to know our business. Ummm... .maybe... .it was because she had something to hide like she was a crazy abuser? Strangely, my wife didn't de-friend my friends who were on her FB, resulting in them finding out our dirty laundry anyway. How smart is that. One of them is my chiropractor who saw me today and said " what is going on at home". Embarrassing. Apparently my wife has been posting sad poems.

[balletomane]

One of my wife's pet peeves was that I had confided in a few close friends when I was having a near nervous breakdown in the last year and that I burst out in tears in front of a co-worker. She didn't want anybody to know our business. Ummm... .maybe... .it was because she had something to hide like she was a crazy abuser?

This was what led my ex to break up with me. He turned on me in a second over a very minor disagreement about politics that wouldn't have bothered most people. Over the next month of cruel treatment (savage spiteful remarks, him getting drunk and cutting and saying it was my fault, silent treatment interspersed with angry outbursts) I lost a lot of weight, was crying through the night, had tears leaking from my eyes at various points of the day, and developed a near-permanent skittering heart rate. After four weeks I turned to some friends whom I knew would be absolutely honest with me even if it meant hurting me, explained what had been going on, and asked if I was really the abuser he said I was. I had been getting so scared he was right that I was thinking of resigning from my job (because an abuser shouldn't work with vulnerable children) and applying for a vacancy packing boxes in a warehouse, away from people who could be hurt by me. That was how frightened and cowed I had become, and how sure that he must be right. My friends put sense back into me and I told him that this behaviour had to stop. He got really angry that I had "made him look mean" and said, "Well, at least now I am relieved from the pain of trying to decide whether to call you my girlfriend or not." And then we carried on being a couple in everything but in name. I wish I hadn't been such a walkover.

I know that my replacement doesn't know he and I were still involved when she got together with him, and even though at first I thought they might succeed (they live together, and that makes it easier to deal with his suspicious thinking - object permanence problems and paranoia come into play when his partner is away from him) but then I remember that a relationship built on a lie or a half-truth is pretty unlikely to last. And I am a pretty big thing for him to conceal from her. I feel sorry for her because she is probably going to end up devastated as well when the truth comes out. When I told a friend that he had discarded me for his flatmate, she said, "Ha, sensible people don't sh*t where they eat and sleep, that's just asking for karma to come and get you," and I think she may be right.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

My BPD ex replaced me seven times,  so thought only she knew,  at the time I just was waiting them out, actually see was keeping me as a toy to play with if the new toy became broken, most of these lasted a week to two months.  God i thought i was amazing each time she would come to me after each failed relationship, it was great for a few days, then she would feel guilty and honestly become delusional or cut herself because she couldn't deal with the guilt.  oh well.

[Herodias]

My BPD ex replaced me seven times,  so thought only she knew,  at the time I just was waiting them out, actually see was keeping me as a toy to play with if the new toy became broken, most of these lasted a week to two months.  God i thought i was amazing each time she would come to me after each failed relationship, it was great for a few days, then she would feel guilty and honestly become delusional or cut herself because she couldn't deal with the guilt.  oh well.

That's kinda how I felt when these little escapades would happen and he acted like the women were always after him and he would tell me once he couldn't handle it and I would run them off for him!  I knew he was feeling guilty about something when he would start cutting himself as well. It was usually when he was involved with someone else I am finding out now. Guilt and feeling like he failed me.

[SummerStorm]

Mine chose her boyfriend over me.  She told me that he was the reason she was alive and the reason she would keep fighting to stay alive.  She said she was going to fight to be the girl he deserved.  A few weeks later, she changed her Facebook profile pic and unlinked his name from hers in her relationship status (pretty sure it was because she was back on Tinder).  A few days later, they were linked again and had decided to move across the country.  A month later, she texted me to say that they had broken up.  I texted him and asked him about it, and all he would say is that there were "a lot of factors" that led to the break up. 

She's back on Tinder, and some guy I've never heard of liked her picture on Facebook a few weeks ago.  Her relationship status is listed as "single," so I have no idea who the guy is. 

We still talk, but it's about surface things and her hunt for an apartment.  And that's all I want to know about.   

[Auslaunder]

I think my replacement probably succeeded if success is measured by keeping the relationship together. My husband married a girl from the Deep South without any college education from a poor family  8 years younger than me. They had a child shortly after their shot gun marriage so I think she will put up with a lot to try to keep it together. My ex husband kept calling me after they were married so he told me she was monitoring his phone calls. He texted a lot of women lewd photos when we were married so I see her point, but I guess they were fighting some. After I divorced him he started drinking heavily again and got kicked out of the army and moved in with his parents. My ex mother in law is very abusive, also BPD. She threatened to shoot  me once. I don't feel inferior for not sticking around for all that.

[saintgrey]

  after a month, the new r/s is done.

[Mutt]

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