"I'm begging on bended knee". What is your favourite BPD phrase? ~

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Classic sms from my stb ex wife.

What are your classic quotes?

She has caused absolute mayhem in our lives and now apparently she is "begging on bended knee" for more money. Of course when it doesn't work she will revert to bogus DV charges and screaming at me.

BPD 101. I'm looking forward to final divorce when i hand all her problems back to her

[Moselle]

Classic sms from my stb ex wife.

What are your classic quotes?

She has caused absolute mayhem in our lives and now apparently she is "begging on bended knee" for more money. Of course when it doesn't work she will revert to bogus DV charges and screaming at me.

BPD 101. I'm looking forward to final divorce when i hand all her problems back to her

[momtara]

"I never said that"

"You're twisting my words"

[ForeverDad]

Ex would regularly rant and rage in preschooler's presence.  I expressed concern at how son was reacting to being exposed to them.  Her typical blame shifting response:  "You made me do it!"

As marriage was on the verge of implosion:  "He's okay."

[DestroyedKnight]

"I love you but I am not in love with you"

"I will always love you"-- weeks after saying that

"I don't know if I love you or I hate you"

"stop stalking me or I will get the police on you"

"I am talking to a guy online,but he's gay" haha yeah right,this was the new love of her life which she has written down lots of messed up stuff about in a note book she had

"I know there is something wrong and I intend to get it sorted,but let me deal with it in my own way". "I have seen a doctor and they told me to speak with my mother because they believe that is where alot of the problems lie" as if a doctor would say that

logged into facebook a couple of weeks back to find a message from a totally random name with no profile photo saying "your ex is f***ing your so called mate,that must sting a bit fella" no prizes for guessing who wrote that

there are so many i could write I could write a best selling novel 

so glad right now to be off the rollercoaster

[momtara]

Knight, my heart breaks for you. To hear those things from someone you love is so confusing. I think all of them are true. Part of her loves you ... .and part of her doesn't ... .and she has an illness and emotions that just don't make sense. This is a very cruel illness, as I've said before and said again. I'm glad you've recovered from the rollercoaster. It's just madness and so hurtful to all of us.

[DestroyedKnight]

Knight, my heart breaks for you. To hear those things from someone you love is so confusing. I think all of them are true. Part of her loves you ... .and part of her doesn't ... .and she has an illness and emotions that just don't make sense. This is a very cruel illness, as I've said before and said again. I'm glad you've recovered from the rollercoaster. It's just madness and so hurtful to all of us.

Thanks momtara,my heart already broke around a year ago and I was so caught in the fog my head was a complete mess,She was kissing me and having sex with me all whilst she was posting on facebook some very nasty hurtful things.Right now I have what only can be described as calm,I am seeing my children on a regular basis,they are with me at this moment and her behavior has calmed down (for now).Found out from her that she is moving even closer to me,just around the corner from where I live so not sure if a storm is brewing but only time will tell.I am quite enjoying my independence and being single right now.A 9 year relationship full of insane jealousy and accusations and being on benefits for fear of her reaction to now being in full time employment and coming home not having to answer to anyone but myself.Absolute bliss :D

[Moselle]

Thanks for your comments folks.

"You made me do it". That's a winner. 

Destroyed Knight, you've got a lot on your plate there. Sorry to hear how tough that must have been!

Another favourite of my wife's:

"I'm the best thing that ever happened to you". Well... .really?

Oh the joys.

[ForeverDad]

The relationship became more dysfunctional as it neared the End.

So much of what they shout as though it were all FACT are simply their intense emotion-packed FEELINGS.  Mine even verbally beat me over the head claiming she felt like my prostitute and so she demanded to be paid.  I almost answered, For what?

My ex literally used the word sex but I always viewed it as love, that was the chasm between us.  It hurt back then, but my ex too used sexx as a four-letter weapon, leading me on with "Tonight... ." but somehow during the day either she got mad at me or she did something that just turned me off.  So intimacy became very rare (after our son was born).  Toward the end she made it all about the conflict.  I recall one rage where she vented, "I feel like a prostitute, I should get paid!"  I remember thinking to myself, "Then you sure won't earn much."

