recently contacted by my ex

[dylan71]

Well, after 6 years, I was recently contacted by the Vampire again…

My story… https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=86912

[saintgrey]

Well, after 6 years, I was recently contacted by the Vampire again... .

I was curious about the resurrection of this thread and  almost spilled my beverage in my laptop when i saw that after 6 years your vampire reach you, how did you reacted sir ?

[RecycledNoMore]

Wow! I read your story over a year ago when I was going through a traumatic BPD style breakup of my own,your writing style is amazing and inspirational,she contacted you? Wow! Id like to say Im surprised but my own ex BPD still trys to reach out and its been 2years now... .

I have no doubt that your ok and doing well,this is just another blip on this strange journey through BPD land,once again thanks for sharing your story.

[pallavirajsinghani]

What the &^%$... .

Good to hear from you my friend... .long time no see.  How are you doing?  How do you feel about her contacting you? 

:-)

[dylan71]

Well, yesterday definitely caught me off guard. For those of you that have read my story – you know what I was dealing with.

A lot has happened in the last few years. I moved from Chicago back home to Canada. I started working at a college in the very same engineering department I once graduated from. I’m on the educational side of things now, rather than working for a private firm in the industry.

My life has quieted down. I still remain single, although I go on a few dates here and there. However, if I ever come across any Borderline tendencies/red flags during a date – I usually don’t ask for a second one.

As far as the vampire goes- during the lowest points my divorce, I always used to ask if she would ever show up in my life again. My shrink had told me not to be surprised if she did.

Yesterday, I received a call from her at my workplace. How did she find out where I was? A general Google search, I suppose. My work title and contact info will show up for the college. I was shocked, and immediately felt a sense of uneasiness about the whole thing.

Last I heard of her – she had been dating some other guy before our divorce was finalized (I had been separated from her for almost a year). She told me yesterday that she became pregnant after 4 months of dating. She moved out to his hometown of Rockford, got remarried, and gave birth to a boy in 2011. Then she had a little girl in 2012.

Yesterday – she told me that her 2nd husband turned out to be an alcoholic psychopath and they are now separated. A second divorce is now pending.

I think she could’ve kept going, but I had to cut her off and tell her not to call me ever again. From what I can muster – she’s still the same old bundle of yuck. Desperate once again and no doubt on the hunt to find another poor sap.

So now I know……... Borderlines will come back. Maybe not all of them, but when their lives are falling apart?... .So glad I’m Free!

Hi Palla, nice to see you again. I’ll send you an email after work. Say hi to the family!

[jynx]

I want to just say Thank You for this read.  I know when I was "in", my head was spinning so fast I couldn't think coherently, and IDK, for the life of me, it was so crazy, that I don't think I could even tell anyone anything, because I couldn't think straight anymore.  I think even to this day his reality and my reality are intermingled.  If I wasn't keeping journals, (just to make sure that what I thought I remembered, is what I actually did hear, did experience) I would question my own sanity. 

I'm really happy that things are working out for you.  Really am sorry that she contacted you again. 

Just wishing you the best.

amy

PS - This thread should be a part of BPD 101.

[pallavirajsinghani]

Here is a nod to all of the Canada:

Just last night we happen to watch a movie called,  "The Great Seduction".  And I fell in love with Canada.

Dyl... .we are in the process of sending our oldest to college as we speak... .signing up for entrance exams etc... .waiting for the day when we can visit your part of the world.

In the meanwhile, if you are in a small town mood, come see us... .you know where we are.

:-)

[dylan71]

That is great news, Palla! I sent you a Private Message!

Thanks to all for the kind, recent comments.

I actually thought about all the people still dealing with a borderline in their life... .it's tough, but the bottom line is that you just have to proceed forward and do whatever it takes to protect yourself and stay healthy, both mentally, emotionally and physically.

With Alana's phone call coming out of the blue after SIX years of no contact, I was reminded of Al Pacino's famous line in the Godfather III:

"Just when I thought I was out... .they pull me back in."

[GaGrl]

Dylan, good to hear from you... .PM me.

