Feeling like a sucker today

[Bigmd]

While I have made a ton of progress the last two months , I can't help feeling duped. I left my wife for my exgf. And while she never wanted me to admit it , she was the number one reason for my divorce. So now here I sit alone still wondering what the heck happened. My ex wife has moved on and is happy and getting married on Friday . We still talk and are amicable because of my 9yo daughter . I can't help but think she is probably enjoying this .

[Heldfast]

Ok, so you've admitted it to yourself, what we all know about our exes, or at least highly suspect. We were duped. That doesn't mean your ex wife doesn't deserve her happiness. Nor does it mean you don't deserve to move on with your life and be happy. Do what gets you there. You're not alone in this.

[Mutt]

While I have made a ton of progress the last two months , I can't help feeling duped. I left my wife for my exgf. And while she never wanted me to admit it , she was the number one reason for my divorce.So now here I sit alone still wondering what the heck happened. My ex wife has moved on and is happy and getting married on Friday . We still talk and are amicable because of my 9yo daughter . I can't help but think she is probably enjoying this .

Hi Bigmd,

A relationship takes two people, it's 50 / 50.

What do you mean that she's going to enjoy this? It sounds like you didn't want the divorce?

[Bigmd]

Well what I meant is I left because I fell in love with her . I wanted the divorce. I just meant my ex wife is probably thinking "serves you right"

[Mutt]

Well what I meant is I left because I fell in love with her . I wanted the divorce. I just meant my ex wife is probably thinking "serves you right"

Do you mean that you left your wife for an exgf , you fell in love with your exgf, things didn't work out with your exgf or your not happy and your ex wife is happily getting married to somebody else?

[Bigmd]

Yes! Thank you. Feeling a little betrayed by exgf.

[toddinrochester]

Which one was BPD Big? Ex wife or Exgf?

[Mutt]

Yes! Thank you. Feeling a little betrayed by exgf.

And while she never wanted me to admit it , she was the number one reason for my divorce.

Where do you fit in all of this?

I hear that you're betrayed by your egf and your ex wife was the number reason for your divorce.

What things have you learned in the last couple of months?

[Bigmd]

Ok let me clear this up . After affair with my bp exgf , I finally got divorced.  I was in love with exgf. It was what me and exgf wanted. Now 1.5 years later she dumped me. My ex wife however is happy and getting remarried this week.

[Heldfast]

Yes, I got it from the start. I am glad to hear your ex wife is moving on with her life, and if she has a touch of schadenfreude at your breakup, so be it. Again, go on for yourself, pursue what lessons you need so that you don't get duped again, and can go on living a life in pursuit of a truer happiness.

[Bigmd]

Thanks heldfast, I'm trying but as everyone knows it's hard. I have however met someone. I'm not really sure what's gonna happen. We have been out 3x already and she is definately a cool girl. Just gonna take it day by day.

[toddinrochester]

Regret is the worst. I think its because its the point that we realize we had choices. We made the wrong one. Now we regret. I am back on dating sites again and starting to try and feel somewhat normal. I added a line to my profile "Be slow in giving your heart to someone and be slow in taking theirs". Thats the summary of what I learned in all of this. In one quick sentence.

And I am hoping that I used the correct their... .=)

[Bigmd]

I'm not really regretting anything. Just still in shock the way things turned out. Come the holidays we were supposed to be engaged and in one house the new year. Truly been a crazy few months. I've been dating but haven't felt anything till this most recent girl. But as I told my T, I'm kinda scared . Not sure how to handle. I'm definately still hurt and feel kinda damaged .

[toddinrochester]

I feel you. I thought I would be married in this coming up year and kids. Something that I didn't want with anyone else but her. Weird how things end up. I feel you... .

[Bigmd]

Yea me too. I was looking forward to marrying her. Not sure if I will feel same way about anyone else. She has two kids and can't have anymore. So didn't have to worry bout that.

[Mutt]

Ok let me clear this up . After affair with my bp exgf , I finally got divorced.  I was in love with exgf. It was what me and exgf wanted. Now 1.5 years later she dumped me. My ex wife however is happy and getting remarried this week.

if she has a touch of schadenfreude at your breakup, so be it.

What sorts of things where you thinking about when you got married? Was it a busy period in your life getting things organized, where you feeling nervous, stress, happy celebrating with family? Were you thinking about exes on your honeymoon?

It sounds like you made a decision with somebody that made you happy because somebody else wasn't making you happy and you feel duped today. Have you thought about who's responsible for your happiness? You don't find happiness in somebody else, you find happiness in yourself.

[toddinrochester]

I am sure you will feel that again. Even though right now I know where I am mentally. It is in my heart to love again and to get married again. Kids? Maybe, but in my heart of hearts I know that I will light up with love, with the right person. So will you. You are not defeated. You are simply re-centering yourself right now. Big, You will get married again to the woman of your dreams and here is my deal with you. I am going to invite you to my wedding and you are going to invite me to yours. Its going to happen. Cant wait to meet you in person.

[Bigmd]

Haha Todd that's a deal thanks. Mutt , when I got married 10 years ago I was happy. Things did change though . We had my daughter and things changed. I take total responsibility for what I did. As we all know BPD relationships are intense , especially sexually . I definately got caught up. Nonetheless we both fell in love. Now that I look back the BPD red flags were a plenty. Holding it against me that I was still married . Going out with other guys because she wasn't obligated to me , etc. while I know I am responsible for my happiness , the feelings of being happy with my exgf are still all too familiar. So much so that sometimes I hope for a recycle.