[Moselle]

ForeverDad,

That's hilarious "You sure won't earn much"

Mine offered to massage me once if I paid her. I declined for similar reasons. I don't think she would have earned much as a professional masseuse either

[DestroyedKnight]

The relationship became more dysfunctional as it neared the End.

So much of what they shout as though it were all FACT are simply their intense emotion-packed FEELINGS.  Mine even verbally beat me over the head claiming she felt like my prostitute and so she demanded to be paid.  I almost answered, For what?

My ex literally used the word sex but I always viewed it as love, that was the chasm between us.  It hurt back then, but my ex too used sexx as a four-letter weapon, leading me on with "Tonight... ." but somehow during the day either she got mad at me or she did something that just turned me off.  So intimacy became very rare (after our son was born).  Toward the end she made it all about the conflict.  I recall one rage where she vented, "I feel like a prostitute, I should get paid!"  I remember thinking to myself, "Then you sure won't earn much."

I can relate totally to this ForeverDad.My ex never ever said "making love" and I told her numerous times that it felt like I had to book an appointment in the diary for her to lie back and think of fairies . it got to a stage where she would literally tell me to go upstairs and get the duvet and bring it down,she would be washing dishes and then stripped off and got down to it.what a turn off.I was also made to feel like a sex pest and like I was totally wrong to want a sex life.Since the split she started acting like a complete slapper posting stuff about being gagged and allsorts of pornographic material,haha if only these people she is playing up to knew the real her

[rarsweet]

" people don't know the real me"( oh no they really do)

"If people got to know me without asking questions they would see who I really am"( Don't ask me about anything that took place more than 5 minutes ago)

"You are the only person in the world who doesn't laugh at all my jokes"( he is like a child with no responsibilities)

" I can be at your side in your time of need"( I don't need ___ from him)

"you should try it" (anything he says he does)

"I started working at a young age"( 36 now and pretty much jobless since 21 and now homeless)

"so and so loves me to death"(haven't spoken to them in ten years though)

"I'm not that kind of guy"( when I told him to look for a 1 bedroom apartment, he would rather sleep on couches for free than pay for a small apartment of his own)

"She really doesn't like me, she is supposed to be nicer"(the lady at the unemployment office)

" I fudged some of my job search log, but I did it honestly and conservatively, I didn't lie and say I applied at McDonald's when I didn't, I just wrote down some friends who have businesses"

" I wouldn't mind working at Walmart if I could be a manager"( absolutely no experience or education)

"Hope your day is going well"(an excuse to text)

"these pants are getting tight, does this make me look fat, I need a haircut, etc, etc"( talks about his weight constantly)

"daughter really looks up to me"( Ya because he is  taller than her, what little girl wants a jobless, homeless, friendless, dad living in his truck who has a panic attack at toddler story time at the library because he gets mad when other dads asks what he does for a living and he has nothing to say?)

"everyone gives up on me"( yup we get tired)

" I just need a big break"( how bout making a big break happen)

"she will be a good mentor on my life journey"(, 36 years old)

"she would be someone I could invite if I got married" (the other unemployment lady)

" I've known ever since I was born I was lucky, someday I will win the lottery"

" Someday when I am successful I will have a big house, a boat in the backyard, travel anywhere I want... ." I ask " how are you gonna get those things?" The answer" Duh Rarsweet all you have to do is keep wanting, you never stop wanting and it will happen"

[stacma04]

Before my exBPDbf went and married my replacement he would say.

"I just don't know why I tense up, I don't know why I get anxiety with you"

You need to move on, I can never commit to you( this was said quite a few times. Although now I actually have moved on and so has he, now that he is engaged)...

[HopefulDad]

"#### you!"

"You are such an #######!"

These were by far my favorites, especially when yelled in front of our children.

... .

Had a guys weekend recently, filled in several of them I hadn't spoken to at length in quite some time about my divorce, and one of them asked, "So, when are you having your divorce party?"  My response:

"Every effin day."

