Moving Home (Where my exBPDgf lives)

[WhatJustHappened?]

To make a long story short, earlier this year, I had a LD relationship with one of my first loves in California. I live in Colorado. My folks still live in California and I have decided to move back home to be closer to them. They are getting older and I just don't feel good about being this far away. It's getting to be that time... .

Yesterday, I'm having lunch with a good friend and we were discussing my move. Out of the blue, I said "man, I sure hope this isn't a way for me to back closer to Koo Koo Bird (that's what I call her)". I stopped and said to myself "Oh crap". My folks and the ex don't live too far away from one another.

I know I am making the right decision to be with my family and believe that I am doing it for the right reasons but a part of me still can't shake the subliminal thought of getting back closer to "her". I hope not.

[Mutt]

Hi WhatJustHappened?,

I know I am making the right decision to be with my family and believe that I am doing it for the right reasons but a part of me still can't shake the subliminal thought of getting back closer to "her". I hope not.

It sounds like you have given careful thought and consideration with your decision.

Are you worried about recycling if you ran into your ex?

[WhatJustHappened?]

I can always count on Mutt to ask good questions

Yes, I am always worried about recycling but I can not allow that to affect the bigger picture which is my folks. It's been over 4 months with no contact and I feel better but as I have said before, she's like a drug to me. And the temptation of that drug can be strong.

While I do worry about recycling, it is unlikely. I've seen what I needed to see. I guess it's more of me second guessing my motives to move. But as you said, I have given it a lot of thought.

Mutt, what do you think?

[Mutt]

I can see how you would feel better after 4 months, you're off the emotional rollercoaster and you've had time to reflect and see how both partners play a roll in the relationship, it sounds like you don't want to resume the dysfunctional dance and maybe that you don't trust yourself.

Honestly, 4 months isn't a long time and it takes time to emotionally detach; its not a linear process and the time varies for everyone to reach the final stage of detaching, freedom, where you no longer think about your loss and it doesn't interfere with your feelings.

It's hard to say when and if you run into her, you haven't contacted her in  4 months she may not approach you? I think that if you do run into her, it's a good oppurtunity for you to work on your boundaries, if you are done and don't want to recycle, trust yourself and trust that your boundaries are going to take care of you, if you defend your boundaries, our boundaries take care of us.

It's going to take time for your feelings about her and your history together to not interfere with you from time to time in your daily life, you need more time behind you.

[WhatJustHappened?]

It's hard to say when and if you run into her, you haven't contacted her in  4 months she may not approach you? I think that if you do run into her, it's a good oppurtunity for you to work on your boundaries, if you are done and don't want to recycle, trust yourself and trust that your boundaries are going to take care of you, if you defend your boundaries, our boundaries take care of us.

I don't think so. I tried to reach out once to her to make nice but got no response so I assume that contact will only happen if I run into her which would be very unlikely. I do trust my boundaries so if it does happen, I'll be able to survive. But as you know, there's always that temptation. "Hey, want to take another spin in the bed?" LOL

[Mutt]

I understand  Connect with new people, make new friends, maybe you'll find a girlfriend? Good luck with your move.