It never came. He apologised. He also didn't make excuses the way my ex would have done (in the best-case scenario, assuming he didn't just get aggressive). He actually said, "I've been remiss." He suggested regular times in the week when we can phone each other.
I'm sitting here stunned. I was upset with an old school friend, I told my friend why, and rather than turning on me and making the whole problem about me, he just said sorry and offered ways to make it better.
In my relationship with my BPD ex I forgot how normal interactions are supposed to work. Telling people when they've done something to bother me has never been easy for me, but after that relationship I became positively terrified of it - doing so was never worth the consequences with my ex, and I suppose I've been conditioned to think that other people will react as he would. Today I took a brave step and found out they don't.
Thank you for sharing this story about taking a risk to express your feelings in a relationship. I am slowly learning, as it sounds like you are too, that this is what real intimacy is about - neither blaming others nor blaming/punishing self, but sharing the vulnerable feelings, and making requests to have our needs met.
It sounds like it was a positive learning experience for you, to do this, fear the worst (legitimately, based on your past experiences) and discover that your friend responded in a way that increases emotional intimacy. I have to point out, too, and you may know this already... .that had he gotten hostile or defensive... .if someone responds to you that way, that's about their level of emotional maturity, not yours?
Yes, it's true that there are ways we can ask that make it easier for others to hear us (I mention Nonviolent Communication a lot) but the burden of "doing it right" isn't all on you. There's at least one other person in all of your interactions.