Every day is a party compared to hearing that garbage spewed at me that I wrote above.

[nonbpdis-m]

BPDGF classic 'painted black' quotes:

''All these problems are caused by YOU not listening!''

''You do NOTHING i do absolutely everything you're taking the pi$$ OUTA ME!''

''Look what you are doing to the kids, i hope you are proud of yourself!''

''You C--t, c--t C-------T!''

''You don't give a sh-- about me you only care about yourself! You're a selfish c--t!''

''You better get back here now or I'm calling the police'' (I went to the shop with her bank card to get her cigarettes but apparently took too long)

''why don't you go and f--k one of your exes seeing as you love them so much''

... .

BUT then magically I'm the best thing since sliced bread again ( 'painted white':

''you're the best thing that's ever happened to me''

''there's nothing I would change about you, you're perfect''

''you're such a good dad and you're good around the house thank you''

''i've never loved anyone like i love you''

Seriously What the heck... .Help... .

[Mutt]

I have been self protecting by reducing contact from full contact to minimal contact in recent weeks. I'm slowly being split white and it's been difficult validating some of her requests.

For example, my youngest recently had his birthday and she asked if we could celebrate the kids birthdays with both families and suggested we go to a restaurant. I didn't give her a response because we're two separate families and I'm not comfortable with what message that would send to the kids with her boyfriend that she had an affair with and broke-up our home. I worry because she doesn't seem to understand where one person begins and another one ends and I don't want our families enmeshed but as separate identities. I have been defending my boundaries.

She sent me a volatile email calling me the c word and that I was a crazy and controlling father, it was projections. She sent an email three weeks after having sent that one saying the opposite and that I was doing a good job as a father and single parent. Granted it has been some time since I witnessed her borderline rage and it reminded me how quickly she can change and how rigid her thought patterns are with all or nothing thinking.

[ForeverDad]

What is it with women calling us, clearly male, a c**t or a b***h?  My ex often called me a b***h during her rants and rages and it would dumbfound me why she chose female slang/curse terms?  Why flip the gender?  Was it just to demean, emotionally crush and disrespect me?

Oh, disrespect, that reminds me, she would scream, "You don't respect me!"

[SGraham]

On a few occasions i got "you don't want a crazy btch like me for a girlfriend".

[CharWood]

Oh wowwwww... .I got a 4 year long list of her BPD phrases:


"You make me act this way"

"you are the one who needs therapy"

"you have the anger problems not me"

"I care about you but I lost my feelings for you"

"I haven't loved you for a long time... maybe I never really did to begin with" (then later on says she has never loved anyone like she has loved me before... .

"you made me lose my attraction to you... .(5 minutes later says something inappropriate or checks me out hardcore)

"someday you will find someone better than me"

"I hate being in crowds because I feel like everyone looks at me and judges me"

"why are you ignoring me (... after being on her phone most of the time herself)"

"I need your help!... please do it for me"

my gosh, she is an exhausting little misery ball... .do not know why I still even care. she drives me nuts.

This is the best one: "Im getting my stuff and moving out if you ____fill in the blank____"

[DestroyedKnight]

since SHE split with me,she has twisted reality so much it almost drove me insane.I do feel some days like I am trying to make sense of it all still but I give it up as it is futile to make sense of nonsense.

I was blacker than black,she called me foul disgusting names,I was the worst father ever,she wasted 9 years of her life with me etc etc yada yada

Now all of a sudden even though we are in very low contact when I drop the children off with her she will ask me if I remember a certain thing from when we were together and she will be ever so charming ( I am not falling for it anymore). I told her weeks ago that her mask has fallen off and I can see right through her now.

Months ago she was calling me a crap father and rubbing my nose in it that she has met someone else on the internet,then one week she asks me to go shopping with her and ends up buying me a fathers day present from the kids (a superdad outfit,complete with cape and the undies to go with it) .

Hinted at buying me the new Manchester United t shirt for my birthday,now why on earth would you want to do that for someone you supposedly hate?