[Michelle27]

Dylan, I need to thank you.  So many others have said it, but your narrative has helped me beyond belief.  Your descriptions of the events and how they made you feel were exactly what I experienced, other than the gender reversal. My head has understood BPD and the crazymaking behaviors for a long time, but how they make you feel can make your head spin and question every perspective.  Your writing confirms everything for me. I have spent about 5 days reading this entire 107 page thread and while there were moments it brought home some of the more horrible times, it was therapeutic to read.  If this book gets published, I will be first in line to buy it because I know people who haven't been through this can't wrap their heads around it.  Until my stbxh started cracking and showing some of the behaviors to others, even the most sympathetic of my friends I'm sure believed I was exaggerating what was going on.  Your writing explains it all.  Thanks for that. 

Much love from a fellow Canuck. :-)

Michelle

[fiveplus]

  Dylan,

       I am new here and I just happened on your post this morning at 10am. I've just gotten out of a warped, thought-we-could-do-this-but-somebodies-nuts-here marriage  and I was having a hard ... .no,  impossible time dealing with aftermath. The what ifs... .how could he... .maybe it's not REALLY over .

      I thought I was good and then,  BLAM, I'm sitting here checking emails every 10 minutes to see if he had sent anything. Pffft. Getting on my own nerves.

      So I came here and started reading these AMAZING posts that, IF I had literary talent,  I could have written MYSELF, and I just could not stop reading.  I have set here for 12 HOURS (with occasional bathroom break) and read every post ! My butt is soar, my cats are p***ed and I may never walk again. But I thought, "I have to reply to this person who was able so CLEARLY to help me realize some things that I needed to see in MY relationship".

     So I'm reading for hours and... .then I saw that the date of your post was 2009 and I figured , "Well heck, I can't tell him this now, but these stories helped me to understand (in my heart, not just my head) that the things that happen to us, and that happened to me, are something that we CAN get over and I am NOT responsible for the actions of others, and THEIR craziness(sorry) is not MY craziness."

   So when I came to the end of your posts, I was happy for myself that you were still in touch and that I could say thanks  (sorry for YOU that the darkness is still trying to capture your soul). That is one of the hardest things for me... .knowing that he is NOT going to suddenly be this person I want him to be, and still holding onto a TIIINY piece of hope that he will.

   Anyway, I am happy that you are OK, and your story seriously made me laugh and cry (and squirt soda out of my nose... .families, gotta love 'em).

     Thank you again for taking the time and effort to communicate your pain, confusion, happiness and heartache to others, so that they (we) will know they're not alone with this.

[GaGrl]

See, Dylan... .still a legacy.

[dylan71]

SaintGrey, RecycledNoMore, Jynx, Gagrl, Michelle27 and fiveplus,

Thanks to all of you for your comments.

I'm glad to hear that even after 5+ years, my story has been able to benefit you in some, small way.

I remember finding this website and what a huge help it was for me. I remember finding out about BPD and posting on BPD family as suggested by my psychologist at the time. I wasn't even divorced yet.

As soon as I started writing - it just all came out, and it took me over a year to tell the story. I've met many wonderful people on this site and will continue to post from time to time.

I'm a much different, and happier person now - even though when I was in the thick of it with my ex-wife, I thought at times that my life was coming to an end. It gets better once you do what it takes to keep yourself happy and safe- no matter what the outcome is regarding your relationship or marriage.

Incidentally, after I finished posting my story (it turned out to be about 800 pages of material)... .I did try to convert it to a book. I edited and edited, cut it down to about 250 pages and approached over 50 agencies. A handful were interested, but nothing ever came of it after they read my short, initial submittal.

What's so funny is that many agents did respond and told me that it wasn't what today's readers want, and that the market for real-life stories/experiences about someone living with a BPD'd individual was way too touchy of a "publish-worthy" subject. Interesting. I still have my cleaned up manuscript and maybe someday I'll try again, but for now - I'm just chillin'

[almostmarried]

Hello Dylan... .greetings from Germany! YOUR story is MY story... .YOUR story is OUR story! I finished reading your thread today... .WOW! Sometimes I felt like I was INSIDE of all of this... .because I´ve been in "Borderline-Country",too. And I survived... .I wish you all the best!

[rotiroti]

Wow what an update Dylan,

Your story was that little push that made me register and to share my story 3 months ago. Great to hear that you were unphased and kept your boundaries. Congratulations on joining the world of academia!

-Neveragainthanks

ps Rockford? yuck.

[dylan71]

Yeah... Rockford ... .my thoughts exactly.