I'm new and I don't know what to do

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,

Ive been with my boyfriend for just gone 4 years, and i'm confident he has BPD although he has never been diagnosed. I feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand i love him dearly, more than ive ever loved any of my partners, but on the other hand, his treatment of me has gone too far. He has crossed so many lines, i feel like if i continue to stay with him it will not only damage him (as it will be like i'm enabling him and saying his behaviour is ok) but i will be possibly damning myself to a lifetime of misery... .allowing the cycle to continue. But if i leave, am i abandoning him? Everyone else in his life has given up on him. His friends do not speak to him, his family worry sick about him, hes 31 years old and has no social life, no career and no hobbies except playing video games. Not that im judging, im just worried about him, worried who will help him, who will love him. Who will put themselves in the line of fire for him if not me? There is no one else. But i just cannot take it. I cannot take one more night of been screamed at. One more day of walking on egg shells for fear i will trigger a rage tantrum. One more time him storming out on me after screaming in my face. I cannot take him forcing the blame onto me one more time, i dont think i can handle it. He has no idea how he is behaving, its like his mind is warped. During his screaming fits i can decipher how he has perceived the situation and its deluded! He accuses me of saying things ive never said, latches on to the one thing i have said and twists it completely out of proportion and is constantly trying to justify his outbursts. He is also constantly feeling sorry for himself. I really hate to say it but hes the most pathetic person ive ever met. I’ve never known anyone to feel sorry for themselves more than he does. He even lies to me about things such as how much he works, even though im aware of his working week because we live together! Its crazy! No one else can get sympathy, no one else can have a hard time, things are so bad for him and its everyone else’s fault, never his. Last year he was fired from work for stealing. Yep, stealing. But now the story is that "they had it in for me", its nothing to do with the stealing, its someone else’s fault. Its the same s**te everyday and its killing me! The stress is giving me severe stomach cramps. Im tearful all day and dont want to go home at night. I cannot believe someone i love so dearly and have given my everything too can treat me this way, with such malice and disregard, such selfishness and disrespect. I don’t know whether to cut my losses and get out of here, and deal with my broken heart alone, or keep trying to save him, despite his cruel treatment of me.

Please help me, i really need some advice... .

[pyramidal]

Hi,

Ive been with my boyfriend for just gone 4 years, and i'm confident he has BPD although he has never been diagnosed. I feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand i love him dearly, more than ive ever loved any of my partners, but on the other hand, his treatment of me has gone too far. He has crossed so many lines, i feel like if i continue to stay with him it will not only damage him (as it will be like i'm enabling him and saying his behaviour is ok) but i will be possibly damning myself to a lifetime of misery... .allowing the cycle to continue. But if i leave, am i abandoning him? Everyone else in his life has given up on him. His friends do not speak to him, his family worry sick about him, hes 31 years old and has no social life, no career and no hobbies except playing video games. Not that im judging, im just worried about him, worried who will help him, who will love him. Who will put themselves in the line of fire for him if not me? There is no one else. But i just cannot take it. I cannot take one more night of been screamed at. One more day of walking on egg shells for fear i will trigger a rage tantrum. One more time him storming out on me after screaming in my face. I cannot take him forcing the blame onto me one more time, i dont think i can handle it. He has no idea how he is behaving, its like his mind is warped. During his screaming fits i can decipher how he has perceived the situation and its deluded! He accuses me of saying things ive never said, latches on to the one thing i have said and twists it completely out of proportion and is constantly trying to justify his outbursts. He is also constantly feeling sorry for himself. I really hate to say it but hes the most pathetic person ive ever met. I’ve never known anyone to feel sorry for themselves more than he does. He even lies to me about things such as how much he works, even though im aware of his working week because we live together! Its crazy! No one else can get sympathy, no one else can have a hard time, things are so bad for him and its everyone else’s fault, never his. Last year he was fired from work for stealing. Yep, stealing. But now the story is that "they had it in for me", its nothing to do with the stealing, its someone else’s fault. Its the same s**te everyday and its killing me! The stress is giving me severe stomach cramps. Im tearful all day and dont want to go home at night. I cannot believe someone i love so dearly and have given my everything too can treat me this way, with such malice and disregard, such selfishness and disrespect. I don’t know whether to cut my losses and get out of here, and deal with my broken heart alone, or keep trying to save him, despite his cruel treatment of me.

Please help me, i really need some advice... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Suzn]

Hello pyramidal

Welcome to bpdfamily. I'm sorry you are going through all of this with your boyfriend.    Anyone would be upset being screamed at, we all get that here. Bpd behaviors are confusing and can be painful to endure. You come to the right place, we can help.

I want to share a few links to some info that can help right away. Take a deep breath my friend, we'll help you through.

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

Taking a break when things start to escalate can be helpful. Take a walk, a trip to the grocery store, etc... Anything to give both of you a chance to take a breather before things get out of hand.

Do you have children? How are you coping with these outbursts? Taking care of you is equally important.

I look forward to hearing more of your story.