Still doesn't stop her joining groups on facebook called 'don't think you're special,my ex will f**k anything'

I am very happily single 

[Tangy]

"You know how much I love you right" to "we just shouldn't talk anymore"

"I'm moving out" to "I love you never forget"

"I'm so glad I stuck around to realize how much I love you and I'm glad I didn't give up" to "I don't remember saying that, I want to leave you, why won't you just let me leave you"

Down on one knee proposing to "I wont make a good husband or father, I think I made a mistake"

Getting back together planning a wedding "nothing will ever come between us again, no more pain, you're the one for me and I love with all of my heart" to "you get in my way, I want to be with her because she's new and it's not serious, and you get in the way"

I could go on... .but I think you can see the pattern.

[hopealways]

"I think I need to know that I really lost you to realize that you are all I ever wanted."

[Moselle]

And today's joyful message:

"You lost her. And now she lights up the night-time sky for her new lover. Cause he recognised her as the moon. And you envy him. She could have been your moon, but you were too busy chasing the dimly lit stars"

My response:

"He can have the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and all of your disorders if he so chooses. You told me you were the "best thing that ever happened to me" Keep smokin that cheap stuff xxx"

Will you be telling the lucky guy the same thing?

[rotiroti]

What is it with women calling us, clearly male, a c**t or a b***h?  My ex often called me a b***h during her rants and rages and it would dumbfound me why she chose female slang/curse terms?  Why flip the gender?  Was it just to demean, emotionally crush and disrespect me?

Oh, disrespect, that reminds me, she would scream, "You don't respect me!"

Good to see you over here ForeverDad --

thanks for bringing the laughs at work today! your posts are hitting too close to home. I can't help but laugh... .

[joeramabeme]

Asking BPD Spouse to continue marriage counseling with me to resolve our problems; "Why bother, all we do is talk about you"

She moved out and we split furnishings.  She came by the house the other day and told me she was going to sell stuff that I had been using; "I am going to sell your furniture but thought I would be nice and ask you if you want to buy it first before I list it, I will give you a discount"  

[Tay25]

"I feel like I like you more then you like me"

"You need to change"

[ReneeMurphy523]

"I meant it at the time."----referring to when he said "I love you," only three weeks earlier.  "I meant it at the time," was a re-occuring thing for a lot of things said :-/

"I just said that to see how you would react."

Personal fav, "My strength is my emotional intelligence.  I am an empath."  This was said only two hours before he told me, "I think you have stronger feelings for me, than I do you.  I don't love you."---After he begged me to come back into his life.

Very hurtful, but comical that it is so self-delusional.

[balletomane]

"You are being way more aggressive than I'm willing to put up with" - when I was in floods of tears over him replacing me with no warning when we were still romantically involved. All I had said was, "I don't know how I can cope with this but I will have to find a way," to which he had responded angrily, "I don't give a sh*t if you can cope or not." But I was the one being aggressive?

There are other things (especially his idea that me being anything other than happy for him and his new relationship was "emotional extortion" but I don't think writing about them will help me. Remembering that "I don't give a sh*t" and the accusation of aggression when I was crying and feeling utterly broken makes me feel worse.

[Tangy]

"I meant it at the time."----referring to when he said "I love you," only three weeks earlier.  "I meant it at the time," was a re-occuring thing for a lot of things said :-/

WOW were we with the same person? Lol. Mine even did that about the proposal... .ahh I meant it at the time... .I meant it to drive to your dads and to size your ring as a surprise and to order a super sentimental engagement ring... .meh... .I meant it at the time... .

LOL

Let me add a few more:

"You're dumb... .because you're with me"

I used to think that was self loathing on his part... .and in a way I still think that but with hindsight I almost feel like he was putting me down for taking him back... .ouch.

"I can't be who you need me to be" his favorite... .especially since he never asked me what I needed him to be. He just decided for me.

[Margarita]

My favourite -

fat c**t love that one will always stick with me.

Oh & another "you'll have nothing without me"

Such beautiful terms of endearment.

[Margarita]

Tangy

I get that one all the time...

"I can't be who you want me to be" dude I just want you to be you! And be happy with it!