I'm Lost

[StewartLove]

Hi. I'm new here. The therapist thinks my 16 year old daughter is severely BPD. Because she is still young they can't dx her just yet. She's physically and emotionally violent and I'm so lost and hurting. Just looking for supports.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mimi99]

Hi StewartLove. Welcome. 

It is heartbreaking to realize that your child has such a severe mental illness. This is a safe place filled with people who know exactly what you are going through. There are also many tools available to help you.

I also have a BPD daughter. She is now 24, but had been in therapy for years before I ever heard of BPD. At 17 she started an intensive therapy program using DBT and family therapy 3x weekly for a year. I found that I haven't been using my skills very well and have been making the situation worse for a long time (even after all that therapy!). It was only after a major crisis that I found this website and have been trying to use the tools provided. The responses I get from other members are so valuable--they put things in perspective for me, and give well-thought-out answers to my many questions.

Is your daughter's therapist well-versed in BPD and it's treatment? Finding a specialist might be an option to consider, if not. There are also long-term residential programs for teens, but I am not familiar with them since my daughter is now an adult.

Keep posting and know that we are here to help.

[lbjnltx]

Hi StewartLove,

I'd like to join mimi In welcoming you to the site.

I'm sorry to  hear that your d16 is suffering so much, it's so hard to accept that they are mentally ill and emotionally suffering while we feel helpless to make it better for them. 

What kind of therapy has your daughter been participating in so far?  Any signs of improvement yet?

lbj

[jellibeans]

StewartLove

Welcome... .I think you are going to like this site. I know it has helped me so much and mostly because the meber are often going through the very same problem I have. It is like they have my child living in their home. I really liked the articles here that you can find to the right. The three things that I would focus on first is Validating, Boundaries and using S.E.T... I really had to work on my communication skills to try to improve the constant conflict.

I want to recommend a book to you by Valerie Porr... ."Overcoming BPD. A familys guide to healing" First step is try to educate yourself with this disorder. Please tell us more and ask questions. We are here for you.

[StewartLove]

Thank you for all your responses. I've never done a message board like this so I'm learning as I go. I've only been on facebook.

To answer your questions, my daughter is in therapy. She's been in and out of therapy since she was about 5. She is also on an antidepressant. I can't say she is putting much of any effort in her therapy though. I have read books about this diagnosis and many more. I have a master's in behavioral science and work in mental health. I actually work with at risk youth. I think that's why this hurts so much. I can help all these other kids but now my own.

I looked over a couple of the articles on this website on communication but it didn't relate to our situation. I'm still searching for something that will help me. Today my daughter attacked me again. My son tried to protect me from her but I was even more concerned with him getting into trouble so I wouldn't let him.

Back when she was younger I was strong enough to pin her down when she went into a rage. Now she's taller and stronger than me. People are telling me to file charges on her. That doesn't work. I hold groups with the kids at the Juvenile Justice center and trust me, that only works if your child doesn't have severe mental health issue. In my daughter's case she'd laugh at me and go make friends in there. It's amazing how she can turn off her empathy like a switch. Its even more amazing how she can turn on the charm so easily. Her sociopathic tendencies really do frighten me.

[bpdmom1]

Very sorry to hear! 

An RTC might be a good idea.  We got very desperate with our daughter and found www.strugglingteens.com/ec/ on the internet.  We ended up kicking her out of the house and didn't feel she was safe on her own.  It was a huge relief to rely on someone skilled to find help for her as we were questioning every decision we made.