I know he is bad for me but i can't seem to break the bond

[hollycat]

I married a man I knew was troubled. I thought I could help him. I guess we all thought that. We got married 2 years ago, August 2013.  I bought an old, historic house before we got married. I love old things, even though he did not. He would want to know "why do you like all that old broken crap?"  He said he could do anything I wanted to the house. I thought it would be our home.

I know you all can guess the outcome. Very little done. Our living conditions were outrageous and he didn't seem to care we cooked on a 2 burner hot plate for 2 years and the main toilet did not flush. While I was busting my ass working 3 jobs, he sat on his ass all day and all night in front of the computer and complained I was being abusive and neglectful by not being home more with him. Oh, it gets much, much worse. He despised me for working, yet enjoyed $20 steak dinners without even a thank you.

To make a very long story short, the kiss of death came when he got mad at me for, in his eyes, being resistant to writing an ebook and/or starting a business which would bring in plenty of income for me to be able to be at his side 24/7.  Although I reassured him till I was blue in the face, that in fact, if I could think of a viable business, I would be more than happy to start it up, I couldn't. I enjoy teaching.  So, one night, while I was being lectured about writing an ebook and I said I didn't want to write a book about my former occupation (child support attorney), he just started to yell, "All you say is no, don't can't won't."

I went to bed and the next morning, when I rolled over to kiss him and snuggle, he jumped out of bed like I had scalded him and asked: What are you doing? We exchanged words of course and I cried.  He returned to the computer and I went to him.  He said, " I don't want to be here" and then, "I am in HELL!" So I looked him straight in the eye and said, " I don't want you here either."

HELL being we live in Florida, 3 miles from the beach and his financial needs covered. Plus a woman who loved him very much. HELL

I left to go to work and when I returned home, we were not talking. Again, the silent treatment from him. We argued over the course of a couple days. (This was happening in June while school was out. I have a retail job).  Finally, finally, I asked, what are your plans and he told me to get out of my own house. I said NO. We argued and we were sitting down. I was drinking water from a bottle. He said something to me, I will never remember what it was, and I lost my temper and tossed some water at him.  It hit his shoulder. The water, not the bottle. Well, he went ballistic and got in my face, screamed: You will never abuse me again and then he proceeded to punch the refrigerator.  Said: You will never teach again, I will have you arrested for assault.  And then he called the police.

Nothing happened. The police showed up and asked me to leave for a while to let things simmer down. Asked me to leave my own house. When I returned, I was afraid to be near him for fear of the untrue things he would say about me.  He had long hair and a long beard and had shaved them off that morning because he said I pulled his hair.  He distorts and lies and grossly exaggerates EVERYTHING.  Once I asked him if his finger was exhausted from pointing at me all the time.

Anyway, his mother texted me he was having a meltdown and I said, of course he is. I am too. She bought him a plane ticket and that night I took him to the airport and got him a hotel room and drove home.  My friends say I am lucky to be rid of him.

He has broken my heart. His text messages have been unbelievably hateful.  I went from being a goddess to a lying despicable thief.  I talked to his estranged brother a few nights ago, for almost 2 hours. Came to find out he has lied to me about everything and even things worse than I could ever have imagined.

I am devastated and fear I will never be able to trust another man. Fear I will never find desire for another relationship.

Help

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