Broke N.C told her I know about her disorder and that she needed help.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

And when I went to send it, I was blocked by messenger and it wouldn't let me send it! THANK YOU! I hit send and instantly regretted my choice and the universe saved me. So thankful. So very thankful... .DONT DO IT PEOPLE!

[toddinrochester]

And when I went to send it, I was blocked by messenger and it wouldn't let me send it! THANK YOU! I hit send and instantly regretted my choice and the universe saved me. So thankful. So very thankful... .DONT DO IT PEOPLE!

[enlighten me]

Its amazing what can happen to save us from doing something.

I can understand you wanting to tell her but a lot of the time it isn't received well. The normal reaction is that it makes them believe that you are the crazy one. Imagine how you would feel if she had sent the message to you?

[toddinrochester]

I am pretty sure she knows it. She often would reference "You don't know how messed up I really am". I am just glad it didn't send and I learned a great lesson today. I will not be reaching out to her because I immediately felt like it was a mistake.

[balletomane]

I am pretty sure she knows it. She often would reference "You don't know how messed up I really am". I am just glad it didn't send and I learned a great lesson today. I will not be reaching out to her because I immediately felt like it was a mistake.

I'm glad your messenger saved the day for you.   Just to add something here - her saying things like that doesn't mean that she knows she has BPD or that she would be open to hearing about it. My ex, who was diagnosed with a personality disorder, sometimes used to say "I'm broken" or "I'm so ill," but if I tried to talk about specific BPD traits and difficulties he was experiencing (without even mentioning the psychiatrist's diagnosis) he would immediately become hostile and start insisting that I was the one who did those things. Awareness of not being well and insight into the nature of the problem are two different things, unfortunately. I also don't think an ex is the right person to try and give help on this. That looks like rescuing behaviour to me. I struggle with it myself, but ultimately I had to learn that the only person who can help my ex right now is my ex.

[toddinrochester]

Good call. I am just thankful the message did not go through and I am okay now and not tempted. The instant regret I felt after hitting send was enough to keep me from doing this again. I miss her. I still love her and this still hurts everyday. Its getting less and less and I am coping well and almost back into my normal schedule again. This would have been a set back.

[Gonzalo]

I agree with Balletomane - my ex- would often talk about being 'messed up' or 'broken' in some way, but thought it was just PTSD and depression. Despite evidence to the contrary, she was convinced that she had it under control, and was convinced that my anxiety and communication skills were the real cause of trouble in our relationship. (She had enough therapy language to say that it was only 20% her, so she was really saying 'no real problem' but couching it in 'we both have issues'. When I would talk about her issues and the idea of her getting therapy, she would get angry. After the last breakup I even offered to get back together if she would admit that she had a major issue and get therapy for it, but she just thought I was being manipulative.

[toddinrochester]

Mine has two therapists. Both are not helping much because they obviously are not tackling this issue. Most therapists from what I can read and one that I personally know run from BPD as it is incredibly tough to diagnose and work on. She called it "A therapists nightmare". I hate the feeling of caring about someone that has so quickly forgotten about you. I think that gets me the most. I just want her better. But thats a selfish reason in reality because I want her better so that we can have that dream life we talked about that wasn't reality. I have to come to terms with this. I have a date tonight and I am so curious as to all the emotions that I will feel. I am not ready yet for a relationship but this is with an incredibly cute girl that I met before my exwBPD and I kind of blew her off. Because the ex wpbd was my dream come true.

I hope I am able to make it through coffee and be someone my funny self. I seem to have lost that part of me lately. I will update what happens. It won't be until tonight.

[thisagain]

I agree with Balletomane - my ex- would often talk about being 'messed up' or 'broken' in some way, but thought it was just PTSD and depression. Despite evidence to the contrary, she was convinced that she had it under control, and was convinced that my anxiety and communication skills were the real cause of trouble in our relationship. (She had enough therapy language to say that it was only 20% her, so she was really saying 'no real problem' but couching it in 'we both have issues'. When I would talk about her issues and the idea of her getting therapy, she would get angry. After the last breakup I even offered to get back together if she would admit that she had a major issue and get therapy for it, but she just thought I was being manipulative.

Same here, except my ex seems to think I have BPD (at least she accuses me of making her "walk on eggshells" a lot). She used to at least acknowledge that her "PTSD" caused problems in our relationship, but then the guilt over how much she'd hurt me got to be too much, and she started rewriting history to make it so I deserved all of it and I was the abusive one.

Now she's saying we both have issues and she's gotten hers under control so now it's my turn. The defense mechanisms are so deeply ingrained that she can tell me she's not mentally ill, she just has well-controlled mild PTSD and I am in denial about my own severe problems---even when she is in the psych ER and about to flunk out of her fourth attempt at grad school since I've known her (during which time I graduated professional school, got a job, and maintained many positive friendships). I know there is such thing as a high functioning BPD but still, you'd think she'd be able to see that objectively she is much less stable or functional.

[seang]

I was not so lucky, or maybe i was.  Either way, i did exactly the same, and it DID go through!  Hey ho, Im kinda glad i got it off my chest.  Although its been all thrown back at me, and Im the mad, delusional, narscistic one!  I need to see a therapist apparently.

Oh, and the anger was knotched up a level or two as well.  Or maybe thats got something to do with me taking her to court! 

[cyclistIII]

This discussion of self-awareness is interesting -- I was just thinking about that this morning, since my guy seemed to have some self-awareness about his problem too, but I don't think he's ready to face it full on, or ever will be. Helpful to know that other partners also showed similar self-awareness (mostly because it removes that fact as a glimmer of hope for me, or as a "but maybe my guy is the *exception*... ." sort of thing... .)

[toddinrochester]

Hey Cyclist. I think after all the anger and frustration settles and you read about it. You can't but help to perform a self evaluation. I realize that I own at least half of this pain. I am co-dependent and I need to work on that. I also wanted so badly to fall in love with someone and be loved that I fueled the fire. Like a homing beacon for someone with BPD. I found exactly what I was looking for. I struggle with this all. I read the co-dependancy stuff on the CoDA website and I question if she was BPD or we were both just two co-dependents that found each other. Then I read posts on here and the story is exactly the same as mine. That grounds me in what happened. The struggle is real.