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BPDFamily.com
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
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Mutual friends with ex=anxiety
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Topic: Mutual friends with ex=anxiety (Read 395 times)
ReneeMurphy523
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 24
Mutual friends with ex=anxiety
«
on:
September 25, 2015, 10:10:12 PM »
Hello,
So I sent a party invite to a handful of mutual friends/co-workers. Even though, I have nothing to be ashamed of/scared of... .it's scares me. I don't think they judge me based on him, but seeing people that are still actively involved in his life creeps me out.
On the other hand, I do not want to sacrifice these people cause of him. That is not fair to me. I worry, due to my people pleasing habits, that they do judge me and don't like me cause of him and maybe what he may have said about me. Does anyone else feel this way?
I also get in the mindset of my ex-he uses and manipulates people a lot, so I worry he ( I should not be worried about what he thinks, obviously), but also his cohorts will think I am inviting these people to get them on "my side." I really don't want this.
I just want to maintain the relationships I have with these people, cause I do geniunely like them. In the grand scheme of things, I really just do want to move on, and not have my name associated with him anymore. I want our mutual friends to see my as a seperate entity. And yes, I'll say it!---- a strong, cool, awesome woman apart from him, that did not let his BS affect me----
Can anyone else share their experiences with mutual friends/acquaintances with the ex? How did you handle this? How did they react?
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blissful_camper
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 611
Re: Mutual friends with ex=anxiety
«
Reply #1 on:
September 25, 2015, 10:16:48 PM »
In a group setting such as the one you're describing, your friends are the ones who respect the privacy of both you and your ex. Chin up, no matter what. Just be you and be gracious.
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blissful_camper
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 611
Re: Mutual friends with ex=anxiety
«
Reply #2 on:
September 25, 2015, 10:21:40 PM »
Quote from: blissful_camper on September 25, 2015, 10:16:48 PM
In a group setting such as the one you're describing, your friends are the ones who respect the privacy of both you and your ex. Chin up, no matter what. Just be you and be gracious.
Edited to add this thought: If you find yourself at the receiving end of personal questions about your relationship or your ex, you may wish to politely express something along the lines of "my ex has a right to privacy." Should the person continue to press, you could say something like, "You're asking me to overstep a personal boundary. It's not fair to discuss [insert ex's name] when he's not present."
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ReneeMurphy523
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 24
Re: Mutual friends with ex=anxiety
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Reply #3 on:
September 25, 2015, 10:55:57 PM »
I guess what makes me really feel awkward about this is my exBPDbf is now seeing another co-worker. (I used to work with him, too). I know what is going on, so nothing will really be shocking, but another added layer... .
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