Hi saturated,
It appears no one on here has a exBPDs that they have to have contact with due to minor children? Is that correct?
I have S4, S7, D9 and shared custody.
How is that going? How are the children? What was the final straw for you to leave?
My ex displays traits of the BPD personality type, she's emotionally immature and is the same person that I met 10 years ago. She blames people and the world for her circumstances and choices.
I didn't know about personality disorders in our relationship and I knew that there was something off and I couldn't understand her logic. It was after she left that a family member had come forward and said that she has BPD. I was adopted after a few weeks when I was a baby and searched and met my biological mother in my early thirties months after I met my wife. My mother didn't want to lose me a second time because we didn't know each other, that's the reason why she didn't mention BPD although she was dropping clues in our talks together.
After the split I started looking in the internet researching and looking for help. I found bpdfamily and lurked this board for about a week and was reading the stories from members and saw how we shared alot of similar experiences and decided to join. I didn't feel like I was alone anymore.
That said, my ex having an affair in our marriage. I married her for better or for worse and I took my vows seriously. She crossed a boundary for me when she was having an emotional and physical affair; I can't trust her.
She left me for the other man and took our kids with her and was denying me reasonable access and I was concerned with her neglecting our kids because she was giving most of her attention to her boyfriend and neglecting S1, S5, D7 ( at the time )
She lacks personal boundaries and doesn't know where she ends and the other person begins, she's clingy with the kids and displays traits of narcissism. I filed for shared custody in court with non ambiguous language in our court order in black and white language, that way there's less chances for her read into something for opportunities to perpetuate conflict.
She had introduced her boyfriend to the kids three weeks after she had left and they were sleeping at each others homes and about a year later he moved in. We all went through a life event including my kids and they were all affected by it, they were wetting the beds, sad, depressed, anxious and clingy. It took time and I validate my kids feelings, spend as much time with them as I possibly can, they need a catchers mitt from the emotional fall-out from their mom at home. They have a calm home at my house, I give them attention and I'm present for them and I would say that today they are thriving.
I had to stop making things worse with conflict by learning about the disorder, depersonalizing her behaviors, learn that BPD is a shamed based disorder, set personal boundaries and limits, detach and get a court order for boundaries for both families and consequences with the courts if she wasn't abiding by the court appointed boundaries.
