My Borderline Mother

[pookielocks]

i'm 38 and just went on a "vacation" with my borderline mother and her sister. i can't even count the number of adult temper tantrums i witnessed and had to deal with. it was like dealing with a toddler (she's 65). she was able to function as a teacher for 35 years, but my home life was very different from the life she gave to her students. i grew up in the same town she taught, with everyone telling me what a wonderful person my mother was and how lucky i was to have her as a mother. i used to say, "you don't live with her." i won't get into too many specifics - i'm just really emotionally tired right now. just spent a week of hell playing nursemaid and guide to my mother on a vacation she wanted to have with her sister (who also can't really stand her). it's always "everyone else" that is mean to her. she's not the one with the problem. just tired.

[Kwamina]

Hi pookielocks

I can imagine you being tired after a vacation like this. Being around a BPD parent can really take its toll on you. I went on a vacation once with my own uBPD mother, though I handled it relatively well, it was still extremely stressful and draining.

It seems there was a great difference between the way your mother behaved at work and how she behaved at home. This is something I think many of our members with a BPD parent can relate to.

Since you've come here I assume you strongly believe your mother has BPD or at least exhibits BPD traits. You mention your mother's sister and that she 'also can't really stand her'. Does her sister also believe your mom has BPD?

Welcome to bpdfamily

[pookielocks]

my mom has all of the symptoms of BPD except self-harm. i read the book "understanding the borderline mother" a few years ago and literally got out the highlighter while reading. i received so much validation while reading that book. i always knew something was wrong with her and that my home life was far from ideal, but it was "normal" to me. i thought i was a bad child. i heard that all of my life.

she's undx as she is not the one with the problem - it's everyone else that is mean to her. she's scared away all friends. she's only left with family and we're all on medication and/or in counseling partially due to our life with her. i am bipolar ii with ptsd. anyway, i thought i was prepared for this vacation, but i wasn't. it was waaay too much. my aunt and i have never discussed BPD, but she knows something is very wrong with my mom and she avoids her just like i do. i normally keep tight boundaries up, but that's not something you can do on vacation with someone.

[Kwamina]

Hi pookielocks,

How are things now? I hope you are feeling a bit more rested

Having a BPD parent can really affect a child. I am sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with bipolar II and ptsd. Perhaps you will find the following thread helpful:

Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks

[pookielocks]

Hi pookielocks,

How are things now? I hope you are feeling a bit more rested

Having a BPD parent can really affect a child. I am sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with bipolar II and ptsd. Perhaps you will find the following thread helpful:

Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks

well, i spent the last 2 weeks dissociating (i have ptsd) which was triggered by my dealing with the vacation. then yesterday, my mom finally brought it up on the phone. she said, "so, do you have anything to say to me about our trip?" i played dumb and said no. she said, "about the way you treated me." bc i called her out on her behavior. apparently she's had enough time to recover and regain her control. the manipulator is back. triggered again.

[Kwamina]

Hi again pookielocks

Getting triggered isn't pleasant at all. PTSD can be quite challenging to deal with. You mention all of your family being on medication and/or in counseling as a result of life with your mother. Since you've been officially diagnosed with PTSD, are you perhaps getting any kind of targeted treatment or therapy to help you deal with your PTSD?