Hi jw46810,
I'm sorry to hear that. A break-up with a person that suffers from BPD is often confusing and painful . Some and not all pwBPD will act out with intense anger at the end of the r/s and have a smear campaign. I can relate.
Im just really confused as she was settling and then she just turned left and decided to do things the hard way and destroy us.
At the center of the disorder is a narcissistic wound, abandonment fears, the core wound of abandonment. A deep fear of abandonment perceived or real. A pwBPD fear rejection and fear being alone and may impulsively self-sabotage to protect against anxiety with being alone.
It sounds like her abandonment fears were triggered. I triggered my ex wife when I said I wanted a divorce ( I didn't know that she had BPD traits ) it was scorched earth and she told her friends and family that I was abusive.