RE: Anyone else want their BPD Mother to get a friend, therapist, or get married

[ijustwantpeace]

More than one time I have found myself yelling at my BPD mother to get a friend, a boyfriend, talk to a priest, pastor, counselor etc...

Has anyone found themselves in this situation?  I find myself completely guilty and depleted after.

[Lalasalad]

I really understand what you're going through.

My BPD mother is always fighting with her friends, alienating people, and refuses to have a stable relationship. She has however gone to therapy. To be honest, I think it made her condition SO much worse. I don't think the therapist diagnosed her properly, and she lied a lot. She came out feeling validated she's a victim in her whole life.

So, I suppose what I am try to say is YES. I wish so much that my parent would have someone besides me. It's hard having the burden of someone's happiness, and it only being yours. Not only that, but someone who wont ever be happy.

We can't fix them. The best thing I ever did was walk away from my mother. Distance is sanity for me. And perhaps safety as well.

Good luck. You're not alone.

[HappyChappy]

More than one time I have found myself yelling at my BPD mother to get a friend, a boyfriend, talk to a priest, pastor, counselor etc...

Has anyone found themselves in this situation?  I find myself completely guilty and depleted after.

Totally. How else to we get a break from them ? A problem shared is a problem halved. The solution for me, was to understand my BPD wouldn't do anything that she thought she could get others to do. They’re so good at the waif thing, or the harass/nag you to death thing.  So by putting up boundaries and  stepping away, it forced her to do things for herself or in her case find someone else to kick.  Best of luck. 

[ijustwantpeace]

She is not mean spirited or anything like that.  The truth is that I have been fighting an invisible enemy named BPD for my who life.  There was never going to be any peace or solutions as long as BPD is in charge.

It all makes sense moving form school to school, and constant instability.  At times I have given up on friends due to do all the instability in my childhood.

Is it normal to come home and have your BPD mom recite everyone's problems and flaws hour after hour?  It would drive me insane hearing the same complaints over and over about people I care about.

When I was 10 or 12 I said to her I want to be positive and her response was that is a hard thing to do.  More recently I told her in 43 years you never once said a kind word to me.